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****This page contains my poetry****


Underground

Insides are tearing
Convulsing
Wailing
Weeping hearts
Show their face
Confronting the Task of Death
Clicking, Clicking
The Hand moves backwards
Seconds speeding soundlessly
Tearing wider
Light searing through
Blazing bitterness bites
The hole shut
Pearing and searing without intent
Slam the head into Sand
Run fingers over
The Mahogany Mattress
Faltering familiarity
Holds the shade
Fastened
Glued
Never breaking ground

~

Consumption of the Flame

Evergreens sway with the sounds of chirping birds
Nothing disturbs those under the great evergreen
Butterflies swirl in the wake of a breeze
Lightning flashes
All scatters
Terrified of the crashes
Haunting curiosity grips me
Closer I inch
To the scene of despair
Bile wrenches upwards
Severed bodies of birds lie in the shade of the evergreen
Charred, smelling of burning flesh and feathers
Death swirls around me
Destroying all in its path
Silently I creep out of its hold
I am just an observer
Too interested for my own safety
Firelight catches my glance
Dancing flames among the clouds
Tethered to the Heavens
They reach down
Drawling me into its embrace
Shadows surround the flame, enveloping me
Ashes emerge
I fall
Colliding with the great evergreen
The flame abandons me, moving to its next victim

~

Destiny Fire

They said she will grow to forget him
They were wrong
There was nothing left for her
No tears left to shed
Swallowed by the sea of black
They will learn to forget her
Destiny Fire
Shit
Snap out of it
Business suits and miniature cell phones
Mental note to steal
Just another picture
Left home
Heart set on the city
That's the girl that ran away
She's weird
Lost in thought
Needed it fast
You're beautiful
Whispered in her ear
Crossed her arms
Don't say that
Alley
By Ninth Street
No Address
I love you

~

Bus Stop Observations

The hard bench keeps me alert of those around me.
So many people, so many possibilities.
Each person holding a different purpose in life.

A woman hushes her crying baby.
A man reads the latest newspaper, focusing on the sports section.
A grandmother hums to herself a tune, remembering her youth.
A boy, around ten or so, rides his bike in circles to pass the time.
A young man bobs his head to the beat of the music emanating from his headphones.

The sun beats down and little beads of sweat form on my forehead.
I squint my eyes in an attempt to gather my surroundings.
A tree with wilting leaves.
Pavement partially covered with sand.
Blacktop, crisscrossed with white, yellow and blue paint, all in various stages of fade.
A few sparse fluffy clouds in the sky, severely cut by black power lines.
A Burger King, a Checkers, a diner and a bar, all within eyesight.

Such a beautiful day.
So many things to do.
So many places to visit.
Not enough time.
I would like to just sit here.
Watch everything.
But that is unfortunately impossible today.

The bus approaches.
All activity ceases.
Everyone moves into a jumbled line.
Race to the front.
Get the best seat.
God forbid you are stuck next to someone you don’t know.

~

Fuck God

Your God is dead
He writhed in pain
Till I ripped his heart out
He begged and pleaded
For me to be merciful
Is that your ideal leader?
A coward
A fake
Who cried when faced with death
Who is He to condemn me?
Who is He to say I'll burn in Hell?
Who is He to say I'm not worthy for Heaven?
I may be a bastard
But I don't deserve torture
God is dead
Forever lost to my eyes
I will not bend myself to His rules
I will do as I please
Fuck God
I will not spend my life worshiping a megalomaniac
I have better things to do
With the little time I have
Fuck church
Fuck damnation
Fuck the wine
Fuck the bread
Fuck the sinners
Fuck the pure ones
Fuck Judgment Day
Your fucking God is dead
Don't try to revive Him
He is a lost cause
He has gone to Hell
If he will ever emerge
He will be tainted
Contorted and twisted
God is fucked
And I am not
I am free of Him


~

Remembering the Forgotten

Death is the beginning of a Journey
A never ending, wondrous journey
The traveler may or may not be willing

As the casket lowers
Flowers fall
Tears form ans splash to the ground
Those left behind
Begin to hate
Lash out in anger
Cry until there are no more tears left

As rain falls on the freshly dug dirt
A life is washed away
Memories turn to stone
Forgotten yet remembered

As weeds grow upon the dirt
Time moves on
You are joined by those you love
By those you despise
And by those you never knew

One life is made
While others fade
Emotions stir and lines blur
But one thing is unrelenting and constant
Someone will remember what someone forgets

~

Endless Burning

Feelings intervenes fate
Wind blows differently
Unpredictable feared change
Tempers flaring everywhere
Fights appearing suddenly
People enter fire
Minds melding quickly
Stomach wrenching apart
Lungs inhaling smoke
Eyes burning endlessly
Despair flooding senses
Unclear thoughts overriding
Fear exploding chances
Paths closed forever
Unrelenting pain searing
Time slowing down
Hope fades away
Death consumes all
No life remains
Destruction reigns supreme

~

Freak

I walk down the street in broad daylight
A car drives by and the driver yells out the window "FREAK!"

I wear black-therefore I must be depressed
I listen to metal music-therefore I must be violent
I don't go to church-therefore I must be a devil worshiper
I wear a trench coat-therefore I must be homicidal
I like vampires-therefore I must drink blood
I find death beautiful and mysterious-therefore I must be suicidal
I love pentagrams-therefore I must be a witch
I like the night-therefore I must be trouble
I like horror-therefore I must be disturbed

I have been accused of all of these things

Freak, maybe
Depressed, not sure
Violent, at times
Devil worshiper, who in their right mind would worship evil? Not me.
Homicidal, no, not at all
Blood lover, everyone has to love it or at least appreciate it, blood keeps us alive
Suicidal, my life is to good
Witch, I wish
Trouble, no, my conscience gets the best of me
Disturbed, slightly

Next time, look deeper before you judge me.
I am not the person who you think I am.
It is impossible to know someone at just a glance.
How would you feel if I judge you with only a glance?
Angry?
I thought so.
Please stop doing it to me.
Or maybe, because of you,
I'll become what you think I am for a split second

~

Curiosity-A Sharp Toothed Friend

Have you ever had a sudden attraction to someone?
Blinding and uncontrolling?
Mind boggling?
Desire dripping off of every thought?
Someone that has been right in front of your eyes but now you all at once truly see them
Makes you think
Stopping your breath in wonder
Contemplating all the possibilities
All the consequences
Curious as to why you never saw it before
Hesitant on whether or not to act
Do you want to risk something bad happening?
Do you want to change something that has undeniably worked up to this point?
You can't think properly
You feel frozen in time
You ask: "What is the measure of happiness?"
"What does it mean to be truly happy?"
"Can more than one achieve happiness in conjunction?"
Who knows?
I sure don't
I'm just lost in my thoughts
Reflecting on matter of the heart verses the mind

~

Torturous Love

Hey Asshole--

Will you let me in on what I did wrong?
Why the fuck are you shutting me out?
Suddenly
Without explanation
Mother fucker-TELL ME!
I think I deserve and explanation

You always made me laugh
You always made me smile
You always made me blush
Now, you make me cry
Not knowing the reason why
Please
I'm waiting
For your reply

After all those hours on the phone
How can you ignore me, leaving me all alone?
I let you glimpse into my soul
A rare privilege given to no one
I worried about you constantly
And this is how you repay me?
You fucking jerk

You always made me laugh
You always made me smile
You always made me blush
Now, you make me cry
Not knowing the reason why
Please
I'm waiting
For your reply

I love you, you fucking shithead
You said you loved me too
Was it a fucking lie?
Is it a one sided thing?
Did you change your mind?
I need to know why

You always made me laugh
You always made me smile
You always made me blush
Now, you make me cry
Not knowing the reason why
Please
I'm waiting
For your reply

You always made me laugh
You always made me smile
You always made me blush
Now, you make me cry
Not knowing the reason why
Please
I'm waiting
For your reply

DON'T KEEP ME WAITING

You always made me laugh
You always made me smile
You always made me blush
Now, you make me cry
Not knowing the reason why
Please
I'm waiting
For your reply

Answer me asshole
I can't stand the pain of not knowing

~

THE ACT

Crowd swaying
Arms encircling
Eyes connecting
Lips touching
Breath aligning
Hands moving
Minds racing
Conscience flickering
Heart pumping
Blood flowing
Palms sweating
Time quickening
Noises blaring
Bodies crashing
People rising
Universe disappearing
Everything fading
Two Existing

~

Numb

My wish has come true
You're not here
Was it for the best?
Probably
You're not here to comfort me
You're not here to scold me
You're not here to make me smile
You're not here to make me laugh
You're not here to make me cry
You're not here to challenge me
I've already forgotten what it's like
To live with you
As if you were never here at all
It's been a long it since we last spoke
It should hurt to know that
But for some reason, unknown to me, it doesn't
I don't feel anything
I must be numb
Still in shock
Why aren't you pushing to see us?
Have you already moved on?
I'm not sure if I have
I just don't know
But what I do know is
I miss you

~

The Way I Am

I hate the things people do
The things people think
How they act
How they expect you to act
How they push so hard

Sorry, I need some alone time
If you don't respect my space
Then you can back off

I am a Solitary Creature

I need to be by myself sometimes
When I sink into that mood
Everything makes me angry

I do apologize for my actions
Or lack there of
I have resolved myself to a certain behavior
It'll take more than a week to
Alter that mindset I have fought to keep

If I tell you to back off a bit
Or withdraw from your touch
I'm sorry, but I can't help it
I'm not used to it

We're moving so fast and it scares me
Just give me a little bit of reflecting time
I have to get used to you
To integrate you into my lifestyle

If it takes longer than you expect
Remember, it's not your fault
It's mine

~

A Cerulean Paradise

Floating toward a place whitened by a bright light
Light so bright it prevents all vision
A sense of clarity and peace
My eyes adjusting, regaining my sight
Beautiful black roses bloom everywhere
Water flows through cracks in the ground
Beauty is everywhere, unfaltering
The water is made up of the same cleansing color as the sky
Cerulean blue, the purest of all blues
The wind whips through my hair
The wind sends countless numbers of butterflies swirling around me
This place seems unreal
It is like a dream, like it shouldn’t exist
Purged of all the evils of life
My soul is finally at rest
Who could have known that the afterlife would be this fulfilling
It felt like I had been waiting an eternity to enter this amazing realm
My journey has been completed
The weary traveler has reached the end of the road
What lies ahead, is for someone else to discover
I am finished
I will forever dwell in this cerulean paradise

~

Cycle of Terror

Bathing in a pool
Pool of blood and sorrow
Absorbing all the desire and sin
Everything has changed
Turned upside down abandoned
The want for everything good has melted away
The forgotten feeling encased in hate
Nothing pure is left to protect
Cradled in fear, embracing the darkness
Screams fill the air
Nothing to comfort you in your hour of need
All senses are numbed
Empty and lost, all is gone
Unable to shed a single tear for the other damned souls
You are one of them now
Trapped forever in this ongoing cycle of terror
Pain and sorrow for all eternity
Get used to it
Forget all you have known
It is all useless here
All memory of you is wiped away
Enter your sentence with hate
Full of desire and sin

~

A Wish For Bliss

Forty-eight hours of bliss
Gone in a blink of an eye
I want to see you again
Look into your beautiful brown eyes
Run my fingers through your long burgundy hair
Hear your soothing deep voice
See your heart-melting smile
Where are you?
I look for you everywhere
Are you looking for me too?
I think about you constantly
It’s amazing how two days can change a person so much
We stayed up all night
Talking about everything and anything
You looked up at me through a curtain of silky burgundy hair
I want to feel your arm around my waist again, keeping me safe
I need to find you
But all I have is a name
No one knows you
Every time I think about you, a small smile creeps on my face
Reliving the memory of you over again in my mind
That’s all you are, a mere memory
A deep regret, a secret desire
I’m always wondering what it would be like to be with you
I miss you and I only met you once
Once is not enough
I need more
I want you, only you

~

Dented

All gone but one
One chance to do something right
But knowing me
I'll fuck it up
Just like I always do
Is there anytime
That I get it right?
Can't I ever come out on top?
Why are you afraid of me?
Am I really that scary?
You have to tell me
What it is I'm doing wrong
I need to know
The unknown is slowly eating me alive
Am I selfish?
Am I harsh?
Am I too aggressive?
Why do I frighten you?
You have to at least give me that
Please don't keep me in the dark about this

~

Justice By Suffocation

Your kiss tastes of hate
Draining life away from my fate
Do I taste the same
Am I the one to blame
I want to feel it once more
Saturating me with disdain to the core
Your breathing become much faster now
I want to stop it but I'm not sure how
My hand covers your lips
Its his blood in which he sips
Hush, I am doing you a favor, my love
Your breath feels warm against my glove
You must be made the martyr
There is nothing left for you to barter
You have destroyed too many lives
With one swift flick of your knives
A cold chill overcomes your skin
You are paying for your sin
I'm sorry I has to do this
But you took those whom I miss
You will thank me in the end
Your death is just around the bend
The flowers that I shall place on your grave
Are for those that you wrongfully deprave
I feel no shame in this act
You are evil and that's a fact

~

Journey Down the River of Death

You became withdrawn
Your body was found at dawn
No one knew you were being tormented
Your story will now never be lamented
Your wrists were slit, deep and wide
Too many times he had wounded your pride
Love was so far from your reach
Your heart was so hard to breach
The sky swirls with your tears
Collected over these many years
He repeatedly beat you down
Embedding in your head a thorny crown
All I wanted was to feel your embrace
Now it’s gone, without a trace
This is the river of death in which you now float
In an aged, rickety wooden boat
All trivial worries whisked far away
You are settled in a place with never-ending day
People do care for you up here
No matter how desolate it may appear
The river you ride is driven by lost hopes
But back to this world, there are no ropes
In due time, I too will ride the river
That thought makes me moan and shiver

~

My Crimson Pain

Piercing needles in my flesh
Pinching and poking, ripping away skin
Drawing blood, crimson and rich
The crimson stream drips on the perfectly white satin cloth
It is tainted now
Beauty is masked by the crimson stream
Spreading, engulfing the pristine color
It hardens, making it its own
The stream stops but the pain still lingers
A reminder of my dark thoughts
The white cloth is thrown into a corner
Crumpled up
Never to emerge again
It will not overtake me
I will not be tempted to do it
It feels so good it’s scary
Scared that I love it
Scared that I won’t be able to stop
It will not mold my feelings
I am stronger than it
It will not control me
The pain is lost in a sea of tears
It may be gone for now
It will resurface again
I hope I can fight it
I am stronger than it, I can feel it

~

Unreliable

Another broken promise
Another disappointment
Why can’t you just keep your promises
Just another one down the drain
Stop making promises, you never keep them
I’m sick of counting on you
I’m let down once again
I can’t rely on you for anything except being unreliable

Chorus:
It’s so damn pathetic
The words ‘I promise’ should never be uttered from your mouth ever again
You’re so fucking pathetic
I can’t trust you to follow through
You say tomorrow or another time
Bullshit, just shut the hell up
You don’t mean it

Another tear drips down my face, another lost promise
I can’t ask you for anything
It’s not just me either
You let everyone down so much it’s sickening
Is it so hard to do what you say
The glass filled with every broken promise is overflowing with tears

Chorus

Stop filling me with false hopes
Just leave me alone
I don’t want anything from you anymore

Chorus

So damn pathetic
So unreliable

~

Time Expired

Confined to this box
I see too many locks
Red water rising
All there is left is compromising
At this critical hour
I have lost all my power
Mixed up in a daze
Befuddled by this twisting maze
No time to waste
I must make haste
Fading air and light
Why can’t I ever be right?
My mistakes led me down these trails
The box is shut with iron nails
Taste of water in my throat
I am drowning in this moat
For me it is too late
I have failed to wake
Nothing remaining of this soul
I have paid my toll

~

Wading Through A Dream

Come to me Brother of mine,
Come swim the river surrounded by pine.
Nothing will hurt you when I am around,
But don’t you utter a sound.
Do you hear the moon call?
It wishes for you to fall.
Darkness desires you; you’re clean.
It is not in your nature to be mean.
The water splashes over my face,
You just stand there and pace.
You enjoy watching me in pain.
The leeches, it is my blood they drain.
Oh Brother, save me from this terrible ending.
It’s impossible for you to be so condescending.

~

Soulless Void

Tears of blood flow down my face
Wooden spear through my delicate heart
Torn from my body and cast aside
Writhing on the floor far away from me
Overwhelming sadness overtakes me
Whispering wind of fear taking my breath
Unfamiliar, distant feeling running through my veins
Blackness blurring my vision
Ringing, blocking out all sounds around
A single lone cry penetrates the perfect silence
Earsplitting, tearing up my mind
Breaking it into pieces
A gaunt figure appears in front of me
It picks up my shredded heart
Putting its finger to its mouth for silence
Grasping my heart in its silver hands
Restoring it back to its original shape
Holding out my heart in front of me
An inch away from touching my soul
It closes its fists and destroys my hope
Eternal silence overtakes me as I am consumed by the figure

~

Dear Lecture Junkie-

I don't give a fuck what you think of me
Why should I care
You tell me I'm self absorbed
So fucking what
I like the way I am
What matters is that I don't end up like you
You are a piece of shit
Smothered in failure after failure
I wont be a failure like you
I refuse to do anything but succeed
I have my own dreams
You aren't going to smash them
You try to bring me down but it won't work
You don't realize I'm full of apathy towards you
When it comes to your bullshit
You are a pain in my ass
Lecture after lecture, I'm fucking sick of it
Its like nails on a chalkboard
I just wanna rip your fucking nails off
Maybe then you'll shut the hell up
And leave me alone
Just go away
I'm sorry to say it, but your presence pisses me off
Just go away
I'll only ask nicely once
Then you'll regret all you did to anger me





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