|
|
I will never link you to this page. Should I ever point you towards this page claiming to be the person in those photos, do not believe me, for I am actually STALIN!! And Stalin was a communist, ergo, he was EVIL. Furthermore, do not attempt to expose your titties/pissflaps/willyparts to me on your web-cam even if I beg for you to do so. Needless to say, avoid even the most minimal banter with myself for there is an entire certainty that you're talking to a 100% psychopath, (regardless of whether you're actually talking to me or someone posing as me)... If you were here right now I’d wag my finger at you vigorously and lecture you on social ethics. I hope it comes out fluorescent green and splatters all over your face the next time you masturbate. News & Updates
Plug Click me. Why hello there. *Sniffs finger* My name is Luis... But I changed my name to Jesse. Welcome to my profile! It is shit! Read on. Introvert and geeky, I try ever so much to seem like I'm hard, but I really don't have bad bone in my body. (Except for my right ulna, but that's a long story involving the riot police, an entire bucket of poison-tip nails, a hammer and a herd of rabid goats). 
FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions):
Q: Why did you change your name to Jesse? A: I didn’t. I’m bullshitting again I’m afraid. My real name is actually and still is the last time I checked, Luis Jesse. Q: I noticed the necklace you’re wearing. Are you pagan/wiccan/circus folk? A: I don’t base my life on anyone’s beliefs or theories apart from my own. One day I’ll take off the necklace and use it as a mould to make play-doh figures. Yes, I suck. And no, I’ve never partaken in a circus-like entertainment extravaganza. Q: Do you speak spanish? A: Of course I speak spanish. It says I'm spanish. AAAAAAAAH READ TEH PRFILE!!!1oneonetwo. *seizure* Q: Who took/edited your photos? A: I paid a photographer thousands of dollars to take and manipulate those crap images of myself. I don’t remember his name right now, but I think it was Juan-Jesús Jose María Martín Gonzalez Roberto Manuel-Gomez Perez… Q: Could you tell me about the story involving the rabid goats… etc? A: It’s a long story and I haven’t the time. Q: Do you have AIM/Yahoo/MSN Messenger and would you like to chat? A: Those who really want to talk to me (God knows why on Earth anyone would want to do that) eventually find where my contact information is. GeoHamster. Q: Do you have an E-Mail address I can contact you with? A: No E-Mails for me thankyee, I am Amish. Q: I added you to my contacts but you never speak to me, are you ignoring me? 
A: Two things: 1- Look at the time... What time is it? I thought so. Go to sleep now. =) 2- I live in Spain. We probably live in a different time zone. (GMT+1) Q: What brand of eyeliner do you use? What product do you use in your hair? A: Poo-poo. Q: Did you really pay some guy to take your photos? A: Come back when you're able to figure out what blatant sarcasm is. Q: Do you reply to each and every comment you get? A: Okay, I'll be serious now - No, I don't. I don't reply to most people in fact. Not because I don't appreciate it or people aren't worth my time. It's partly because I keep getting the same questions over and over even though they're "answered" in this FAQ and partly because some comments are plain and simple compliments or criticisms and I don't feel it necessary to thank each and every person individually - it would be nice for you, yes - but I feel more apathetic rather than appreciative if someone is merely looking for acknowledgement of their comments. If I felt like spending more time talking to this community I would reply to more people, but I have other - more interesting things to do - like masturbating or sniffing pens. However, if you want a guaranteed reply from me, send me a picture of yourself with a shoe on your head. Q: Hello stranger, will you chat with me and be my ‘bestest’ friend? A: Don't ask that of me... How many times have you asked a person for a friendly commitment like that and been successful? Hi wil u b my frend!??? LOL, YEH!!! It just doesn’t happen… Q: Oh wow, you're from Spain [how exotic]. What's it like over there? A: Well, what can I say? Spain is a country - in Spain one may find houses, roads and trees. Our national dish is fried chicken liver. We feast upon the earlobes of the elderly. If you look right, you'll always see a turquoise scarf floating beside you. Potatoes run free throughout the country-side and one must watch out for their loincloths, for they will wrap it around your face and suffocate you. Once in Spain, if you look up you will see a thing I like to call "sky" or "clouds" or even a mixture of both. If you see neither it's probably because you're wearing the wrong type of hat which disables you from looking upwards. If you're not wearing a hat and you can't see the sky it probably means that you're gay or have cancer - or genital herpes. If you do in fact have genital herpes I am genuinely sorry for you, but I'd rather you'd not smother your genitals into my face. In spain we specialise in selling "Ń" buttons for the keyboard, we don't export kiwi juice and it is forbidden to bear the name "Harrold" on one of your white t-shirts. And that my friends, is what Spain is all about. Q: Hello, how are you? A: I'm absolutely terrible I'm afraid. You see, I've been cutting myself constantly with the edge of a Mars Bar wrapper. The stress of everyday life has vanquished my thirst for living. Like for example - the other day I was walking down the street and I saw a Friends DVD I really wanted, but I did not have enough money in my wallet. I felt like running into some oncoming traffic. I then phoned up my mother to send me some money but she told me Friends is a load of dingy scrotum. Life isn't fair - I'm going to go top myself now. Q:> Hello, R U in a band lol? A: No, I'm not *that* cool. I do smoke though. Smoking is cool. Don't believe me? Go get hooked on smoking. I guarantee that your coolness shall increase by 800% the instant you light up that cigarette. You don't want to look uncool in front of your friends, do you? Not so Frequently Asked Questions: Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A: Seventeen. Q: Oh man, you’re the best, will you sex me? A: Sure, if by sex you mean smother you in mustard and play tiddly-winks and cluedo all night long without a break I encourage you. It’s one of my fantasies. I’m now going to look up tiddly-winks to see what the game actually consists of… ? Likes:
I will never link you to this page. Should I ever point you towards this page claiming to be the person in those photos, do not believe me, for I am actually STALIN!! And Stalin was a communist, ergo, he was EVIL. Furthermore, do not attempt to expose your titties/pissflaps/willyparts to me on your web-cam even if I beg for you to do so. Needless to say, avoid even the most minimal banter with myself for there is an entire certainty that you're talking to a 100% psychopath, (regardless of whether you're actually talking to me or someone posing as me)... If you were here right now I’d wag my finger at you vigorously and lecture you on social ethics. I hope it comes out fluorescent green and splatters all over your face the next time you masturbate. News & Updates
Plug Click me. Why hello there. *Sniffs finger* My name is Luis... But I changed my name to Jesse. Welcome to my profile! It is shit! Read on. Introvert and geeky, I try ever so much to seem like I'm hard, but I really don't have bad bone in my body. (Except for my right ulna, but that's a long story involving the riot police, an entire bucket of poison-tip nails, a hammer and a herd of rabid goats).
FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions):
Q: Why did you change your name to Jesse? A: I didn’t. I’m bullshitting again I’m afraid. My real name is actually and still is the last time I checked, Luis Jesse. Q: I noticed the necklace you’re wearing. Are you pagan/wiccan/circus folk? A: I don’t base my life on anyone’s beliefs or theories apart from my own. One day I’ll take off the necklace and use it as a mould to make play-doh figures. Yes, I suck. And no, I’ve never partaken in a circus-like entertainment extravaganza. Q: Do you speak spanish? A: Of course I speak spanish. It says I'm spanish. AAAAAAAAH READ TEH PRFILE!!!1oneonetwo. *seizure* Q: Who took/edited your photos? A: I paid a photographer thousands of dollars to take and manipulate those crap images of myself. I don’t remember his name right now, but I think it was Juan-Jesús Jose María Martín Gonzalez Roberto Manuel-Gomez Perez… Q: Could you tell me about the story involving the rabid goats… etc? A: It’s a long story and I haven’t the time. Q: Do you have AIM/Yahoo/MSN Messenger and would you like to chat? A: Those who really want to talk to me (God knows why on Earth anyone would want to do that) eventually find where my contact information is. GeoHamster. Q: Do you have an E-Mail address I can contact you with? A: No E-Mails for me thankyee, I am Amish. Q: I added you to my contacts but you never speak to me, are you ignoring me?
A: Two things: 1- Look at the time... What time is it? I thought so. Go to sleep now. =) 2- I live in Spain. We probably live in a different time zone. (GMT+1) Q: What brand of eyeliner do you use? What product do you use in your hair? A: Poo-poo. Q: Did you really pay some guy to take your photos? A: Come back when you're able to figure out what blatant sarcasm is. Q: Do you reply to each and every comment you get? A: Okay, I'll be serious now - No, I don't. I don't reply to most people in fact. Not because I don't appreciate it or people aren't worth my time. It's partly because I keep getting the same questions over and over even though they're "answered" in this FAQ and partly because some comments are plain and simple compliments or criticisms and I don't feel it necessary to thank each and every person individually - it would be nice for you, yes - but I feel more apathetic rather than appreciative if someone is merely looking for acknowledgement of their comments. If I felt like spending more time talking to this community I would reply to more people, but I have other - more interesting things to do - like masturbating or sniffing pens. However, if you want a guaranteed reply from me, send me a picture of yourself with a shoe on your head. Q: Hello stranger, will you chat with me and be my ‘bestest’ friend? A: Don't ask that of me... How many times have you asked a person for a friendly commitment like that and been successful? Hi wil u b my frend!??? LOL, YEH!!! It just doesn’t happen… Q: Oh wow, you're from Spain [how exotic]. What's it like over there? A: Well, what can I say? Spain is a country - in Spain one may find houses, roads and trees. Our national dish is fried chicken liver. We feast upon the earlobes of the elderly. If you look right, you'll always see a turquoise scarf floating beside you. Potatoes run free throughout the country-side and one must watch out for their loincloths, for they will wrap it around your face and suffocate you. Once in Spain, if you look up you will see a thing I like to call "sky" or "clouds" or even a mixture of both. If you see neither it's probably because you're wearing the wrong type of hat which disables you from looking upwards. If you're not wearing a hat and you can't see the sky it probably means that you're gay or have cancer - or genital herpes. If you do in fact have genital herpes I am genuinely sorry for you, but I'd rather you'd not smother your genitals into my face. In spain we specialise in selling "Ń" buttons for the keyboard, we don't export kiwi juice and it is forbidden to bear the name "Harrold" on one of your white t-shirts. And that my friends, is what Spain is all about. Q: Hello, how are you? A: I'm absolutely terrible I'm afraid. You see, I've been cutting myself constantly with the edge of a Mars Bar wrapper. The stress of everyday life has vanquished my thirst for living. Like for example - the other day I was walking down the street and I saw a Friends DVD I really wanted, but I did not have enough money in my wallet. I felt like running into some oncoming traffic. I then phoned up my mother to send me some money but she told me Friends is a load of dingy scrotum. Life isn't fair - I'm going to go top myself now. Q:> Hello, R U in a band lol? A: No, I'm not *that* cool. I do smoke though. Smoking is cool. Don't believe me? Go get hooked on smoking. I guarantee that your coolness shall increase by 800% the instant you light up that cigarette. You don't want to look uncool in front of your friends, do you? Not so Frequently Asked Questions: Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A: Seventeen. Q: Oh man, you’re the best, will you sex me? A: Sure, if by sex you mean smother you in mustard and play tiddly-winks and cluedo all night long without a break I encourage you. It’s one of my fantasies. I’m now going to look up tiddly-winks to see what the game actually consists of… ? Dislikes: Ronald McDonald. Agh. I hate how rude my dog is when he performs oral on himself everytime I have guests over. I hate the traffic in the morning, in the afternoon and in the evening. It really pisses me off when I'm making/eating food and I get blank stares from various household pets.
If you're under 15 and full of bullshit will you please stop psychoanalysing me please? Like there's enough material here to know and call me conceited/big-headed/arrogant/cocky/plastic nappyrash. Go tell your bloody mother that she's conceited for crust's sake! Like it's not obvious that my profile is both satirical and a mockery... How can I explain? Tongue-in-cheek, don't take opinions too seriously / read between the lines. You're not always a smart guy when you're being cynical. Now watch this, I'm going to type something conceited. GOD I LOVE MYSELF, I AM SO HAWT AND SMARTER THAN YOU. I AM THE BEST AND I AM GOING TO SKULLFUCK YOU. Just kidding, but I bet that made you pop a boner. I'm about as hoity-toity as you are. At least I don't go pushing my fingers right up your nose. A surprising amount of people tell me that I should cheer up on here... I really don't like stating the obvious but... Whatchu' talkin' 'bout foo'? I'm going to go and join some elitist cults now, just to piss you off. HAH. ? Favourite Music: AFI, Alec Empire, Aphex Twin, Atari Teenage Riot, Boards Of Canada, Chris Clark, Concord Dawn, Dead Kennedys, Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster, Extremoduro, Kid606, Kortatu, La Polla Records, Lords Of Acid, Mindless Self Indulgence, Nine Inch Nails, Pendulum, Placebo, Primus, Prodigy, Rudimentary Peni, Ska-P, Skinny Puppy, Siniestro Total, Snake River Conspiracy, Venetian Snares, VNV Nation, Will Haven... But Steps has to be my favourite band... Ever. I'D DIE FOR THEM. Or more precisely prod here for my last.fm profile. Now is upon the time in which we break-dance... By the way: I sell crack to little kids. I'd really like to thank every individual who leaves me a nice comment, though unfortunately it's kind of a hard endeavour. My intentions aren't to seem or to be ignorant; or anything of the sort. Don't get me wrong, it's just very time consuming to reply to eeeeeeveryone. I still read 99% of the comments. 
Don't accuse me of ripping!
W00t, I just revamped my profile and added pictures! Making me seem quite fond of myself with all the piccies. Oh well... *Touches himself infront of the mirror*. 
I still get people asking me if I really did pay some guy to take my photos... Jesus tampon-wearing Christ, I'll set this straight I guess. No, I did not pay anyone a ridiculous amount of money for the photos. I did them myself and they're CRAP - Over and out. Don't just log in, say "hi" and then throw a fit after waiting a whole two seconds. I don't always have my eyes fixed on the chat. (Pay attention to the status). Status: Away LOOK UP! I know it's kind of silly to have to point it out yet again, but you'd be surprised at the amount of people who disregard the note and status when they enter the chatroom and get pissed off because there's no reply. Ancient Video Add to My Profile | More Videos |
