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First is first
So i was in love with this one guy.
He thought i was cute if thats any conselation! he also mentined sexy a few times!
You know all week i sat there just hoping he'll get in contact. he never did except when it's okay for him, which was when he wanted something
He didn't realise my life revolved around him ALL AROUND HIM.
Yeah i guess i was nieve and young but it sure did hurt when i was too scared to tell him how i felt because i was scared of losing the little time i had with him... he was worried about the age difference! who was he trying to kid
He's gorgeous.. talented.. fun.. friendly.. rich.. perfect.. flawless.. amazing.. awesome.. & the sex is awesome
But what could i have done i wasn't that size 0 model on the shelf that looks perfect in the mornings.. yeah i looked bad & yeah i had my flaws.. but i just wanted him to love me like i love him. the thing that hurts the most is he was starting to but it would never have worked because i was simply below his high class standards that his friends expected him to stick too.
So i just went back on the shelf and be the dumpy, short, ugly, intelegent, short nailed, messy haired, clumbsy girl who could have make him the happiest person ever. while i see him with the size 0 flawless angel who will just make him look good. & he watched me die.. UNTIL i met the love of my life. Scott, he totaly changed my life & for all the love i had for the other guy i have double for Scott.. i CAN'T live without him & i wont even try because what i have is true love & i'll never let it go! so now this dumpy little princess will be proud of herself & laugh at all the other guys that missed out on what i HAD to give, while i watch them squirm & cry in relationshis that will never work.. all it took was for one guy to brake the trend. now he has what most guys are too scared to admit they want.

Basics
My name was Sophie, but i changed it at the age of 12 to Sophia-Leanne.. you may call me either.
I'm 16 years of age
I'm from the UK.. i live in a small village in Wales called Llanfyllin.. it's the most isolated & lonely place in the world.
For those who really need help.. i am female..

What i am
I'm
Vain. narcotic. self centred jealous. guilty. terribly shy. over indulgent. selfish. stressed. depressed. shallow. self concious. pessimistic prissy. bitchy. sensitive & impulsive.
I'm
Kind. lovable. sweet. giving. smart. fun. huggable. cute. random. trustworthy. honest. talkative & friendly...

My life
I have changed so much over the past year or so.. i went from drug addict to geek.. my life was basically shit, full of untrustworthy people who killed me inside but i learnt to deal with this.. speed became my new best friend and the only person i could stand was a girl called Laura. i was living on the street basically going away from home for weeks at a time not sleeping and not eating for weeks at a time i was a mess i went down to 4 stone and ended up in hospital for drinking 3 botteles of vodka... after this i lost Laura to a drug addict who she fell in love with. this broke my heart so i decided it was time for a change.. i went back home and started schooling again. my life now is the best it's ever been thanks to some awesome people who helped me through, though i don't have many friends the ones i do have re like gold and will always be a part of me.

I learnt no sex is safe sex
cliché is the most cliché word used!
Not all people who are homeless are bad or on drugs.. they're just not as lucky as you!
Possesions are worthless to love and passion, feelings mean more to anyone than a phone does. tell me.. are you happier after you're told you're loved or after you get a new shirt?
Middle class people have so much to learn.. we think we're well educated? pfft you gotta be kidding!
I can't spell! i missed two years of school, i think i'm doing pretty well here.
We are so priveledged... and please don't say you're not.. you have a computer!
Schooling is a gift to us. we are so lucky to have it.. don't mess it up being petty and stupid & just trying to look 'KOOL'
I learnt that in the end we are all alone and we all live for the one person we love
Friends and family are so very important.. even if they hurt you never hurt them always be there, because oftern they don't know how to multi task between frendship and relationships... show them how to?

I learned that we are the most selfish people ever.. we hurt our finger or lose a friend and we expect everyone to feel sorry for us.. but really there are children living in poverty everyday in countries that are paying off our debts just so we can moan and have new possetions, these children have so much hope and love it's amazing the make the most out of the little things that we take for granted.. they are so loving to welcome us in to their communities and share what little they have with us! us the people who have taken their homes lives and work... personally we all need to pull our heads out of our ass and see how we are hurting them.. i'm as guilty as anyone for buying new stuff.. but i do try to make it as fair trade as possible.. i recently read a book by Torey Hayden called 'One Child' this is about a young school teacher who took in a little girl who was so mentally abused she would not talk.. with a lot of love and affetion this little girl began to show who she really was.. the sweetest little girl ever. hoe could anyone hurt her and make her live in such poverty? well thats what we are doing to millions. Torey Hayden deserves the respect i cannot give many people she is not just amazing she is so valuble. read the book it will change your life. if all of us just took the time to help one person just one person out of pain and poverty then we would all be on our way to being better people.. i hope you read this and it makes atleast one person think.

What makes me me.
I can sit on my own in a room of people and not feel weird about it.
Awkward silences make me feel at home.
It takes me years to really trust someone.. it's just the way i am. i have people getting annoyed with me for not being able to trust them. but the truth is i've had my trust broken so many times it's hard.
I fall in love with people who show me just a little bit of passion.. i guess it's from years of not being able to love.. but it's really not good.
I can't tell the difference between love and lust.
I guess i'm in love with a man but in lust with a woman
Women turn me on more than men
I get jealous of everything
I contradict myself more than anyone you will ever meet.

The reasons i'm still alive!.
These 5 people are the reasons i'm still here today.. they ARE angels and they have all of my respect. you wont find better people than these!

Lisa

You think your friends are awesome? well you should have one like this! she could put them to shame.. she's been throught so much of my shit & she has never ever hurt me! i've known her since she was born and she's always been my best friend. this girl is the only person i would do anything for, i'd die for her, i'd stop all my plans just to say hi to her.. anyone hurts her and i'd be a murderer. i love her so much it's unreal. + she's so gorgeous it's awesome...

Slater.

so this is the guy i was in love with but not good enough for. he taught me how to love again after not being able to for years.. he taught me how to have fun when i'm not drugged up. he taught me how to be myself and have people love me for it.. but most of all he taught me that no matter waht i'm beautiful & i owe his so much for this because he made me the happiest girl on earth.

My dad

No so long ago my dad lost most of his hand.. up until this point i took him for granted. the accident showed me that without him i'd be nothing.. he so nearly died that day and it kills me to think about it.. i'm a mini female version of him & i love him so much for all he does for me he keeps me on the straight and narrow.. i'd love to see him so happy one day i'll do anything to make him proud of me.

Tina

I met tina at the start of high school.. i can't say she's always helped me out in the past and i can't say we haven't had our fall outs but the most important thing is i can trust her with my life & i know that if anything happend to her it would kill me.. she'll always be there for me and help me in any way she can & i'll always do the same for her.. she stuck by me when i lost all my friends & i'll always love her for having faith in me

Fernando Alonso.

Fernando alonso is a famouse f1 driver.. i've always been in to f1 and envied this man for years.. i met him before he became really famouse.. i cried so much when he hugged me because i thought that he wasn't going to as most famouse people don't care.. this man is so amazing he said to me that he picked me out of all the rest of the fans because he could see true love in my face & thats how he keeps himself going everyday, knowing people love him for him and not just his tallent.. he told me to always keep my head up and always follow my heart because i had a good heart and would go places.. he said no matter what i would meet him again cause he'd always remember the little girl with true love.. then last year for my 15th my dad bought me tickets costing $10'000 to the french gp to meet him again i knew he wouldn't remember me. he took me in his arms and told me that he knew i'd make it & that little girl with so much love has made something of herself.. he remembered me out of everyone & that is why this guy is the most amazing person to me.. i love him for him and not his tallent, i do not know him but i don't need to he was the only person who cared and believed in me..

This isn't even the half of it.
Everyone's a let down
It just depends on how far down they can go
In every circle of friends there's a whore
The one who flirts
And does a little more
But who's to say?
This is a social scene anyway
And everybody wants to explore the new girl
Caught up in her own hard liquor world
But liquor doesn't exist in my world
And if you lie you don't deserve to have friends
If you lie you don't deserve to have them
You are a sell out
But you couldn't even do that right
So your price tag has been slashed
And now you're chillin' on a half priced clearance rack
The social scene where she gets her fix
Has been broken since '86
Now just look at that social clique
Do you really wanna be a part of it?
Let's not let us forget
Where she gets the habit
She gets the pills from her skills
She gets the skills from the pills
And just look at that clique
Do you really wanna be the star of it?
Everybody is a let down
It just depends on how far down they can go..

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