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Message from the owner: Hello members of the cult and staff. It is with great pleasure I introduce the very first monthly newsletter for my cult! It is in this newsletter that I post updates, news and regular goings on in the cult and the internet. We have a range of sections, including a featured member and a section made especially for cult members. If you have any interesting news, made something new (like artwork), found something cool on the internet, your birthday or simply something you want to say to all of us that you feel is important, please tell us about it here. A new issue will be posted on the first day of every month….or close to it. January has been a big month for all of us; with the arrival of the New Year and going back to work/school, it’s been exciting and at the same time exhausting. But sure enough, it’s time to settle down and get back to our normal working lives. I myself am doing the last year of my schooling and I’m predicting a difficult but rewarding year. Anyway, I hope you’ll enjoy this newsletter and post more in the cult! Tom. __________________________________________________________________ Members: Funky ear! “I had an operation on Tuesday” pipes up Demelza, “It was on my ear...I had 14 stitches and I spent the day vomiting…..It looks pretty gruesome...so I feel brave” So you should! It sounds pretty disgusting. We don’t get a picture of the gore though? Oh well. For now we’ll just have to visualize……. Comics! “After many people begging me to continue the Black demo, I decided to do it” says still-in-pieces. “I haven't fully finished the 2nd issue yet, I plan on making it a lot longer than the 1st one, maybe 10 or 12 pages long. Here is page number 1 (in my journal), the rest has been storyboarded out and hopefully will be up soon.” Click Here. LINK to issue 01: Black Demo Issue #01 Fuck me! You can’t help but be impressed…Well done! Keep up the good work! Expect to see this being sold for thousands on eBay in about ten year’s time ______________________________________________________ Monthly WTF?! Post. This month, Basic parenting for idiots:  
 
 Wtf posts are taken from the daily wtf post thread. _____________________________________________________________________ Featured member: Since this is the first issue, we have no featured member! If you want to get featured, sign up here and tell us a little bit about yourself. Oh, and invite some people to the cult. The higher your invite count is, the more chance of you getting featured. _____________________________________________________________________ Contest winner: This contest you had to pick a movie title and change one or two letters to make it sound funny, we had a heap of entries to pick from, but the clear and obvious winner was NarcoticKingpins entry:  Well done! You can view your award in the wall of awards here. _____________________________________________________________________ Recent hypnocat sighting:  This picture was taken at a Chinese new year’s festival. Unsurprisingly, hypnocat makes an appearance. Of course, it’s not like him to miss a party is it? Can you find him? _____________________________________________________________________ What we’d like to see next month: Weird signs All the signs are so boring and unoriginal on this site…what we’d really like to see is some really weird signs, written in strange places….like on your toes, across your chin, on your elbow ect. Send them to us! Goth kids that resemble pandas Enough said really….post Goths that you find that look like pandas! ______________________________________________________________________ Send all stuff for newsletters here. Message me here. Issue #2 SPARTANS! TONIGHT WE FIGHT! FOR GLORY! FOR SPARTA! That’s right. This month we are celebrating reaching 300 members, thus this newsletter is now filled with many references to king leonidas and the glorious Sparta. It has been a great month for the cult, we have gained more than 50 new members, Have a new major thread in the cult, Have a new temporary layout and had lots of good news from peoples lives and the internet. This month we celebrate our welcomed introduction to the original Battle thread thus a new section in this months newsletter. The battle thread has been a highly successful addition to the already best damn cult on VF, making us even harder to top by other cults. Except for like….more members. But anyway, it’s addictive as all hell and all you people that haven’t joined should. This month the trailer to the new Indiana Jones movie has finally been released, and I strongly recommend you all check it out…..partly because Indiana Jones kicks ass. Check it out here. That’s all from me for now, so enjoy the newsletter! Tom. __________________________________________________________________ Recent awards: Best thread badge awarded to still-in-pieces Best Newcomer - darken_rhal 500 posts – Rolling Dices 100 posts awarded to Serpent-of-shadows and RavenousMegalith 100 posts and best newcomer awarded to MissKweev ROFL badge awarded to Impact_Of_Reason and finally Badge of shame awarded to xsimplyxbrittyx Birthday shout outs Happy birthday to A7XGurl696 who turned 18 on the 4th of Feburary, 404existenceERROR who turns 19 on the 27th, and RavenousMegalith who turns 18 on the 22nd! So comment them and give them love n stuff. Oh yeah and George Washington has his birthday on the 22nd too….not as if any of you care……. OM NOM NOM “OM NOM NOM NOM” Announces still-in-pieces, “NOM NOM NOM NOM” Ahem. Just click the fucking link Picture smicture “I drew this recently” says Demelza, “Its the Mad Hatter from "American McGee’s Alice”  Color War statistics: RED: 5 1st place -WINNER- BLUE: 4 2nd place YELLOW: 0 3rd place “It was red towards the beginning,” reports RavenousMegalith, “yellow got a pseudo vote, then blue got a surge at the end, but it wasn't enough to beat red. In the end most people either like red or blue, and yellow just sucks, period.” Zachyc a premium member now? Apparently so after winning a contest in another cult…makes me wonder why I’m still not premium…..you know, being the owner and all….. And no fuck off; this cult doesn’t give away free premium memberships. If I cant afford it than neither should you. Go visit his profile so he can see you and wonder why you didn’t rate him: Zachyc a premium! Hypnocat has been sleeping about again “This morning my cat had some kittens,” zachyc informs us; “at first we thought there was only 2, then mom found one hiding under the blanket, so we thought there were three, and then i heard some meowing coming from the blanket mom put down and there was another fucking kitten there lmfao”  Awwww! The kittens about to get devoured! How cute. ______________________________________________________ “Oh my fucking god Eliza. I just typed... www.lemonparty.org into my url bar. Don't fucking do it.. anyone.. holy shit..” -Felix  Wtf posts are taken from the daily wtf post thread. _____________________________________________________________________ Since only about three people signed up for being featured, and this months featured member was the only one who actually bothered to invite some people to the cult, this months featured member is Coty, A.k.a. Zachyc, Aka Rolling dices.  He likes drumming, Lacrosse and most contact sports, Computers and learning HTML, Drinking with family and friends and getting into brawls with his little brother Nolan. His message to all of you today is: “Hey, I'm gonna kill you, skin you, eat you, and then wear you” ……ok….If you aren’t already too afraid of him, give him picture comments, rate him tens, all that shit here: Click. Apply for featured member here. _____________________________________________________________________ This months contest was to paint a picture in Microsoft paint. I received a hell of a lot of realistic, pretty, abstract and downright fucking stupid entries, but in the end it was Bloodthirsters incredibly wacky creation, titled: “Flying guitar amp spewing up flowers” that absolutely aced the contest. There’s just no competition for that sort of originality I’m afraid.  Congratulations! Check out the awards thread for your big fuck off trophy and contact me if you want one of your fighters abilities changed. Next months contest: Best OM NOM NOM NOM After linking marc to the om nom nom site, he came up with a decent idea for this months contest....that's right, you guessed it, make your own OM NOM NOM NOM NOM picture. Oh and to avoid cheating, you need to provide a link to the original photo before you omnomnomnomed it. Enter it now! _____________________________________________________________________ This month the clipsal 500 came to my town; a yearly race with fast cars, lots of alcohol, Concerts, attractions and of course, Grid girls. Take a close look at this picture I took of the grid girls, you can sort of make out a figure in the bottom right hand corner that looks a little bit like hypnocat peering up one of their skirts. Is it Hypnocat? What could he be doing in my home town? You be the judge:  _____________________________________________________________________ New fighters: Well, since we’re all new there’s not much point in posting any here, however you may see all of the fighters in the battle thread. This month’s overall victor is Felix, followed closely by myself. Here is the overall win/loss ratio from February, as taken from the standings on the 25th:  CURRENT RANKINGS: 1- The left hand ov Felix 2- Ghost 3- Dice 4- Johnny 5- Neokefka 6- Nemisis 7- Mudkip Winrar 8- Armand 9- Zarozinia 10- Apostle _____________________________________________________________________ Can animals be pedophiles? Do lions mate with premature lion cubs? Or do they think it’s wrong too? Next time you have sex or a wank, wear a pedometer to count how many thrusts/wanks it takes for you to orgasm. We could even work out an average wank count for people. Something to do if you’re bored and horny. Send me the results! ______________________________________________________________________ Send all stuff for newsletters here. Message me here. Issue #2 It’s that time of the month again. That’s right, your monthly newsletter! There have been quite a few drastic changes in here this month. Most notably the new and improved Battle thread! Also, I’ve learnt some HTML in this short month and re did the entire layout, so now it doesn’t look cheap and tacky and created with the default cult layout generator (which it WASN’T!) Felix (just-an-effigy) also wrote a lovely little poem about the cult that I thought deserved to be posted on the main page of the cult which I all recommend you check out if you can be arsed. Well that’s enough from me, except before I go, I’d like to say that if the phrase “Happy zombie Jesus day” becomes a part of the everyday vocabulary, I’m going to fucking kill myself. Recent awards: MissKweev, D3th and Iron_Essence – 200 posts RavenousMegalith, bloodthirster, Iron_Essence and D3th – 100 posts Impact_of_reason – ROFL badge The RNOT ALLOWED phenomenon “I just found something weird..” explains a confused Felix, “whenever you post a comment with the word (rxuxnxexsxcxaxpxe) [Remove the x’s] it says "rnot allowed"” Weird….Perhaps Jet holds a grudge against this online MMORPG? A grudge so big we can’t even utter the name on his site? Whatever, it gave us a couple of lulz, try it some time. But not in here, we’ve already had enough of the thousands of people testing it out. The truth about the DDoS attacks on VF Cam reveals all to our to cult, and the shocking truth behind the site failure! “Ok, Ok, I admit it. I did this dastardly deed.., well sorta. I wanted to create an amazing day, so I woke up, went to a farm store, bought a real piggy, brought it home and made bacon, I named the piggy Macon. I called this, Baking Bacon with Macon. So I made the bacon, and then proceeded to feed the bacon to Macon, who loved it. After that, I then created a plan to overthrow the power of VF.com, all the while I was looking at a "Stick it to the Man" poster on my wall. I then pulled out my hammer time fist necklace and put it on. Then I proceeded to overthrow VF.com. As I sat there and told Macon about my evil scheme to make millions of people who have no lives outside of VF become very Irate in less than 30 minutes after finding out their e-drug, that lies to them and tells them that they are not alone, has finally disappeared. Macon oinked at the ideas quite often, but what I didn't know is that each and every oink that he let out was a laugh, his oink also meant in pig oink-language that he was going to ruin my plan and take down VF before I get a chance to. So, later on after I had my usual MMA workout, when I come home Macon is no where to be found, I only saw pig prints heading towards the door where I stood at. Then I noticed a note on the night stand, I walked over and picked it up, here is a picture of it:  If you cannot make out the note, it says.. "Dear Cam, I Did It! ~Macon PS: I took the rest of the bacon!" ..I'm sorry everyone.. this is all my fault.. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER TRUSTED THAT SWINE OF A PIG!! Macon.. the VF Destroying Piggy... Where shall he leave his pig hoof print of destruction next..? Only god knows..” If any of our cult members have any information about the whereabouts of Macon and Cams bacon, they are to inform Jet of this immediately. It is important we put a stop to this pigs dastardly deeds before he shuts down the website forever. Here is a picture of the perpetrator:  I can snorts coke “It's my 19th today and I decided it was time to snort some coke.” Announces 404existenceERROR, “No, not the powder, I'm taking about the stuff you mix with Jim Beam. That's right; I'm stupid enough to snort Jim Beam and Coke through a straw. I'm telling you, once you get over the initial feeling of agony; it's a hell of a buzz. You should seriously try it sometime.” Nah. I’ll be right thanks. All though you can watch him do it here if you’re bored enough. Cam goes GTA “Was going to get gasoline today at QuickTrip Gas Station, I pulled into the parking lot beside it to drive into the fill up place, and this asshole was parked in the middle of the road, I motioned for him to get the fuck out of the way ever so nicely, when he didn't I honked 7 times and revved up my car then drove across the grass, all the while attempting to obtain his utmost attention.” Tells Cam, “Meanwhile, my father was awaiting my arrival in the front, he was going to let me use his gas card. So, I parked to get gas, turned my car off, closed the sunroof, and opened my door. A black man wearing bling walked up to my door, cursing at me wildly asking why the hell I honked at him. He didn't give me a chance to show myself to him before he opened his fucking mouth, once I stepped out of the car and stood up right in front of him, he noticed that I was in fact over 10 or 12 inches taller than him and more buff than he could fathom. My dad was ran up and tried to stop him before anything happened, but I just told my dad to shut up and let me deal with it. I was looking down at 'Coolio' and then I said "Shut the fuck up, and don't speak until I explain why I honked at you. The reason why is because you were parked in the middle of the fucking road, I couldn't get by and a fat curb stopped anyone from going around, so if you can't get that through your fucking skull then you shouldn't be driving." Then he came back with a couple of fucks and yous and nigger pleases, then said that he was in the middle of the road because "he was looking to see if his daughter wasn't getting into trouble", he kept cursing and then My dad then attempted to tell him it's not worth what is about to happen if he doesn't leave, he then made the mistake of pushing my father. Then I said "Alright, that's fucking enough, you will not disrespect me or my father no fucking more you piece of shit." All the while his girlfriend, which was a white hoochie whatever, was yelling at him to just get in the car before he gets hurt. He still didn't stand down and then at about 5'6 146 pounds he throws a weebly sucker punch to my side, I then laughed and said "So you want to punch me is that it? Is that all that you got, here let me show you how to punch harder" I then punched myself in the face 3 times yelling at him and laughing telling him to punch me again harder than I hit myself. He tried again, but this time I took his arm and right in front of my own dad I smashed his head into the side of my grandmothers car, which I am borrowing. I threw him towards his car where his girlfriend was still yelling for him to get the fuck in the car, he stumbled back and tripped over his feet from the force of my throw and lands on his ass right next to his car. I said "Get the hell out of here before you do something else that’s stupid and wind up being a worse father than you already are." He pulled himself up, got into his car and they drove off, I saw them turn around at the corner down the street and come back into that parking lot but the car turned around again and drove off like they were afraid of what will happen if they return, which was the smartest thing that guys probably ever made in his entire life.” I hate asshole drivers too. Babiez “One of my best friends had a baby last Thursday!” we are told by newcomer Iron_Essence, “His name is Aiden and he's absolutely beautiful! This is him on his daddy's chest:”  I think it is appropriate for our members to let out some sort of “awww” at this picture. This month we have a short comic strip which is very relevant to vampirefreaks and the sorts of people who usually end up getting flamed in here:  It was a toss up between that and the 300 “o rly?” Owls, but this one got more of a reaction from people.  This weeks featured member is Martin (AKA. 404existenceERROR.) Mainly because of the fact he’s sent out a stupidly huge amount of invites to this place, as well as ripping of the entire concept of my newsletter to the point that only a single strand of genetic code separates the two. He’s interested in cults (the real kind…not TBDE type of cult), Football (or soccer…or whatever), Sci fi, moshing, getting completely smashed and rocking up to work completely smashed or hung over yet still somehow has the ability to work harder than everyone else. Martins message to you all is: “Remember kids, violence is never the answer. It's the question. The Answer is yes” Chat to martin and rate him a 10 here. Apply for featured member here. This months contest was to design your very own OM NOM NOM NOM image, we had a tonne of entries and eventually the overall winner of the contest was girls_not_grey’s rather disturbing entry of an OM NOM NOMED version of a girl posted in the worst of VF thread:  One day, in a few years, someone’s going to have to explain this picture to their children. Congratulations anyway, I’ve added a nice trophy next to your name in the awards thread…..well not really; I’m just assuming I would have by the time this gets posted. NEW CONTEST: Nooooooo!!!!!! Doesn't this cat look as though it's trying to grab something really desperately? Screaming NOOOOOOOO! as if it's a life and death situation? Well, it be funny if it was an edited picture of the cat on the edge of mount doom or something...but unfortunately it's not, it's just a picture of a cat yawning. This is where you come in. Edit this picture and give dramatic cat his stardom. I'll even upload the winner to LOLcats.com Enter it here! This month’s recent hypnocat sighting explains the lack of Easter eggs people have been getting. We think the cat shaped figure to the right of the picture could explain the whereabouts of hypnocat and the real reason why my Easter eggs have been scarce recently:   Unless you’re new or have been hiding in a hole these past couple of weeks, you should now be aware of the brand new kick ass battle thread (errr cult.) We have gotten new fighters in the brawl, however due to the site downtime, Easter and the maintenance of the new thread, battles haven’t occurred as often as last month. Here are all the current standings as of 21:46 EST, 25th of March 2008. Recent new fighters:  Ra  Rahh  Cibe R. Gawf Battle statistics:  Rankings: Most powerful: 1- Ghost 2- The left hand ov Felix 3- NeoKefka 4- Dice 5- Johnny 6- Rahh 7- Ra Richest: 1- Dice 2- Ghost 3- NeoKefka 4- The left hand ov felix More battling! More regulars in the battle thread, including more posts from new fighters. Remember, if you beat one of our higher ranked fighters, you earn a tonne of credits! Send all stuff for newsletters here. Message me here. |
