Don't you ever wonder what life would be like if I were still around? If I was still walking beside you, gossiping in your ear. If I was still the one who made your pupils dilate with excitement. If I was still crying on your shoulder, wearing my heart out on my sleeve for you to see. If I was still cracking jokes, or maybe even being the victim of yours. If I was still the one who you told all your secrets to; the one who you confided in when times became unbearable; the one who told you the truth for your well being, no matter how much it pained you; or the one who would gladly take the fall. Don't you ever wonder, if I was still the one? The one person you loved with all your heart, yet was so easy to let go? I felt as if a part of me died that Christmas morning, when the snow was falling fresh and my heart was consuming my flesh. You had torn it right out of my chest, and allowed its demons to devour me once again. It made me feel weakened, as if there was no use in fighting back. Screaming in my ears, that I was the perpetrator, the sinner, the blasphemist. The person who had torn your heart out, and stomped on it endless and countless times, over and over and over, until all your breath and all your might had run dry. But guess what; that is how I feel. Everything I had inside of me, my strength, my faith, my love. And everything else that made me good. They have run dry, and it is all because of you. You. The one who was supposed to be the one to me; the one I could cry to, and tell all my troublesome secrets to. You were supposed to never hurt me. But you have, and what am I to do? All my fondest memories are the memories of you. All my favourite stories are the stories of you. And what am I supposed to do? You've run me over, time and time again. You simply just walk past me, like I am nothing more than the air you breathe. In and out. Out and in. No, I am less than air. I am less than the floor that you walk on, the dirt that you spit in. I am Invisible. I am Nameless. I am Enemy. At least, this is what I am to you. For I know that there are plenty of people out there, though I might not have found them just yet, that love me for who I am. They are Friends. And you are not. I have cried a thousand nights because of you, and as much as it pains me to have lost you forever, I am quite replenished and renewed. I feel like a new person, and it's all because of you. I am mature and confident... and that is where you step into my life once again. Every time you pass me by, and every time I breathe the same air that you breathe, my heart skips a beat. But not in a good way, oh no, not in a good way at all. It is as if it stops. Thud thud thud thud. Thud. Thud... Stop. You see what you have done? You have stopped my heart. And there are so many words I could say, so many names I could call you, but no matter what you take away from me, I am still me. I will be me forever more, and there is nothing you can do to end that. You can stop my heart, or you can make my tears run endlessly down my cheek, but you can never change who this person is. You may have twisted my mind and molded me into someone that I’m not in the past, but not now. Not ever again. You used to make me into a superficial freak; one of your minions, one of your puppets for only you to control. That’s right, you controlled me. Well guess what? I’m not letting you control me anymore. I’ve broken free of those manipulative strings. And guess what else? I’m over it. I don’t even care anymore; not about you, not about what happened, and not even about the friendship that we used to have. And it’s all your fault. It was your decision to make, to stay or to go, and you chose to leave. And that is perfectly fine. Do you want to know why? It’s because I’m not afraid to be the person that I was meant to be. I’m not afraid to just be myself, to wear my mind on my sleeve, and to spill my emotions onto this canvas called life. I have you to thank for that, because that decision you made, to leave and let go, made me a stronger person today. So I suppose instead of bitching and whining, I should honestly thank you. So yes, thank you for all that you did. You made me a stronger, and freer person. I don’t care about you, or what you think of me. I might have trouble getting close with anyone from now on, but that’s just a consequence I’m willing to take. Because of you, I can embrace any challenge with a warm hug and welcome. So now, I have a challenge for you:
