We're in the Halloween Spirit because for us weirdos here on VampireFreaks - Everyday Is Halloween! 
We're celebrating our favorite holiday with 20-40% off a bunch of creepy and spooky items!
🦇 Click Here for the VF Everyday is Halloween Sale
Everyday is Halloween
Oct 12, 2018, 11:33am
We're in the Halloween Spirit because for us weirdos here on VampireFreaks - Everyday Is Halloween! We're celebrating our favorite holiday with 20-40% off a bunch of creepy and spooky items!
🦇 Click Here for the VF Everyday is Halloween Sale
World of Weird: Are your rude bits sufficiently Goopy?
Oct 12, 2018, 03:02am
One of the drawbacks with writing these things about outlandish tales from history is smugness. It's far too easy to patronise our ancestors, to guffaw mockingly and go "Ho ho ho, of course we're all so much more enlightened these days, and would NEVER do the sort of silly and brutish things that all those Ancient History-ish types did." So, when I wrote last week's article about the insane way Radium was seized on as some sort of cure 100 years ago, I set myself a challenge. Could I find a comparable example from the modern world of people doing ridiculous stuff for supposed health benefits?
And the answer was yes. Yes I could.
My first stop was Goop. Goop is the company founded by the actress Gwyneth Paltrow, who found fame from having her head in a box in "Se7en" and is now trying to stuff even more outlandish items up people's boxes. First of all, here's the Jade eggs, used for vaginal weightlifting.
Yes, that's right. Vaginal weightlifting. Intended to promote vaginal health, positive bodily energies, create a sense of wellbeing and combat "toxins" in the body, it seems. Believe it or not, this is one of the more credible health products Goop offer, because although the "detox" claims are really dubious (can anyone explain what mystical powers tackle toxins through ramming a stone up your mimsy? Anyone?) I can at least buy the bit about creating a sense of wellbeing. If I knew my Lady Garden was a particularly muscular and well-toned one through weightlifting sessions , I'm sure I'd have a sense of wellbeing about it too. So the case isn't quite proved by the vaginal weightlifting.
However then we get the coffee enema system.
Goop advertised these in order to "tackle the toxins associated with modern-day life". Here's a pro tip- if you ever hear anyone banging on about the "toxins" intended to be tackled by enemas or diets, just remind them that a toxin is a poison and ask them to define, in chemical terms, what these toxins are. Then you get to watch them really squirm, and frantically try to change the subject- because it's bullshit. There are no "toxins" in your gut that need enemas or detox diets, and anyone claiming there are is either wildly deluded or trying to sell you something. Speaking of which, here's Gwyneth Paltrow suggesting you spend $135 to fire cappuchino straight up your brass eye.
In terms of genuinely psychedelic lunacy, a mug of latte up the bumhole takes some beating, but our Gwyneth is a pro at this sort of thing. The crowning glory of their suggestions is vaginal steaming.
I’ll just allow my readers to regain some degree of composure here, so while we’re waiting for you all to stop hyperventilating here’s a picture of an owl.
Right. Vaginal steaming. I know, I know. It really is what you think it is. It involves sitting in an open-seated throne (a modified commode, effectively), presenting one's foofoo over a steamer, and then stewing away merrily. Obviously, with this being Goop, it's no ordinary steam- it's a wonderful magical blend of healing and nurturing herbs designed to transform even the most toxic nethers into a shiny and well-nourished Wondertwat. Apparently mugwort features heavily in these steaming recipes, which confused the hell out of me. I thought mugwort was a Harry Potter character.
So any suggestion that we've all grown up and moved on as a species looks pretty flimsy to me. We remain desperately insecure about our rude bits and are still gullible enough to be taken in by charlatans, quacks and snake oil salesmen who promise to make them all lovely and fragrant. Celebrate this slightly gloomy conclusion by sharing any other ludicrous "wellbeing" items you've encountered below.
And the answer was yes. Yes I could.
My first stop was Goop. Goop is the company founded by the actress Gwyneth Paltrow, who found fame from having her head in a box in "Se7en" and is now trying to stuff even more outlandish items up people's boxes. First of all, here's the Jade eggs, used for vaginal weightlifting.
Yes, that's right. Vaginal weightlifting. Intended to promote vaginal health, positive bodily energies, create a sense of wellbeing and combat "toxins" in the body, it seems. Believe it or not, this is one of the more credible health products Goop offer, because although the "detox" claims are really dubious (can anyone explain what mystical powers tackle toxins through ramming a stone up your mimsy? Anyone?) I can at least buy the bit about creating a sense of wellbeing. If I knew my Lady Garden was a particularly muscular and well-toned one through weightlifting sessions , I'm sure I'd have a sense of wellbeing about it too. So the case isn't quite proved by the vaginal weightlifting.
However then we get the coffee enema system.
Goop advertised these in order to "tackle the toxins associated with modern-day life". Here's a pro tip- if you ever hear anyone banging on about the "toxins" intended to be tackled by enemas or diets, just remind them that a toxin is a poison and ask them to define, in chemical terms, what these toxins are. Then you get to watch them really squirm, and frantically try to change the subject- because it's bullshit. There are no "toxins" in your gut that need enemas or detox diets, and anyone claiming there are is either wildly deluded or trying to sell you something. Speaking of which, here's Gwyneth Paltrow suggesting you spend $135 to fire cappuchino straight up your brass eye.
In terms of genuinely psychedelic lunacy, a mug of latte up the bumhole takes some beating, but our Gwyneth is a pro at this sort of thing. The crowning glory of their suggestions is vaginal steaming.
I’ll just allow my readers to regain some degree of composure here, so while we’re waiting for you all to stop hyperventilating here’s a picture of an owl.
Right. Vaginal steaming. I know, I know. It really is what you think it is. It involves sitting in an open-seated throne (a modified commode, effectively), presenting one's foofoo over a steamer, and then stewing away merrily. Obviously, with this being Goop, it's no ordinary steam- it's a wonderful magical blend of healing and nurturing herbs designed to transform even the most toxic nethers into a shiny and well-nourished Wondertwat. Apparently mugwort features heavily in these steaming recipes, which confused the hell out of me. I thought mugwort was a Harry Potter character.
So any suggestion that we've all grown up and moved on as a species looks pretty flimsy to me. We remain desperately insecure about our rude bits and are still gullible enough to be taken in by charlatans, quacks and snake oil salesmen who promise to make them all lovely and fragrant. Celebrate this slightly gloomy conclusion by sharing any other ludicrous "wellbeing" items you've encountered below.
Halloween Contest reminders, plus Dark Side Of The Con updates!
Oct 11, 2018, 12:17pm
Posted some reminder links at the top of your newsfeed for our Halloween Contests! Halloween's in less than 3 weeks and we're in full-on halloween mode! 
Also - Hotel is now over 95% sold out for Dark Side Of the Con 3 by VampireFreaks!
There are only 15 rooms left for Friday night, and 8 rooms left for Saturday night.
Note they only have single king rooms available! However each single king room comes with a pull-out sofa bed, and they do have rollaway beds available by request! We are working on getting an overflow hotel but this is pretty much your last chance to be in the official hotel!
Also - ticket prices go up in 4 days! This is your last change to get 3-day weekend tickets for only $50!
PLUS - we just added a bunch of new vendors and panel information to the Dark Side Of The Con website, so check it out!
DarkSideOfTheCon.com
Also - Hotel is now over 95% sold out for Dark Side Of the Con 3 by VampireFreaks!
There are only 15 rooms left for Friday night, and 8 rooms left for Saturday night.
Note they only have single king rooms available! However each single king room comes with a pull-out sofa bed, and they do have rollaway beds available by request! We are working on getting an overflow hotel but this is pretty much your last chance to be in the official hotel!
Also - ticket prices go up in 4 days! This is your last change to get 3-day weekend tickets for only $50!
PLUS - we just added a bunch of new vendors and panel information to the Dark Side Of The Con website, so check it out!
DarkSideOfTheCon.com
Historical Halloween Traditions
Oct 11, 2018, 07:23am
Today, Halloween means small kids dressed as monsters, going from door to door to beg for candy. It means lawns decorated with plastic skeletons and pumpkins with scary faces. And it means a good excuse to get spooky and party. But Halloween wasn't always the commercialized American version that we see today--in fact, its roots go back centuries. The holiday is believed to have originated in the British Isles, blending together the Celtic harvest festival of Samhain with the Christian celebration of saints, All Hallows' Eve. Though the holiday was observed quite differently back in the old days, you may recognize the basis of some of our modern practices in these historical Halloween traditions:
Carving Turnips
That's right: turnips, not pumpkins. Pumpkins are a New World plant, meaning that they were unheard of in the British Isles at the time that Halloween first began to be celebrated and didn't become associated with the holiday until it became popular in America with Irish and Scottish immigrants. Originally, though, faces were carved into hollowed-out turnips, which could be carried around as lanterns. They were called "jack-o-lanterns" after a character from Irish legend known as Stingy Jack, or Jack of the Lantern. The story goes that Jack was a mischievous and miserly fellow who managed to trap the devil in a tree and make him promise never to take Jack's soul. When Jack died, however, he could not get into heaven and the devil would not accept his soul into hell either. The devil tossed him a coal from the fires of hell to carry in his lantern, and Jack was forced to roam the earth, with nowhere to rest.
Divination with Apples
Bobbing for apples seems to have fallen out of fashion, lately. Probably because no one wants to slosh water all down the front of their nice costumes and share germs with everyone else. But for many years, bobbing for apples was a staple of Halloween celebrations. Even before that, it was often used as a means of predicting the future among young lovers at the final harvest festival of the season. Apples were associated with the Roman fertility goddess Pamona, and thus were the obvious choice for these fortune-telling games. In some versions, young unmarried people would try to bite into apples floating in a tub of water or hanging on a string, and the first to catch one was said to be the next to marry. In another variation, a young woman would carve the name of her lover into the apple, then see how many tries it took to bite it, thus predicting the success of their relationship.
Souling
Trick-or-treating has its origins in the medieval Christian practice of "souling." This activity consisted of soulers (usually poor people or children) going door to door on All Hallows' Eve, offering to pray for the souls of the living and the dead in exchange for food in the form of small, round cakes called soul cakes. They would generally make this request in the form of song, standing beneath windows and singing verses like "Souls, souls, for a soul-cake; Pray you good mistress, a soul-cake!" This practice later became combined with "mumming" and "guising," traditional medieval activities that involved dressing in costume and putting on a performance.
How will you be celebrating Halloween this year? Want to bring back any of these historic traditions? Let me know in the comments!
Written By:
TheGothicLibrarian
Carving Turnips
That's right: turnips, not pumpkins. Pumpkins are a New World plant, meaning that they were unheard of in the British Isles at the time that Halloween first began to be celebrated and didn't become associated with the holiday until it became popular in America with Irish and Scottish immigrants. Originally, though, faces were carved into hollowed-out turnips, which could be carried around as lanterns. They were called "jack-o-lanterns" after a character from Irish legend known as Stingy Jack, or Jack of the Lantern. The story goes that Jack was a mischievous and miserly fellow who managed to trap the devil in a tree and make him promise never to take Jack's soul. When Jack died, however, he could not get into heaven and the devil would not accept his soul into hell either. The devil tossed him a coal from the fires of hell to carry in his lantern, and Jack was forced to roam the earth, with nowhere to rest.
Divination with Apples
Bobbing for apples seems to have fallen out of fashion, lately. Probably because no one wants to slosh water all down the front of their nice costumes and share germs with everyone else. But for many years, bobbing for apples was a staple of Halloween celebrations. Even before that, it was often used as a means of predicting the future among young lovers at the final harvest festival of the season. Apples were associated with the Roman fertility goddess Pamona, and thus were the obvious choice for these fortune-telling games. In some versions, young unmarried people would try to bite into apples floating in a tub of water or hanging on a string, and the first to catch one was said to be the next to marry. In another variation, a young woman would carve the name of her lover into the apple, then see how many tries it took to bite it, thus predicting the success of their relationship.
Souling
Trick-or-treating has its origins in the medieval Christian practice of "souling." This activity consisted of soulers (usually poor people or children) going door to door on All Hallows' Eve, offering to pray for the souls of the living and the dead in exchange for food in the form of small, round cakes called soul cakes. They would generally make this request in the form of song, standing beneath windows and singing verses like "Souls, souls, for a soul-cake; Pray you good mistress, a soul-cake!" This practice later became combined with "mumming" and "guising," traditional medieval activities that involved dressing in costume and putting on a performance.
How will you be celebrating Halloween this year? Want to bring back any of these historic traditions? Let me know in the comments!
Written By:
TheGothicLibrarian
