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Latest Journal Entry: my computer hates VF January 17, 2008, 01:20pm
Profile: Hello there :] My name's Esmee. I'm an 18 year old girl from The Netherlands. I recently deleted the "info" on my profile because no one was reading it anyway. [And I don't blame them. Haha.] So I just wrote down a couple of random things about me: I have the loveliest boyfriend in the world. I LOVE bodymods! [I have: a horizontal eyebrowpiercing, HCH, medusa, navelpiercing, centre lippiercing, 2 nosepiercings, tragus, helix and 10 piercings upwarth in my lobes. I've also had 2 surfacepiercings on my chest, but they rejected on me, unfortunately. And yes I'm planning at least 30 more.] I like chocolate icecream and coconut-flavoured.. everything. I like music that makes me dance, or cry, or just plain happy. So yeh I like a lot of genres. I like art, books, movies and poetry. Yes I am a nerd. I love to go clubbing! I love to go out, even to the regular pubs. People are starting to call me a party-animal. And I kinda feel flattered about that. I play the violin, oh yes. I also like horsebackriding, oh yes that's pretty scary as well, huh. I like English! It's way better than Dutch. I also like French but I suck at it. When I grow I'm gonna live in Paris. I swear. I drink too much, I smoke too much cigs [preferably Dunhill] and pot sometimes. Don't blame me, it's legal out here. Yes you're allowed to be jealous. I'm shy, but extraverted and "out there" when drunk. I'm vain, and sometimes arrogant. But mostly, I'm a pretty nice person. I'm a TV-junkie, well I rather say I enjoy good movies. But I also watch bad ones, purposely. I like to take the morning train home and to sleep in it. I also like festivals A LOT. My family's really weird, but that's okay cause they're awesome. ^^ My friends are, too. I love them all to tiny smizery ittybitty ..bits. hmhm. As all girls, I have a thing for Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt. Requiem for a Dream is my favorite movie. I don't know what my favorite band is, though. I like Emilie Autumn and Cocorosie a lót atm. But that will change soon enough. My favorite drink is Malibu, mixed with either coke or pine-apple juice. *drools* I love the mountains, and I love to swim. I swim 3 times a week, minimal. I'm currently trying to lose some weight, I know I'm not fat though. So spare me the preach. I'm secretly listening to Frozen Flame [Jeckyll & Hyde] right now, wishing I could jumpstyle too. =[ I like the j-rock scene, but the music bored me a long time ago. It wasn't meant for me. I lurve the cybergothic subculture. <3 oh yes. And now I'm bored. kbye. Music: A-ha Adam and the Ants Adema Air Alanis Morissette Alphaville Alice Cooper Alien Sex Fiend America Amy Winehouse Anathema And One Antony and the Johnsons Aqua The Ark Armand van Helden Armin van Buuren Art Garfunkel & Paul Simon Basement Jaxx Bauhaus Beach Boys The Beatles Benny Benassi The Birthday Massacre Björk Bloc Party Bloodhound Gang BlutEngel Bob Sinclar Bodyrockers Bodyrox (ft. Luciana) Bomfunk MC's Brian Adams Brian Eno Bright Eyes Brisa Roché Bronski Beat Bryan Adams Buddy Miller C-mon & Kypski Cardigans A Certain Ratio The Chemical Brothers Chris Cornell Christina Aguilera The Clash CocoRosie Coldplay Combichrist The Coral Counting Crows Covenant The Cramps The Cranberries Creature Feature Creedence Clearwater Revival The Creeps The Crüxshadows CSS Culture Club The Cure Cyndi Lauper Da Hool Dada Life Daft Punk The Dandy Warhols Darude Das Ich David Bowie David Guetta Dead or Alive Death Cab for Cutie Deep Purple Depeche Mode dEUS Dimmu Borgir Dir en Grey Diva Destruction DJ Tiësto Don Diablo Donnie Darko soundtracks Dresden Dolls Duran Duran Eagles of Death Metal Echo and the Bunnymen Editors Electric Light Orchestra ElectroCUTE Elvis Presley Emilie Autumn Enrique Iglesias Erick E Europe Eurythmics Faderhead The Faint Faithless Fall Out Boy Fedde le Grand The Feeling Felix da Housecat Fergie Fine Young Cannibals Foo Fighters Frankie Goes to Hollywood Franz Ferdinand The Fratellis Freezepop Funker Vogt Gabriel Rios Garbage Gary Numan George Michael The Glimmers Gnarls Barkley Gogol Bordello Goldfrapp Gorillaz Groove Armada Guns 'n Roses Gym Class Heroes Hall and Oats Hallucinogen Hanson Hellogoodbye Henry Mancini The Hives Horrorpops Hot Hot Heat I am Kloot Icon of Coil Iggy & The Stooges Iggy Pop Jack off Jill James Blunt James Morrisson Jamiroquai JCA Jeff Buckley Jesus Christ Superstarsoundtracks Joan Jett Johan Johnny Cash Joy Division Justice Justin Timberlake K's Choice Kaizers Orchestra Kanye West Kate Bush Kate Nash Kelis The Killers Killing Joke The Kills Kim Wilde King Adora Kings of Leon Kiss The Kovenant Kylie Minogue Laava Lacuna Coil Lady Bouncer Ladytron Laidback Luke Le Tigre Limahl Linkin Park London After Midnight Loona Lou Reed M.I.A. Madness Madonna The Mamma's and the Pappa's Manu Chao Marcel Woods Marilyn Manson Mark Ronson Mason vs. Princess Superstar Massive Attack Matchbox 20 Meat Loaf Michael Bublé Michael Jackson Mika Mindless Self Indulgence Miss Kittin (& The Hacker) Missy Elliott Moby Moloko Mudvayne Muse Mutya Buena My Bloody Valentine *N Sync Nancy Sinatra Nelly Furtado Nena NERD New Order Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds Nina Hagen Nina Simone Nine Inch Nails Nirvana Oasis OK Go Opeth Orgy Otis Redding Outkast Peaches Pearl Jam Pet Shop Boys Pete Murray Pete Philly & Perquisite PhD Phil Collins Pink PJ Harvey Placebo Plain White T's Pleasure Forever The Pointer Sisters Poison Portishead The Postal Service Prince The Prodigy Queen Queens of the Stoneage R.E.M. The Raconteurs Radiohead Rammstein Rasputina RHCP Regina Spektor Republica Rob Zombie Robyn Rodney Crowell Roísín Murphy The Rolling Stones Rooney Röyksopp Samim Sander van Doorn Saybia Scissor Sisters Scooter September Shakira Shnarph Sinead 'O Connor Siouxsie and the Banshees The Sisters of Mercy The Smiths Sniff and the Tears Snow Patrol Soft Cell Sophie Ellis Bextor Spice Girls Stareyez Sugababes Suicide Commando Talk Talk Talking Heads Tears for Fears Tiga Timbaland Timo Maas Tori Amos Toto Trash Palace Travis Trentemøller U2 Uffie UNKLE Unter Null Velvet Acid Christ Velvet Goldmine Soundtracks The Velvet Underground The Verve Vive la Fête VNV Nation White Rose Movement The White Stripes Wilson Pickett Wir Sind Helden Wolfsheim The Wombats :Wumpscut: XotoX Yann Tiersen Yeah Yeah Yeahs Yelle Yes Yves Larock Zeromancer Zombie Girl Zombie Nation My fav. movies. Requiem for a Dream. Trainspotting. Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain. V for Vendetta. Matrix-trilogy. Spirited Away. Donnie Darko. Pulp Fiction. Simon. Watership Down. Howl's Moving Castle. 11:14. The Neverending Story. Fight Club. Magnolia. The Hours. Memento. A Troll in Central Park ^^; Velvet Goldmine. The Eye. Premonition. Corpse Bride. Battle Royale. Dark Water. 21 Grams. Stephen King's It. Dreamcatcher. The Isle. Ju-on. Phone. Edward Scissorhands. Go-hatto. Cube. Interview with the Vampire. Natural City. Pink Floyd's The Wall. Garden State. Big Fish. The Last Unicorn. Alice in Wonderland & Alice through the Looking Glass. American History X. Angels in America. El Labyrinto del Fauno (Pan's Labyrinth). Jarhead. Thirteen Conversations about the same Thing. Labyrinth. Gegen die Wand. The Butterfly Effect. La Méglio Gioventù. Christiane F. Dogville. Charlie and the Chocolatefactory. The Nightmare before Christmas. Sin City. People I care about. Eva.  This girl means the world to me, seriously. She's beautiful, funny, sweet, bitchy when needed and she has style. I'm never gonna forget all the fridaynights we spent together, drunk in the Altstadt, or thursdays for that matter. She's my mate, I don't know what I'd do without her. She's also a walking, talking music and movie database, it's awesome. Never met a single person that knows so much music and so many movies. She has only one bad side: she's terrrribly grumpy in the morning haha! I can live with that though. Rosaura.  She's the girl on the left. This is without doubt the sweetest girl I've ever known. She's always looking for ways to cheer me up when I'm not feeling so good. She's a Spanish beauty and she's my chick. I can't wait to go to Spain with her in May! We're gonna party soo bad haha. Oh, and I'll never forget the time when she slept over at my place, and she was so fucking drunk she started sleepwalking and crawled into my mothers bed. Fun times. xD Iris.  Left on the picture. I've pretty much known her my whole life, eversince her dad dropped her next to me and my mum while we were at a Vengaboys concert haha. From that night on she was my friend, and someone I could always rely on. She's helped me through so much shit and I'll never forget her. I'm pretty sure I'll never lose her as a friend. Angeliki. Right on the picture with Iris. A great friend, a beatiful Greek girl. She's adorable, always the sweetest thing, and she's the best listener. She has the most amazing clothes and she's always looking for new things to wear. I remember her sleeping in the morning train home, it was adorable. She snores though! I won't forget our endless conversations while we were swimming our lanes, or smoking a cig behind school. Cassandra.  Too bad I'm not seeing her as often now as I wish to, but she's always been a really good friend to me. Terribly funny and sarcastic, sharing the same infinite love for bodymods and BME, and the same experience of losing a father far too early. She knows things about me no one else knows. I'm really thankful for having had her to comfort me when I needed it. Never gonna forget our times at Humani(hand)tas. :] Gily.  His hair is twice as long now but this is still my fave pic of him. Even though we grew apart and I can't stand him right now, I had to put him up here. He's probably the only one in this whole world that knows me fully and completely. I realize now, a year after we've broken up, he's the only boy in my life that I can say I really loved. Not just had a crush on..no. Actual love. And that's why I can't forget him, nor just don't care about him. He's always somewhere on my mind. Rik. Can't find a pic of him D: I miss talking to this dude. He's always off to his girlfriend now, it's no good. Rik is definitely one of the nicest guys ever, he's also terribly smart and I like his humor. He's always been there for me when I needed him. When my asshole of a date called off for the 97376287th time and I was kinda breaking down, he came over right away and took me out himself. Will never forget that, I don't know what I would've done if I'd been on my own that night. My mum. In spite of her bad drinking habits and my awful moods (that only seem to come out when I'm around her cause I know I can bitch to her as much as I want and she'll still love me) I really do love her. I'd be lost without her. She knows when there's something wrong with me even when I'm trying SO well to disguise it and I'm not even saying a word. I'm also very proud of her, and I know she's a very strong, intelligent woman with a great attitude. I have underestimated her for a while but I can't hide from the truth. She's amazing, I wanna be like her when I'm older (well minus the drinking and smoking and the bags under her eyes haha). She's been through a lot of shit, lost her father at a young age, got into drugs (speed, hash, opium) lost her boyfriend (and most likely love of her life), kicked off the drugs, fell in love again, had two miscarriages but then eventually got me, broke up with my father when I was 6, and then eventually lost him too. I know she still cared for him, and I'd never seen her more hurt than the day of his funeral. My dad. I lost my dad 4 and a half years ago. And every day that goes by I still miss him. He was the most amazing man I've ever known. He was smart, terribly funny, so wise, so full of knowledge I KNOW I'll ultimately never possess, at least not all of it. He was always looking for more things to explore, like musical instruments, different styles in music, art, philisophers, poetry. He tried to teach me everything he knew, fed philosophy to me in the form of "Sophie's World" (by Jostein Gaarder) when I was only 9 years old, he introduced me to the world of alternative music. Thanks to him I was a big big fan of Bjork, Tori Amos, Blondie, The Beatles and Kim Wilde at age 10. He also got me reading shitloads of books. I remember that for years he bought me piles of books every month, "afgeschreven" from the library, and I devoured them, one by one. I remember how proud he was when he heard I'd gotten into the "Gymnasium" (highest high school education possible). I never finished the Greek and Latin lessons, cause that year he started to get ill and I was too devastated to focus on school. He died of lungcancer that eventually spread out through his entire body, including his brain. I remember him weighing only 42 kilos, shivering and crying, me and my mum at his bed. He couldn't say anything anymore. His brain was damaged and his body was broken. I remember my mum saying that she knew he'd always be watching over me, he'd still see me grow up to be a beautiful woman. We still think those were the last words he heard from us, cause the next morning the hospital called to tell us he got into a coma not soon after we left. 3 days later he'd died. I'll never forget what he meant to me. I like: - Concerts, raves, just going out in general. - Art. Especially surrealistic, magical realistic paintings, Pop-Art, Op-Art and old pieces from the Renaissance and Baroque (i.e. Raphaëllo and Michelangelo). - History, especially old Egyptian, Greek, Roman, Renaissance and Baroque. - My heroes and heroines: Brian Molko, David Bowie, Allison Goldfrapp, Marilyn Monroe, Andy Warhol, Jennifer Connelly, Björk, Pete Burns, Audrey Tautou, Mathilde Willink, Bob Dylan, John Lennon, Thom Yorke, Ana Matronic, Edward Norton, Peter Murphy, Siouxsie Sue, Els Pynoo, and I could go on forever. - People that do exactly what they want to do, wear exactly what they want to wear, look exactly like they want to look. - Reading. Favourite writers are Russell Artus, Anne Rice, Oscar Wilde, Tolkien, Jan Wolkers and Harry Mulisch. - China, Japan, Russia and Germany. - Languages, especially French and Italian (though I don't know more than three words of it ¬¬). - The cyberscene. - Some flavours: chocolate, caramel, coconut, strawberry... mmYum. - Animals and flowers. - High heels, corsets, petticoats, fishnets, (fake) leather, PVC, fluffy stuff. - Piercings and tattoos. I'm obsessed O.o; - Psychology and philosophy. - "Sex, Drogen, und Industrie". Lately I've been living like that. - Dragqueens, and gay people in general. - Music, and therefore my iPod ^^ - Funky coloured hair, extensions an dreads. I dislike: - Racists, sexists, discriminating people, (neo)nazis, homophobes, republicans and other right-winged conservatives, most christians (because of their homophobic behaviour and anti-anticonceptic bullshit), politicians with war on their minds. - "666", self-proclaimed satanists, Marilyn Manson-wannabees, attention-whores. - People that talk too much. People that are proud of their cutmarks and show it to anyone. Dumb people. Ppl wh0 tlk lyk diz. Stalkers. - Dutch rap-music, most hardcore, most grindcore, most hiphop. - Spiders. I'm arachnophobic. - Self-proclaimed 'emos' whose knowledge about emocore doesn't reach much further than Panic! At the Disco and Falloutboy, and who therefore are so completely wrong about what they think they are. - Animal abuse. Like doh. - People that can't form their own style, and therefore copy someone else's to look "cool". - The fact that communism didn't work, and got abused by power-crazed people. - Mathemathics. Because I so suck at them and they always seem so unlogical. - Global warming. Because I want to live, and I want my children to live as well. Likes: Dislikes: Favorite Music: Link 1: http://www.hypnox.com Link 2: http://www.breedart.org Link 3: http://www.gotika.nl
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