A few things you should know. The photo above this box to the left is a link to my photo gallery here on vampirefreaks. The wide blue bar at the top just below my screen name header is the nav bar for my profile. All the photos in my Friends box are links as well to those friends profiles.

Hello my name is Colby. I have many nicknames. My most commonly used nicknames are "DJ Colby, DJ Cheez (cheese), Wild HillBilly and Gothic HillBilly". My self proclaimed name online is takeawaymypain. Its a name I made up when I was a very younge child. Its is the name I wish to go by online and will stick to as long as I remain online.
Feel free to rate me if you want, I always rate back, If you dont rate me owell, Dont matter to me really. Im not here for ratings. Im here to make friends and express myself freely seeing as this is the only site that none of my family will come to because some of them believe is sinist and the others just think its a stupid site. Well I dont. I always act like Im my own person sept when Im around my family. Around family I just act silly and when it comes to many topics or issues I just hold my breathe. Mainly because family is all that I have anymore. Im single and looking so any girls near Henderson Kentucky hit me up if youd like to hang out simetime and get to know one another. Im looking for a girl that is true to herself and others.

Everyone is always asking what my screen name means so Ill give you the story of what it means to me okay. Try living your whole life and everyday always being sick, everyone bossing you around treating you like your helpless and treating you like your not allowed to do shit and they always use the same stupid ass lame excuse (I have diabetes).

Anyway so all my life Ive been pushed to the side, teased, beaten down emotionally and my self confidence has literally been torn from me and that has been used against be on a daily basis for a very long time. for many years now I'm always being treated like I'm 100% fucking helpless. well guess what, I'M NOT! I'm a very strong both mentally and physically person. Id like to join the army basic training schedule without being a liability to them. Id just like to tag along during the training. For many reasons really. I tend to a lot of the time be lazy and an asshole. Id like to join because I want to be more than a good person and I want a whole new me. I want to do it just to show to everyone I'm not helpless and a fuck up loser that has a disorder that most use as an excuse to live off the rest of the USA instead of working like a normal person and living life.
I hate that I always get turned down from jobs or fired just because I have a body part that don't work correctly. I feel disowned and pushed to the side like a fucking white trash fuck up. Well I'm not. I am a person thats very smart and very capable of doing anything any other regular person can or possibly do it better.

Anyway to add to the story sense Ive matured to liking the opposite sex and the what not ya know, Ive always been left, dumped, or just pushed aside for always no real reason and or for to be replaced by some other lame excuse. I fucking hate it and I hate life and how so many are so damn blind and treat everyone else so bad like its an okay thing to do. Ii have feelings, I have loved many and all I ever did was do my best to make em happy and always treat them as if they were my lifeline, many were my lifeline sort of speaking for the longest time, and all I got back was heartache, treated like I never existed, more like a fucking toy for there time being.
I have all these feeling bunched up inside because I have no real people that I can trust to talk about these feelings without being judged or treated like a fucking psycho fuck.

The real meaning to TakeAwayMyPain is take away all this pain and hurt from my whole life and be true to me and finally listen to me and be here for me and not ever leave me or hurt me like everyone else has. That or please just put a fucking loaded gun to my face and do me that favor instead of hurting me like everyone else has done all my life.

If you have any questions or comments for me please ask them or message me please. I'm here for anyone that would like to talk about anything but don't expect for me to share my true feelings all the sudden like Ive known you. It takes time for me to do that and don't be afraid of me judging you or labeling you. That's not my thing and its one of the things i hate most in life as well as that type of people that do those things. I like video games, computer related stuff, website designing and coding, programming, all types of music, sci-fi movies, action movies, diet Pepsi, racing games, rocking out loud to my custom built stereo, animals, Koolaid, puma shoes, dj'ing live. label's, being labled, judgmental people, assholes, posers, shit talkers, animal cruelty, self centered people, thieves, and more. Just about anything really
My most favorite bands tho are the fallowing:

godsmack, creed, mudvayne, korn, five finger death punch, slipknot, saliva, trivium, shinedown, nickelback, marilyn manson, family force 5's, 38 special, white/rob zombie, dry cell, egypt central, all american rejects, lenny kravitz, billy idol, lenard skynard, forigner, journey, the eagles, sevendust, avenged sevenfold, ashes divide, nirvana, sixx am, audioslave, sound garden, adema I Have many wish's, hopes and dreams. I will include them all as fantasy's sense that's what they really are.

My first and foremost the one I want to be fore-filled the most would be for a cure for diabetes. Ive lived a hard long life because of this illness. This illness has kept me from becoming some of the things I wanted and still want to be most in life.
Another fantasy of mine would be to finally start a family of my own, This is the second most powerful fantasy that I have. Ive done a lot in my life, Ive done the things that I wanted to do most that diabetes would let me do, sort of speaking. All I want in life now is to start a family and live the best I can.
The fantasy's that diabetes kept me from making come true were
1. going into the army or military.
2. Becoming a semi truck driver. These fantasy's were more of career fantasy's.

Some of the other silly fantasy's include, a blow job and all day and night sex with Angelina Jolie, Kate Beckinsale, and Rhona Mitra.
I also wish that I could get just one day with the USA President and run my personal ideas of bringing the USA out of recession. I have over 30 pages of information, examples and charts of a fool prof idea that would get ride of a lot of the USA bullshit tax's, making lots of things cheaper and this would also make our contry the richest country in the world.
I will add more to this latter.

It was a name I made up a long time ago. I made it up long befor I or anyone else ever knew about it.

I was ten years old, I was not in my right mind. I was lost and I was all alone. I was taken over by hate, anger and something else that even to this day I do not know what it is. It could be a love of some kind, It could be that deep deep dark monster inside just waiting to reveal itself and bring destruction to those who it does not agree with.

I litterally had no control of myself at the age of ten and knew nore remember hardly anything thing of my life sense then util I was about 16 years old. Six years lost. Were did they go. Did I sleep, Did they just drift away and leave me behind. I do not know. All I know is that durring those years that rage deep inside showed itself, It showed itself in many ways ill never let again.

From a very young age I was pushed to the side and ignored or treated like I was helpless. I was treated like this by everyone in my life. My family, friends, even people I didnt know on a personal level. My Mother and my Brother were the only ones in my life that never gave up on me. They were the only ones in my life and still to this day are the only ones that have stayed by my side and cared for me and taken care of me when I needed them most.

I know it was one of the hardest things for my mother to do but durring this time period I was shipped off from this place to that place. Fosterhome, to mental hostpital. As I reached the age 14 I began to to explor and descover the cause of all my anger, hurt and all these feelings that had consumed me.

Everyone has always asked me what TakeAwayMyPain really means. It has three sorta four meanings. All are what controlled me and my life for so long.

The first meaning :
All my life Ive been ill. Cursed with a desease that will some day be the cause of my death. Treated all my life like I was mentally retarded and teased on a daily basis. Ever sense I was very little all I ever wished for was that some one would come along and find or create a cure for diabetes. If I wasnt wishing for a cure I was day dreaming and obsessing about it so much that I would escape into my mind, into such a deep and far distance day dream. I would fantisise of magical cures, growing out of the of this curse that had litterally consumed my pothetic life and confined me in my own prison.

What did I do to deserve this. Was it something I did in a past life? Was it something I end up doing in the future to make this kind of punishment be bestowed appon me, let alone a small child. I dont know, but I do know that when I die, I will be sent straight to hell. I dont plan on going to heaven, I dont want to be welcomed into the gates of heaven. I want and will have my revenge against god for playing these sick games with my life. They say god loves us all, They say he will not abandon us. He already has. Why else would he put me and so many other through hell like this all of our lives. How could our creator be so evil when he is supposed to represent good?

On to my second meaning :
From the time I knew that I had fingers and a nose, I always wonderd what my real father was like. I would sit for hours day in and day out wondering and day dreaming of things like was he really smart or really strong? Id fantasise about him coming along one random day and saving me and my mother from the abusive boyfriends and husbands. At other times, Id dream of him being rich so that me and mom could move away with him and no longer have to struggle just to make each day our own like we have and still are doing.

Then one day I found out why my father never came along, why he never came to save me and my mother. I was told by someone that he tried to kill me. I knew what they said wasnt a lie. I was told other things that even to this day I wish I still didnt know. Things of how he raped my mother on several ocassions and how he beat me and my mother so badley that each time it would be withing just an inch of our lives. How he tried to kill me, and how he raped my mother in ways that you cant emagine let alone want to know. Crushing my skull and shattering on of my legs by throwing me across a room litterally just trying to silence my cries, I was forever scared. With learning all of this my anger and pain only grew more and more all the time. To this day I still feel I will explode and loose total control if I ever come face to face with him again. I will kill him that is a promise, But only if he confronts me or any of my family. As long as he stays away he has to not worry about loosing his life.
How could anyone do such things to anyone let alone there own child,
How could someone be so heartless and so crule?

Learning of all these secrets that had been hidden and kept from me all my life, add that to a life long mega collection of anger and pain and you got either a deadly human focre, or you have a highly suicidal child. I was both, full force all in one. If I wasnt trying to take my own life I was fighting and loosing control on others. I did not do any of this litterally. I had gone so far deep into my mind I became lost, I didnt know who I was or who any one was. It was more or less like being traped forever in a black hole. I broke down, time and time again. I wouldnt speak to anyone ever, If words came out of my mouth they were in anger and they was coming out in screams. I started doing things to hurt myself to destract my mind from what I was feeling and thinking. This was my life and it was hell.

After awhile many things didnt help any longer. Day dreaming, wishing, my faith, self harm, fighting others, not even the screams untill I passed out worked any more for me. For so long and even to this very day still I wish every night to fall asleep and just simply never wake up. Its getting harder and harder every day just to get out of the bed in the mornings. I just wish that one day Ill wake up and this horiable dream will all be over, and just be one more bad dream.

For so long I have been so angry, So scared, and in so much pain that it has litterally consumed me, my soul and my heart. I have created a self confined prison of all these things in one. Eventually I will no longer be able to hold all these feelings in, I will not be able to controll theme any long like I have been able to for the past few years. The only savior left that can save me is to fallow in the next meaning.

The third reason :
Sense I have been old enough to take attraction in the opposite sex I have loved and hated. I have loved and been loved. I have hated and been hated. All the same old story that is constantly rolling over and over in my head these days with all the other thoughts and feeling about my and my families lives.

I dont know why, but my relationships always see to end up the same way. I have always been one to fall inlove fast and easy. It dont take much for me to fall in love with a woman. Im one who does not cares about the looks. I care about how Im going to be treated. The way to my heart is to treat me like Im human. treat me like Im not defensless. Treat me like any other normal person. Basically treat me the way you wish to be treated. Be honest and faithful. Most girls Ive loved where this way right from the start.

I have loved and I have lost so many. Each relationship always started out great. Yet each girl would betray me in some way that would get so far under my skin I couldnt deal with it. Either they left me and very very few Id tell to hit the road. I am not one to just say get the fuck out. I usually do my best to talk and work things out but one man can only take so much befor he can take no more.

The only thing in life that coulf be my saviour would be both of the fallowing. Someone, Anyone create a damn cure for diabtetes. Cure me from this illness that has turned my life into an emotional train that has lost its conductor. This illness has kept me from achieving the only major goals in life I wanted to achieve befor fieing. And its always the same excuse and treatment. Everyone treats me like im incapable of doing anything just because I have an organ that doesnt work correctly.

Let me meet that special someone. Let her come into my life and me into hers. Let it be so that I want to wake up every day just to see and spend time with her. Let her take my heart and I hers and let us be one. I only want to have the special someone for all that it means and should be and also because the only other major thing in life that I want is to start my own family. I want to hear the lil patter of feet coming down the hallyway, I want to hear those first words that say DADDY, and I Love You. Let us start our family and live happy till our time on this planet and life has come to its end.

I am not like most men, and I will not change or put on an act to make others happy or to make them like me or approve of me. I will tell you what ever exactly like it is and to your face. I am not one to live my life as a lie. I will always be myself any time and anywhere I want.

Even today as of now I still wish for death. I fantisise about an alternate life. I still day dream about many things that could make me and my families lives so much easier. I dont wish for a perfect life, I only wish for a few select things. All I want is my own family and a cure.

Colby Richmond also known as TakeAwayMyPain
4:39am Central time USA
Monday November 16, 2009
Mood: Tired, Depressed, Angry

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