so yeah last weekend wasn't the best,
but hey crap happens i surpose
its just annoying when it keeps happening too mee,
anyway todays a new day so lets see what it brings.
People always say don't go on about the past but memories make personality's and shape us who and what we are as people and give life to us for example if I wasn't born in my past I wouldn't be here in my present and future, from a logical un-emotional stands point, in order tl have a present or future with someone from the past they must atone make a mends and fix the past with a better present and future for example if someone stole a £10 for years ago they should know give you £40 if they wish to fix it and carry on together, If someone stole a career away from you and 3years they should pay you back a career plus the costs of how much money is lost due to the loss of the career if it was their fault and any bills you have on-cured living alone paying rent as you would most likely live with the person who you was with.
But that would take sed person what 6years to put right a 3years mistake, it'd take 1-2years paying half their earnings to fix it then 6years spoiling the person they wish to be with cleaning up after them making sure their always happy accepting their always right always being their for them, no matter what and not letting anything inter-fear with that process nothing at all true they still will have to work in their career as advised for a constant income but things like friends family should not inter-fear in someone else affairs and private life as it is their own a unity between two people that does not concern anyone else.
Failing to do this who they are with now they should not dwelle on the past but move on with a future with the new person they are with if they cannot or will not abide by the rules of fair law and nature to the old and thus should also move on with a relationship with the new one because if the old one is not fixed both the sed person and the old one's relationship cannot continue and has met it's end, things in life both have a beginning middle and end that has always been the case.
People often run away from their time paradox's and para-dimes thinking they can escape the past but the past makes you the being you are today to run away from it only causes traumatic pain fucks your mind up and causes bad habbits problems like alcoholism eating to less or eating to much things like this are your mind saying it's not happy and your body trying to cope up with the problems by drinking them away eating them away or eating less to become nothingness.
But problems of the mind then enter my realm one would say since it'd delve into psychology a bi product of psychology is manipulation.
Manipulation is a tool, it is what a hammer is to a monkey or a builder, but rather than building and breaking houses manipulation is used to build and break minds.
One could say or argue either nature vs nurture or will power things such as these do exist and offer somewhat protection from manipulation but are nothing more than a safety blanket a construct of ones mind to hide away or block it out.
I right this journal due to im unemotionally detached from my past and I am over it but it just go's to show you people from your past who say they wanted a relationship with you clearly was lying to not fix the past and make it right.
However I often use my manipulation to cure such things as alcoholism anorexia I generally help people not always I am no saint councilers and psychologists charge money for their service I charge a future with you if you live close and your a semi fit woman if your a guy I charge a job eg talk to your manager at your work place fix me up a 9-5job somewhere if your not going to pay in cash.
Other than that the only people I help is my friends or those I wish for the odd flirt, unless it benefits me or has something to do with me my past experience has taught me to turn a blind eye.
That is what I think and thank you my fellow readers for taking time to read this rather bizarre complex and complicated view of the world and all the little people inside it.
I'm done with women for good. What the fuck is wrong with them?
I talk to her on multiple occasions, we have in-depth, lengthy conversations; I ask her out; she gives me her email address; I email her; she emails back; I email back on Wednesday and I still don't have a reply! What makes it worse is that she said shes busy for the next four weeks and can do only one of the dates I offered to meet up. What makes it even more worse is that at work tonight I see on the rota that she is covering another member of staff on that exact day, working till 9pm. Like are you fucking serious? If you aren't interested or are too shy don't bother arranging anything in the first place. And at least have the guts to email me telling me.
To all women out there: fuck you, you're all the same.
Nothing to do with 'nigga's' handling shit actually. Its more a case of morals, integrity, respect. Things that have dissolved in 21st Century society.
If you actually read what I said, I was referring to the human race in general. Its got nothing to do with "bitch-like tantrums" ... This is all grounded in fact and how people mistreat people.
oh... it must have been the "Fuck women. ... I'm done with women for good. What the fuck is wrong with them? ... To all women out there: fuck you, you're all the same." that threw me off..
I copied this off the encyclopedia it is a table showing that my birthday is inline with 4things
1. my birthday
2. Easter sunday
3. The georgian callander
4. The full moon solar/lunar eclipse
Table of dates of Easter 2001–2021
(In Gregorian dates)
Year Spring
Full Moon Astronomical
Easter Gregorian
Easter Julian
Easter Jewish
Passover
2001 8 April 15 April 15 April 15 April 8 April
2002 28 March 31 March 31 March 5 May 28 March
2003 16 April 20 April 20 April 27 April 17 April
2004 5 April 11 April 11 April 11 April 6 April
2005 25 March 27 March 27 March 1 May 24 April
2006 13 April 16 April 16 April 23 April 13 April
2007 2 April 8 April 8 April 8 April 3 April
2008 21 March 23 March 23 March 27 April 20 April
2009 9 April 12 April 12 April 19 April 9 April
2010 30 March 4 April 4 April 4 April 30 March
2011 18 April 24 April 24 April 24 April 19 April
2012 6 April 8 April 8 April 15 April 7 April
2013 27 March 31 March 31 March 5 May 26 March
2014 15 April 20 April 20 April 20 April 15 April
2015 4 April 5 April 5 April 12 April 4 April
2016 23 March 27 March 27 March 1 May 23 April
2017 11 April 16 April 16 April 16 April 11 April
2018 31 March 1 April 1 April 8 April 31 March
2019 21 March 24 March 21 April 28 April 20 April
2020 8 April 12 April 12 April 19 April 9 April
2021 28 March 4 April 4 April 2 May 28 March
I feel alive from the ground I climb scratching at the cages that once had me bound, kicking and screaming I once was a cage of both body and mind locked into bondage and tied down barking like mad spitting shouting and raving.
I will rip the cage open with my unyielding dominance and hunger for more for freedom and for sanity, freedom is the air I breath in and out and swallow from day to day, freedom is seeing the sun in the sky.
Freedom is being one's self if you cant love yourself you cant possibly love another.
As I quote a long saying of mine that has been both a burden and a blessing freedom is wings, wings to fly the wings of my long lost tribe the half of my name I go by ranix split up into ra nix
nix meaning phoenix I glow once again awaiting my mythological wings to fly once more from the dead like carcass of forgotten buried used up and burned memories singed up and stained into my cerebral brain.
Sometimes your mental jail can be memories that tie you down to a certain plane since memories make who and what you are and shape your personality they lye the path for bits of your future quoting the cause and effect paradox of time of course.
Like a chain reaction one will tie you down the other will set you free so whilst I continue to gnarl and attack the cages that tie me down I see glimmers of the light lightly shines and flair of the once decadent and begotten me shining through, the mist of darkness anger and rage.
I am part of two of what I would call a mixture or shaman and nomadic tribes my religion adopts RA= RAVEN NIX=PHOENIX
Both the good and bad I remain both remain me like a reflection of opposites looking back over an echo distorted and misshaped by time.
well the weathers nice for a change so i think i'll try and enjoy it. get the bike out throw my gear on on go for a blast round snake pass hopefully today will a brilliant day.
Mood: optermistic Music: Bullet For My Valentine - Pretty On The Outside
I've found a website my sharingan doesnt work on, seems like I carnt use my all seeing eye of manipulation this time huh thats a first they have finally made a website that does that.
I dont know wether to be shocked or impressed though it's billy bear basic for names it shall not be named the name remains between a select few seeing if it's a small pussy gold mine or not though its somewhat torturous not knowing without the ability of my sharingan at hand but I guess we will wait and see it'd be something I do out of boredom I suppose.
Got back from Turkey yesterday morning so I hadn't been online for two and a half weeks (this site was banned out there when I tried to access it...)
I really enjoyed it... I definitely miss it, especially the weather and food... kinda sad that I had to come back to England as it's freezing, but hopefully I can return in the summer...
I'll upload some photos from my holiday shortly...
It's a shame not many people talk on here anymore... maybe it's seen as "uncool" to talk to somebody first, or perhaps some people are still intimidated to talk to me, due to my myriad of "dislikes"... but anyway, hope everybody reading this is good and yeah, message me if we haven't talked/we haven't talked in a while
Like a slave born into bondage, a cage befitting built from animosity rage corruption greed hatred all the darkness that imprisons and curses ones self and turns.
Turns their carnal desires wild and makes them ravenous, hungry and wanting like a burning flame ebbing away my lusts and carnal desires burn so sharing the same flame of the negative like greed corruption always wanting more.
By default due to my alter ego I am a master first and a slave second, master by nature slave by choice of laziness.
From the shadows I come to satisfy my own needs purposes and desires my parlour tricks of mental trickery are nothing more than illusionary games befitting as such for my humour and bend to my own whims of whim-sickle fancy.
I feed on lust and others mentality as if their mentality was my own.
To control sed person or destroy usually I help people with my mental skills but that's the good side of me you know I automatically by default want to control them and the world around me. As my dominant predecessors side wishes and wants me to, Considering he's as much apart of me as your heart is to you like a bodily function or a piece of ones self integrated into their very being, I to am as much apart of my ego as he is me.
Though we have fought for control between us the normal me resides and claims the me of everyday life the alter ego me claims both the violent side of me seen in fighting and the bedroom side of me.
Like puppets and puppeteers we are all controlled by our selves and we all want to control everything else a natural form of life evolution and wanting more just that I want it even more so more than your basic average commoner.
Slaves into Bondage chained down by what will beckon us, chained down by reality tasks normality fear hate jealousy greed
I was born into dominance and supremacy, born an orphan adopted and grew knowing im better than any bully and im past all their bullshit however *pause* I like to bully bullys I like to cause those who cause others pain.
In two things I've found im more alive in fighting and in sex both make me change to my alter ego both make me super again in a metaphorical way and manner of speaking.
Forever engulfed and lost in the dark forever alone and forever locked in a cage.
A cage of bondage that one can not touch taste smell or hear a cage for our minds and souls meant to break us and shape us to destroy our mere humanity and wash us away.
To keep you posted my fellow readers I am a man of philosaphy feel free to follow me heck even call me god I will at somepoint delete my old videos do up my cult and host my vids on their errm what else the loriel test worked so that means some other tests might that bits a mental note to myself on what to try next.
I'm going town hall sorting out benefit change due to age and rent change due to it go's up every year maybe look somewhere new to move have to calculate the figures and closely evaluate all options available since my electric bill is nearly a grand, I've got a few ideas to run with like moving somewhere where service charges are actually in with the rent or move back home claiming carers since some of my family is disabled then claim income support to try and munch away at the grand, even the loriel stuff though not loriel that was just a test on how to get stuff to flog im gonna look at every available avenue since I don't want to move back and be a slave usually a normal person works 9-5 monday to friday but 1 you don't know my alcoholic parents and 2 how do you put a price and time slot on the disabled you just cant.
I'm over my ex definitely whoo ohh she's welcome to my ex co worker colleague shop floor manager that looks like he hasnt seen sun light ever despite the fact that he doesn't look like a vampire and im way more cooler and scarier lol I find it and her hilarious a complete waste of the time we had together for it to end the way it did heck yea I was angry for a time and don't get me wrong I'd slaughter him into kibbles in a heart beat ohh how I'd love to cut him up and force feed him his own body parts.
But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger I guess I mean I don't have to put up with my ex getting my name wrong eg misspelt or her whining and bitching constantly or some of her knob head friends and family so that's a relief.
I have a few ideas where to look or who to get babe wise next anyway once I see my debts clearing and have semi descent income im going looking up to now theirs three places I can look a club called liquid envy near where I live atm but to chavy even though the chick isnt and I dont know if she go's their so its umm.
Denmark that's a real must a mechanic chick who might let me control her and win every time I certainly hope so or america,
why well I've always wanted to go I still do because of how much I love america but theirs a virgin their with my name on her pussy hahaha.
So I hope my ideas make me serious dough enough to live free and follow the wind.
Apologies if anybody has attempted to contact me on here over the last couple of weeks
I've had really bad flu... headaches, dizzyness etc... there was one morning where I was shaking uncontrollably for a good 30 minutes +
It's been frustrating as I haven't been able to do anything or go anywhere but I'm feeling much better now... still coughing and stuff but thankfully, the worst is over
Hope everybody is well... feel free to message me and I'll reply
Say YAY for the nooby to my guild my first recruit, you should feel honoured I write about you however I like you, who knows maybe our banterous debates might actually be intellectual I wonder if we can keep up with each other, though your clever as in skilled with graphics design etc.. that can be learned over the internet and through software and courses.
Dont worry im not stealing your thunder that is why I am writing about you so you can revel in the moment whilst it lasts and learn to cherish the finer things in life.
So yea I wonder now two things about you one let's see where this go's see if you posses some form of third eye and two to see what you can do with your graphic design.
Well what a shock and a surprise hmm I guess just paused like me drinking tee is a rare sight so is seeing me pause in aura, im stunned by the shock but not surprised per say with my third eye it isnt 100% surprising but yea the normal me was/is surprised that's why I paused, no doubt my third eye would say shadowess reads this journal to see how I reacted to her comment the normal me would say she wouldn't so im kinda even more confused now haha but not as whats the word ripped off in an angry way I asked for enclosure maybe I didnt get it but talking is a start though it wont lead anywhere really, least now I know thick much she's happy thats good *smirk* my evil side having a pun humerus joke with me now he says least it makes one of us, yep alter ego it does but some day we will get our's, least I dare to think and believe so but who knows ugghh who knows, who's to say.
Well thats one port of call tended to for now, meaning I actually seem to be ok with it I guess im still figuring my self out not to say im gay or anything im as straight as they come haha just that I dunno I guess I have to stop living in a cave of my mind be a dove for once and fly because well relationships are the way we see our fathers and brothers having with women it's how we our raised but im telling you would it be so bad to find someone to be with and not get engaged not be bound by personality's clashing etc..
What else well finally to finish this journal with I've got an interview for a job on monday I could say hope I get it but ha I doubt it we'll see though I guess and I carnt wait to properly start my cult up properly however i dunno it might end up sucking doing it on my tod if it ends up that way seriously.
Well I have tried to apologise to my ex fionca now today just before this journal only to find out I'm blocked on everything so hmm here go's my apology on here though I know it most likely wont change anything I guess I owe it to myself to get it off my chest for a piece of enclosure and you the readers to stay true and blue though this apology may never reach her it's always worth a try, I always valued her opinions and thought she deserved better.
I'm sorry for all the things i've said and done im sorry for the past, im sorry for a lot of things, if you want to talk add me on gonegothic &/or darkstarlings, though things might not be how they once was, I miss your smile and your noddy laugh haha.
I hope kingy boy is treating you good and I wish you all the best for the future and yes you have my permission to get engaged to him though you never needed my permission and just know this I loved you I guess apart of me still does and I am truly sorry maybe we can be friends who knows, I leave that one up to you and well im glad at least you've found someone in many ways I guess kinge can treat you better than I ever did, with him being a manager I guess money isnt an issue anyway I have said my piece and I wish you all the best even though I don't know if this will get through, if you've blocked me on here or not but I will assume for now you haven't.
I'm sorry if I made you feel worthless though not only was I jobless due to being kicked out from your sisters but also, I had your family and friends giving me shit and you broke up with me, yet I was their for you when I bought you some chocolates and came to your house and I swear I am deeply sorry about missing your nans funeral believe me or not on the I didnt know but I really didnt, I wouldnt lie about that and even if I would not only deep down do you know me better than that but you could have looked me straight in the eyes and ask, me not being a good lier would have meant if I was lying you of all people would have known this.
Yes I still have the engagement ring and their was only one thing I ever lied about with you and that was when we broke up about 5-7months after when you asked me to be friends and I said no I lied about wanting to be your friend it was a double lie I would have been your friend if not for what went on on how bad we broke up and your people giving me shit.
Anyway I saw your journal title thats all it'd let me see on the 25th of january saying need advice if its based on this here is my advice.
Logically you might as well get engaged to kingy boy though I hate him and what you've done to me I am past that, I dont say this out of hate but well I say it out of three things one finance if you have listened and anya gave me the job that would have taken care of that but she didnt so well I carnt afford things like marrage honeymoon kids, I carnt give you what you want anymore so I am no good to you as a fionca or a boyfriend.
2. where not getting any younger and as I said the moment we broke up help me fix it but you wouldnt even face me and look me in the eye what age is it a woman normally stops having kids 28, so that means what your 23 soon been with kingy boy what 3yr im suprised your not engaged you was engaged to me after a year. So well what it'd mean either get engaged to him or either re starting with me or someone else which will eat up even more time like 3+ more years.
3. You say he makes you happy and with the way some of your family and friends are we could never get engaged again anyway whats the point since I dont belong in their family nore do I want to to be stabbed in the back and well to think what if I was still working at maplin hmm my wage just for that first year was 10k before tax so add up all the years plus promotions and im sure I could have afforded a honeymoon maybe even a lucky sight seeing at paris for you well anyway I hope you decide whats best for you and make the right choice lol I guess I couldnt escape the memories of you as easy as I thought and im sorry that I removed pictures of us from my profiles lyndsey had a hand in that telling me to take them off I figured since she was supposidly one of your best friends that I should do as she said to not hurt you and rub it in and your step brother adam fisher said the only reason you considered to re date me was because you felt sorry for me and like I said you know me well enough to know if im lying so if you do unblock me on gg and ds im curious on how much you want to wager on my lying I hope you wager my electricity bill money since I have lived alone just over a year now.
Finally two more things one you broke up with me remember I didnt break up with you, I admit I could have done more we both could have and we where both going through tough times, you should have tried fixing it properly and came up to mine bringing me chocolates making me feel wanted and loved.
Two. I wish you all the best and fair well la ange exite for those of you who read this my ex fionca is shadowess im under no illusion of getting her back I want her back as a friend but we could never be boyfriend and girlfriend destiny prohibits this the signs are their what be a boyfriend and girlfriend again basically starting from scratch but with distrust and anger in our hearts plus the fact that why go through it all again only to know that I dont belong in her family meaning engagement is pointless since it leads to marriage a marriage I dont belong to or feel at home at so I employ you Shadowess of vf friends or not your best option now is kinge.
So good bye my love I have always loved you from the moment we met and had our first kiss in blackburn on november to the day we broke up even now I love you though I dont know why for reasons beyond me and well thats all it is now all it will ever be as I regretfully close the book on this chapter once and for all.
hopefully today will a brilliant day.
