Painting
Traditional and body painting.
Twice fallen 08

Dead roses 08

Mechanics Vs. Nature 12-12-09

Painted ladies project
All from 09

Drawing
Multi mediums, sketches, color pencil and ink
Ranging from 05-08 (Sorry no current ones)

Modeling
All from Feb 09 - Oct 09

Makeup
My makeup showcase, old and new
Starting with 09

Below are from 07 & 08

Photography
Photos by me and self portraits.
All from 09

Literature
Stories and poetry by me
Resurrection

I pulled the dust cover off of my sleeping heart.
Called to attention by its restless beating.
So loud it broke the silence of my contemplation.

I carved ideals lost to time from the back of my skull.
Once banished there by the cruelty of shattered bonds of trust.
Hung to dry by failure and thoughts of regret.

I painted wings upon my fallen hopes and dreams.
Ushering them toward a half opened door.
Praying to the unknown that it doesn't slam in my face.

I reach out toward a translucent figure in front of me.
Knowing very well it may be a fleeting shadow.
So sure that it's really a materialized dream.
I wait to wake while I hope that I do not.
Hoping that I will actually fall asleep.
Waking once more with confirmation, reality or dream?


Burst

Canvas clean and untouched like something holy
I burst and spill my soul as if paint and it is
So that the image is preserved in time as if frozen within me
This pure mistress never turns from my hearts doors
And takes it all in until she is a reflection in my eyes
Knowing that people no longer see the canvas only her color soaked threads
They don't appreciate her purpose as the vessel of creativity
The weight that she must carry
They don't appreciate that a part of my soul is placed within
All they see is an image one far from what is there
This burst is nothing more then color to them
Then they tire of my exposed soul
Tossing it aside for all the depth they can't see


City lights

Millions of soft glowing lights hover in the cool air
Sounds like a humming dull roar, a heart beat
Smells like crisp cold and cheap food to go
I reach for the night sky, I can almost touch it

I live in a living being with thousands of consciences
Who's soul is painted upon the face of passers by
I've watched it grow from a child, it and I
I love and hate, so many memories, pleasure and pain

So much has been lost here to time and memory
Stories, heartaches, and in return inspiration as well
Passion has set me on fire but also burnt me up
Too many ashes here in this place that stole my time

I thirst for new scenery without buried memories


Here I lay

I've been here before in this haven of the dead
Cold stones and warmly colored gifts of sorrow
Slowly passing silhouettes of the lonely who can't let go
Resonating emptiness of a place full of souls

Here I come to be alone from the worlds chaos
Here I come for the company of lonely souls
Here I die inside as past memories are layed to rest
Here I live again through other memories

I spill my love onto paper and passing wind
Because like the people resting within ground
People soon forget me and pass right by
The only difference is my material prison

Here my soul cries out like all the others
Here I lay my love to rest so it's not so heavy anymore
Here my passion flows to form on paper
Here I leave these human rarities

All because there is no other place for it
No place for love in a hateful world
No place for passion is this shallow existence
No place for honesty among these liars
Here I my soul already lays as if I was as dead as they are...


Sensory overload

Mind twister, bringer of much thought
Consumed by inspiration I thought I forgot
Strange visions and compulsions engross me
a mind fuck, sensory overload, heart forgive me
Conducive to creativity but destructive to time
much too valuable to attempt to rewind
My mind must be a destroyer of hearts
manipulation, mind flux and masterful arts
I long I love I lust for depth and clarity
Toying with time, results may vary
In the end I fear I'm a marionette
Longing for something I haven't seen yet


Questions

Where does inspiration come from? the mind or the heart
Or soul? Sometimes I can't reach that part
How does one stir it to the surface?
So that my works and words have purpose
How do I interpret to begin to compose
It's a matter of perspective I suppose
Does my work reach the depth from which it came?
If so I can't imagine it would feel the same
How do I know how others will perceive?
Or what kind of feelings they might receive
All I can really do is create
And hope that just one person will appreciate


I dreamt another

I dream of you and then I wake
to realize it must have been a mistake
Because it isn't you who I see
Who I wake with laying beside me
This i ponder what it means
to have another in my dreams
not discontent with whom I wake
yet dreams can not be a mistake
and when you look at me I see
something within your eyes for me
I have to wonder what it means
to have another in my dreams


Broken lover

Broken lover, now I see you,
That either path would destroy you,
Finally now I have forgiven you,
For doing what you had to do,
I hope that you survived it too,
and know that I still love you,
I hope that time will give to you,
the love to heal what you've been through,
broken lover, I have nothing to offer you,
but the broken heart you put me through,
I understand what you had to do,
broken lover I forgive you


I burn alive

I toss and turn, I die in my sleep,
Over and over, I will repeat,
Every night my soul escapes,
Till the day break when I awake,
To hell I travel and back again,
All for refusal to make amends,
I break sweat as I burn at night,
Because of the feelings I hold tight,
All for the vengeance I can't let go,
And for the peace I will not know,
For the hatred every day I live,
because I am to prideful to forgive


Another Hollow

I hold out my hand as it fades into the dark
Holding my breath for some creative spark
Something to light his way out of the void
Offering to pick up the pieces she destroyed
Trying to salvage this life battered being
To show him all the things in him I'm seeing
An unwelcome intruder into his downward spiral
A self destruction countdown while in denial
Knowing well what lies at the bottom I wonder
If a person can escape the void before they go under
It's like I'm watching a movie with no sound
Slow motion as I relive the moment I hit the ground
Eyes closed so I couldn't see the hands extended for me
Another choice if only I would look and see
There may be no point in my presence here
But my motives and intentions are sincere


You burned with me

Warm fingertips flow gently over my skin,
Catching every nerve and electrifying my senses,
His eyes pass and then lock with mine,
My heart is racing so loudly he may hear it,
I'm so sure that he can feel it pounding,
I feel weak as I not accustomed to submission,
Strongly he pushes me down and to the edge,
Having courage for both of us because I don't,
He kisses me and takes it all inside,
Gently removing me from these cloth prisons,
He submerges himself within my depths,
Can you breathe with all of this fire in the air,
Going beyond physical pleasure he enters my soul,
He lays beside my broken body and breathes me,
We exist as one, feeling each others passion,
I wonder if he knows what he just did,
Gently withdrawing as if he were never there,
And then the stares, earth shattering eyes,
I wonder what he's thinking inside,
Tired of investing in broken merchandise,
And fragile circumstance that cost so much,
I dare you to leap because I already have,
What if instead of falling we both fly?


Dead roses

Like a Rose on a gravestone,
I layed there and waited,
still nothing, and no one, and never,
As the days faded into weeks,
faded into months, will fade into years,
and the rose will die,
But will forever be there,
waiting, longing, loving,
And if the wind erodes away my substance,
my soul will remain, hope or not,
though the beauty will fade, so tell me,
Nothing lasts forever,
Will you still recognize me,
when you return,
these of many things I think,
As I lay there waiting,
days, weeks, months, years,
forever, always..


Remnants of the rose

As I slept for an eternity,
only my remnants remain,
As I waited for your return,
I underwent this change,
My heart turned to dust,
My love turned to hate,
My mind full of disdain,
For the time gone to waist,
Nothing lasts forever,
will you love what I've become,
Time changes everything,
can you face what you have done,
Tell me my love, my everything,
my nothing, what have you become,
Where have you been, and why,
Was it worth what you gave up,
I'm stuck in this hourglass,
Caught within time,
a ghost in this graveyard,
The roses have died


.:Beautiful Nightmare:.

Her fingers pressed lightly into the wound, its warmth left its paint upon her fingers. She still felt heavy, in a bubble just coming back into consciousness. She scanned the room but it was empty. Nothing but her familiar surroundings. An empty chair, a nightstand, a dresser. The window was cracked and the sounds of the cars make a dull hum as she attempted to come back into consciousness. He didn't stay, but she knew why. After all if he had, she might not have woken up at all. Ghosting of his presence haunted her. She could still feel his hands on her neck. The copper sweet scent of blood and semen hung like a musk in the air. She hesitantly willed her body up off the bed. Another set of sheets to be tossed, a trivial thought crossed her mind.

The brightly illuminated bathroom stung her eyes as she entered it. Bits of memories poked presence in her mind. Life and death meant nothing to the two of them. It was just another form of existence like any other. They would be together for eternity and lifetimes to come so why should this existence matter. She tightly wrapped gawz around her stomach and rinsed her hands. The red faded pink and disappeared into the drain. She squinted into the mirror struggling to focus at first. How the bloody kiss marks turned her on. She touched the crimson kiss mark on her cheek then her lips, breathing heavily. She had never felt anything like him before. Nobody in touch with so much darkness. Nobody as sick as her, nobody as passionate! Herrsugeon, she whispered but it faded...

.................

He paced back and fourth in his study. It was there, the inspiration was at his fingertips. He closed his eyes and envisioned her lips, like fire. Not so good for concentration he thought. What was she thinking, didn't she know what he could do to her, what he would do to her. Every memory was clear like a piercing wound. Her eyes, her body, her voice still saying "it's alright I belong to you". He let out a frustrated sigh. She knew exactly what he could do and didn't care. Wasn't that part of the reason she was so appealing? He could only do something so beautiful to someone worthy of this art. Someone he loved, but who besides the two of them would understand. He couldn't, not even if they both wanted to. Not without a price, freedom. Body bags, never in cuffs.

......................

She curled up in the soft chair and stared into the black night with the dull glowing of the city lights. "Hello nurse" She could feel the warmth of him so close to her now as he stood above her behind the chair. "Did you think that we were finished", he whispered. She tilted her head back to expose her neck before replying "no, it will never we finished until one or both of us", her voice was interrupted by his lips. How she burned inside when he kissed her. He moved to the front of the chair and stared down at her with his dark brown eyes. She ran her hands over his perfectly sculpted body, with every curve and muscle under her fingertips. Did he even know she worshiped him. His perfect body, his sharp mind, his dark heart. She stood up pressing her naked bandaged body into his.

She backed slowly down the short hall way into the bedroom. He walked toward her and grabbed her arms as he pushed her to the bed. The bed was still covered with damp crimson as they lay there still staring at one another. Same thoughts, so much so that they wondered who they belonged to. It wasn't fair, the world that is. We should be together without resistance. Understand the love and passion of the artists soul and two in the same presence makes the world shudder. The impressionable world they manipulate, together even more so then apart. The force of him laying on her and his hands intertwined with hers made her weak.

His lips moved softly brushing her collarbone, then breast. Lips, tongue, then teeth teased her, urging her to do something other then lay there. She slid her leg between his and leaned up to latch onto his trachea. He twitched but she did not loosen her grip. She tightly gripped his shoulder with her hand and then released. She shoved him over provoking him. He lay there submissive for the moment but that could always change in a second. She unfastened the buttons slowly one by one. It seemed hardly fair that she was already naked and he was fully clothed. She kissed his neck, then collar bone. She grazed her teeth across the bone then latched on. He gasped for breath as she did so. She dug her fingernails into his shoulders deeply.

His erection pressed against the zipper of his pants painfully. Her lips were moving softly down his chest. She stopped to stare at him, then broke away and pressed her teeth into his hipbone. He inhaled deeply and sucked the cold metal that hung from his lip. There her hands were, hovering softly over his pants. The button popped open and her fingers touched the skin at the rim of his pants. She grasped the zipper and pulled. She tugged the pants loose and dropped them to the floor. She looked so domineering. He would let her believe that she was in control, for now. Her lips pressed softly against the fullness of his cock. Her warm mouth slid down and back up in a rhythmic movement.

Meanwhile he reached over to the nightstand for a small bit of fun. A thick small chunk of paper fell slowly to the floor as the sharp razor shined in the dull little bit of light shown through the window. She stayed silent as she watched him. He approached her and grazed the blade across her chest. Then he pressed and slid heavily the blade across her hip. Crimson slowly excreted from her wound as his tongue slid into the cut. It stung as she threw her head back and breathed heavily. He touched the cut and smeared her pale body with its juices. He watched her face silently as he set the razor on the bedside night stand. Then her lips opened to say something. He already knew what it was, she was going to test him again.

"I am your bitch", she whispered. He sunk his teeth into her wound then licked it in an almost wolf like fashion. His hands inched towards her throat, as she threw her head back. She waited, longing for him to clench tightly around her small neck. He grabbed her neck with one hand squeezing hard and pressed his lips into hers. She could taste the blood as his hands formed around her neck and tightened. She gasped for breath and released knowing that it would be a while before her next. Her eyes flickered and her body started to tingle. Right as she felt herself starting to slip out of consciousness he released her. She gasped for breath once more and the oxygen sent a wave of euphoria through her body. Just when she thought she could regain oxygen again he clenched her throat once more. Her body fell limp and then twitched. "I love you" he whispered, as her body laid unconscious on the bed. Perhaps the only time he was capable of relaying such feelings.

........................

She awoke in silence. She was on her side wrapped in a blanket. He was gone, she was sure of it. She stared at the wall holding very still. He moved his hand onto her waist and rested it there. It startled her at first, but then she felt a relief she was unfamiliar with. He wasn't gone, and she was still there, this time...

.........................
.........................

Tori sighed and glanced up from her book around the coffee house. She sat here every morning and read. Steam rolled off of her mint frapachino as she scanned the coffee house. She never understood how she could feel so lonely around so many people. Familiar with so many faces yet nobody remembered her. Was she too simple to be noticed, not worthy of a friendly hello?

She lightly sipped her hot beverage when she noticed him again. This distinctive man. He had only been coming in for a few days but had certainly caught her attention. Perhaps what caught her the most was his eyes. They were such dark and intriguing eyes. His hair was straight black and hung partly on his face touching his lips. And oh his lips, they were so soft and inviting even with the bit of metal that went through his bottom lip. She hadn't seen many men with piercings, he had to be about 30. She couldn't help but to stare.

As he walked to the back of the coffee shop their eyes met. He smiled ever so slightly and her eyes darted down to her book. Oh god, he caught me staring. Flustered she quickly put her book in her bag and headed out the door. Justifying her actions to herself she thought, I have to pick up a couple things before work. She realized how she contradicted her longing for social interaction with her avoidance of social situations. What is wrong with me she uttered under her breath.

.........................
.........................

Emma rubbed her eyes and silenced the never ending tapping of her keyboard. What a redundant job. Emma was in data entry though it was hardly use of her talent. With her pale gray eyes she gawked at the clock. She may as well have been looking right through it. To the naked eye Emma was sure she appeared to be like everyone else. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The pain in her abdomen served as a reminder of how slowly time would pass until she saw him again.

Emma brushed a curl out of her face and and straightened her suit jacket. She attempted a silent pass through the office to escape for lunch. If only she were that lucky...

"Emma! Hey would you care to join us for lunch? A few of us girls are going to the steak house down the street. You should get to know some of the girls here in the office, no need to be so shy." Spoke one of Emma's coworkers.

Emma stared at her while she continued to talk. She didn't care to know any of them really. Nor was she shy, she simply had no desire to be in the presence of any of them really. She silently stared as the women buzzed on in her ear.

"Oh and Karen is throwing a little office birthday get together this week for you know who's birthday. By the way have you lost weight? Oh my you seem to have a spot on your shirt honey."

"What?" Emma's eyes darted down to her blouse then back to the women. "It's nothing, just a bit of a pastry I ate this morning." Emma pulled her jacket together and buttoned it. "I can't join you, I have a prior engagement to attend during lunch."

..........................
..........................

Emma tossed her suit jacket on the couch and kicked off her heals. She sighed and clicked the button for her answering machine. She pealed off her button up shirt, ruined she thought. She really needed an effective way to remove blood stains because it seemed like she ruined a lot of things that way.

Emma started to run the hot water in the bath and made her way back to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and stared into it for a while. Nothing worth eating she thought.

Steam rolled off the tub as Emma slowly eased into it. As she laid there and relaxed she thought about him. How did she get so deep in this dream. She thought back not so long ago when she first met him...

........

Emma rushed around her apartment putting in her earrings and strapping her shoes on. Putting final touches on her makeup and headed out the door. She wasn't sure why she was even going to this party, she didn't even like her coworkers.

"Emma" There it was, the shrill voice of one of Emma's many fellow office workers. "Isn't this party great! The turnout was much larger then last year" Emma watched the womens lips as they moved though she wasn't listening. She felt as though someone was staring at her though she couldn't put her finger on who. She scanned the room until she spotted a dark haired man looking right at her. "Excuse me" Emma said to the overly excited women who had captured her.

Emma slipped away and walked toward the back of the room passing the many chattering people. Of course he was standing right next to Emma's boss who she didn't care for. He was always trying to get her into bed. "Emma" said Emma's boss, "this is one of our newest employees, his name is Shawn" Good to meet you said Shawn as he shook her hand. She felt a tremble shoot down her spine. "Have we met before" said Emma. "I don't believe so, I would have remembered a beauty as remarkable as yourself" spoke Shawn, though he was sure he recognized her as well. "This is Emma, she is one of our newer employees as well. She is well on her way to moving up the latter. In a few short months she has managed to catch my attention." Emma's boss went on. Emma rolled her eyes but he didn't catch it. "Shawn is our new marketing agent, he is very good at what he does." Emma's boss rambled on as Shawn and Emma stared each other down.

...........................

"Are you as bored with this party as I am" spoke Emma. She had followed him into one of the hallways. The dull roar of the party rumbled behind them.

........

Emma slid farther into the tub and ran her finger across her bottom lip. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She breathed deeply and let out a sigh as the steam rolled off the water. She felt so safe around him even though he was the most dangerous encounter she had met. It just seemed right.

..........................
..........................

Tori sipped her coffee and scrolled down the pages of lonely internet bound souls that roamed the internet while people should be sleeping. She felt so pathetic sometimes. She wondered if he would be at the coffee shop tomorrow. Not that it mattered because she would never have the courage to talk to him. But it would be nice to have someone smile at her again.

Hours faded away as the sun began to peak through her curtains. Another sleepless night. She began her morning ritual starting with another pot of coffee. Popped a couple sedatives to make things interesting. Threw on a change of cloths and headed out the door. The sky was sill only beginning to light up and the air was cool and crisp. She walked the two blocks to the coffee shop and claimed her usual seat at the back of the coffee house near the restrooms. Except this time she was waiting for him.

Like clockwork the regulars of the coffee shop came and went in a bustling fashion. He still wasn't there. She got up out of the booth and straightened her shirt. Just as she was turning to head to the restroom he walked in the door and headed for the front counter. She quickly turned and headed down the hall toward the womens restroom.

............................

Shawn looked in the mirror and ran his fingertips across the claw marks on his shoulder. He smirked as he pulled his shirt over his head and put on his suit jacket. I wonder if she meant what she said when I asked her about it he thought. Was she really as sick as he was. God she was beautiful.

He gathered his brief case and straightened his tie as he headed out the door and down the street for several blocks until he reached his favorite coffee shop. He hadn't lived in this city long but he already had his favorite. And then there was that girl that always stared at him when he came in. He smiled at the thought. Cute little redhead always with a book and coffee in her hands. I wonder... he thought to himself.

He glanced at his watch, running a bit late today. He quickened his pace and entered the door of the coffee shop hurrying toward the counter. He glanced at the back to see if she was here. Their eyes met for a second as she disappeared into the hallway toward the bathrooms. Oh, well maybe another day he thought. He ordered a large iced coffee and headed for the door. Then he stopped and looked toward the hallway at the back.

Taking a few moments to contemplate he headed for the back and set his coffee on her table as he walked down the hall and stopped in front of the bathroom door. Tori exited the bathroom startled by his presence. He put his hand on the wall next to the door as he glanced her up and down. She breathed heavy as she scrunched as closely to the door as she could be.

What is going on she thought, am I dreaming. She was sure he could hear her short quick breaths and racing heart. With his other hand he reached to tuck her hair behind her face and leaned in toward her ear. She could feel her face getting hot. "Things aren't always as they seem. You don't want to be involved..." He whispered as he breathed in. "But then again..." He withdrew and left her standing there as he headed for the door.

She reached up and touched her neck as her mind filled with thoughts. "Excuse me" The silence was broken by a women. "Are you done with the restroom?" she asked in a hurried tone. "oh yeah, sorry" Emma said as she slipped back down the hallway and sat down at her table.

DIY
Craft projects by me
Steampunk necklace May 09

Feather and lace hair piece May 09

Bloody box summer of 09