| I never quite know what to put into these things. I always have felt that these pages are utterly useless and meaningless. People tend to over exaggerate and provide false images of themselves. Example, the middle-upper class white Caucasian ghetto-gangster with a good lifestyle, good parents and home life, etc, yet they act as though their block has been shot up by adolescent drug dealers, when in actuality, their home security patrol most definitely would have spotted these drug dealing children.
I'm always being led down the same road. I try not to let people down, I try to live my life, but I'm always led down the same road, which always consists of and ends up in heartbreak in one form or another. I've faced mountains of rejection. I always over come it, but sometimes what is needed is to be sad and depressed for a while, before overcoming what seem to be impossible obstacles.
Music it turns out is a great passion of mine, I sing daily and have a lot of music recorded. CD covers, nothing spectacular. I also have enough songs written that I could come out with 2 albums. I write quite often, stories and songs and stupid meaningless things like these.
When you overcome an obstacle, something that was so seemingly unbearable to do, you get a greater sense of accomplishment. Which is why I'm sure I am alive. Racked within so much emotion and pain I was unsure of my own thoughts and looked towards an easier means to escape. Turning myself towards a life of hatred with in turn made me hate myself. I've pounded my head into the pavement to try and get these depressing thoughts out of my mind. I realize now that such things are impossible to do. You can't really force any thought out of your mind, it can be pushed aside, but in the end it will just resurface over and over again until you beat it.
I've looked past the ridicule, the pain, the torment, the hatred I have for myself, the constant need for something greater, a want of someone, a need of someone, my own thoughts and recollection of past events, only to find myself deeper in self-loathing. I couldn't make myself stop thinking these things. Luckily for me, I have people who care about me enough to know I can do great things. For this, I am grateful and truly happy to be alive...
Likes: "If you take the Christian Bible and put it out in the wind and the rain, soon the paper on which the words are printed will disintegrate and the words will be gone. Our bible IS the wind and the rain"
An it harm none, do what thou wilt
Favorite Music: Combichrist, Lost Signal, Cradle of Filth, Tiesto, Cold, Slipknot, Stolen Babies, Within Temptation, Tristania, Nine Inch Nails, Radiohead, Otep, In This Moment, Devildriver, Opeth, Mindless Self Indulgence, Tool, Icon of Coil |
