i guess i've learned change isnt just going to come overnight, and no one else is going to do it for me. it took me some time, and a handful of mistakes to make me the person i am today, still a little rough around the edges, but i'm definitely smarter. i've let too many people down, and i cant handle anymore dissapointment in myself. my screws are tighter, my head's in the right place and my heart is dedicated to this life. i can't keep running from my problems, there's no place to go anymore. i've gained a little more self confidence and lost the facade i put on just to fit in. living the way i want to has made me happy, and i think i like this feeling. i'm only human; i'll probably end up saying the wrong thing at the wrong time still, and my insecurities could probably eat me alive. but as far as i go, i am begining to like this boy i see when i look in the mirror. it really disgusts me to look back and see some of the things i did and said. and it'd be nice to have back some of the people i lost because of my actions, but friends come and go and we all have a past. i guess you really do have to get lost and broken to find yourself and who you really are..at least that's what i've been proven.
When I was younger, I wish that I had the map to the road to my dreams. Now that I'm older, I know where that road is, where to go, and what turns to take. Now, I know I may get lost at times, but right now, I'm feeling pretty okay about my life and where it's headed. I know right now I'm a little stuck, but once I turn eighteen, I plan on hopping on the nearest bus and never looking back. It's time I leave this tiny little town to follow my dreams, to help the people that I'm meant to help, and to love the people I'm supposed to be loving. I can't bear to wait any longer, but as long as I'm sixteen, I'm going to have to. Dreams don't just show up on a silver platter. You might get lucky, and the opportunity might be knocking at your door.. but if you don't answer that door, if you don't take that extra step to let your dreams inside, you'll never make it. You have to take the initiative and do the things you're too scared, or too nervous to do. Luck only offers a soft nudge. Nothing more, nothing less. You have to push yourself to open that door, to let your new, improved life on the inside. That's what I'm doing. Even if I don't make it, I know that I took the chances. I took the risks. People think that all I'm doing is wasting my time up in my bedroom, when I'm making a life for myself and preparing for the future. Well, even though I don't think I'm ready for that life yet, that's exactly what tells me that I'll do a good job. I wont be in over my head, thinking that I have it all under control. I'll be extra careful to make sure I don't let my opportunity slip through the cracks in my fingers. No. Sometimes things might be out of my control, yes, and sometimes you just can't hold on tight enough, no. Right now, I feel I have a pretty tight grip on my life, and I'm not letting it go
Love, life, and equality. It's a right that every person in the world deserves. Love thy neighbor is in almost every religion and every culture. Life is something that should never be taken lightly, and who are you to make somebody else's life worse just because they're different? Equality. We may be different races and different sexualities, but one damn thing connects us all, and that's our humanity. We're all human beings, so don't say that you're better than the gay kid, or don't say you're better than the nerd because you are made out of the same goddamned material as they are, or if you're religious, the same damn god made them, too. They are in no way tainted or damaged. They are unique and beautiful people and that's something you'll never understand because you're so focused on your ignorance and bigotry that you can't see or feel the love that person might be able to bring you. So the next time you decide to utter a racist joke, or call somebody a "faggot," remember that you're basically hurting somebody who could've been your best friend, a confidant, or even a lover. We're all humans. We're equal. We all feel the same. Don't forget it.
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