to others I like to put up this image of a strong and strong-willed guy, I like people to think of me as level-headed and rational. someone who you could trust and come to for emotional support youknow? don't get me wrong, I do like helping others, in fact I wish I could help everybody! but, unfortunately for me, i'm not as strong as I appear to be, i'm emotionally damaged even though I haven't had too bad a life in comparison to others. I am easily hurt by the smallest gestures of indifference or unkindness, even though I might not show it. I honestly feel weak and powerless but I do try to fight it as best I can. I wish that someday I will be as strong a person as I have portrayed myself to be.
What a week! Last week was such a rollercoaster ride. I really haven’t had a chance to catch my breath til now. At work it was mostly deep shit, of the highest degree – but on wednesday, as we warmed up for Antimatter and Vic Anselmo in Semifinal, Helsinki, I witnessed something utterly breath-taking, that really got my spirits up! Vic Anselmo played with my Nord Electro for her own solo-show plus the Antimatter show, and I must say that I really haven’t seen or heard anyone play the instrument so beautifully. It was magic.
We started the evening quite early with our 30-minute acoustic show, and it went quite well, considering the amount of rehearsing. Some songs worked outstandingly well as acoustic numbers, but a few songs still need some re-arranging. Well, they didn’t sound too bad, but we all noticed that without the rhythmic base from the drums, the songs seemed to just wander about, without ever reaching the dynamic climax. And It Remains, on the other hand, with its’ new acoustic arrangement worked really well. I decided to play slightly distorted bluesy organ in the chorus, and it instantly took the song into the Pink Floyd-department. And it was great! The closing, new song in our set was the new rough arrangement of a song called Days To Come, and it also worked quite magically well as an acoustic piece.
Then, after a short breather, Vic Anselmo took the stage and played her solo material, just singing and playing piano. And let me tell you: it was pretty fucking epic show! She played and sang with such a talent, I think my jaw dropped open. It was simply amazing. After the gig I had to buy her cd – signed by her, of course!
Finally Antimatter got on the stage: Mick Moss on acoustic guitar and Vic Anselmo on piano and backing vocals. The show started with a cover of a legendary Richie Havens number, an old negro spiritual Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child, in honour of this great musician who just passed away the day before, on April 23rd 2013. As Mick was playing this song in the soundcheck, I knew I had heard it before, but I just couldn’t figure out whose song it was. Not until he announced it later that night. Richie Havens, of course! I think Havens didn’t actually write the song, but he made it famous with his Woodstock performance in 1969. Originally Richie Havens was supposed to be the 5th artist on this legendary festival, but due to the fact that all the four other bands and artists were running late, Richie was to open the whole festival. He played for 2 hours and 45 minutes (!) - the audience demanded an encore after another, and when he came back to the stage, having played every song he knew, he played his own interpretation of this old spiritual song. When I first saw the Woodstock documentary with some live footage of each artist, this song really made a huge impact on me. Havens’ performance was so emotional, so spiritual. What a way to open the festival! And what a song to open a gig with! Antimatter really served justice to the song. It gave me the chills. Like the whole show.
I have to be honest and confess, that I’m not very familiar with Antimatter’s material. Of course, I have checked out some of the songs, but I didn’t really recognize any when they played - maybe the setlist was mostly newer songs that I hadn't heard, dunno. I really recognized only one other song, another cover. This time it was The Power of Love by Frankie Goes To Hollywood – one of my favorites from this notorious 80’s synth-pop band. I had the double vinyl back in the day, and I remember that this song was the opening song of one the sides. I used to listen to it, time and time again…you know, in the age of vinyls you had to pick up the needle and place it back on the first groove. It was almost as a ritual of a kind. I think I will have to get that album back in cd-format. I haven’t really listened to it in years. Nevertheless, the Antimatter originals all sounded awesome. I think I oughta get the whole back-catalogue! Mick Moss has such a deep and evocative voice!
When Antimatter comes to Finland the next time, I will be there! If not warming up for, then at least in the audience.
Those of you stalking our Tumblr updates on a regular basis, already know this. I've got some good news and some bad news. Being such a party pooper, I'll let you in on the bad news first. The thing is, after a 4-year rollercoaster ride together, our dear friend and a magnificent drummer Lauri decided to quit the band. For a number of reasons, one being the fact that for the past 12 months or so the band has obviously lacked a bit of direction and drive. During this time we have only managed to complete one new song for our live-sets. One song in 12 months ain't much - despite the obvious fact that the song came out pretty fucking good. Of course, there were other reasons, too, but I think this was one of the biggest and nastiest things that bugged him for all this time. Yeah, lazy li'l cunts we are. So, basically we don't have a drummer for now. Not that it matters so much, as we already decided to focus on an acoustic EP next. We might need a little bit of percussions here and a teeny bit of single shots of various drums and rhythmic stuff there, but I'm sure Lauri will lend a hand when needed. After the release of the EP, we're a bit fucked, to be honest. Lauri was/is such an intuivite sort of a musician, it will be really hard to find a replacement of equal caliber. Plus, if we don't get our shit together by then, anyone with enough skills and ambition will not tolerate our lazy ass approach for long. We need to straighten up. Sad little cuts, we. The project with the EP will keep us occupied for the rest of this year, for sure - and if the usual perfectionist inside our tortured souls rears up its' ugly head at some point, the project will probably blow up in our faces and take longer. But, the sunny side of it will be, to us and to our fans, that instead of just warming up some leftovers from our previous EP's, we will record a bunch of new acoustic songs on this EP. Yeah, we have a few in the making, and they're all good. And as I'm going to be in charge of some of the sessions, I'm going to be the sick slave-driving fascist to whip out the best performances out of my bandmates - pretty much like the last time around. Not much editing, real organic musicianship. The old school way. There's gonna be all kinds of acoustic instruments, like cello and violin(s), saxophone(s) - and a bit of electric piano, the vintage stuff, and even some blues organ. So, semi-acoustic, actually. And as luck would have it...
...the good news is, that we are very honoured to inform you, that Carved in Ashes will be warming up for Antimatter (UK) next week in Helsinki! It will be an acoustic gig, just like the previous gig in Boothill - only this time, I will be playing the keyboards. (Last gig it was Lauri who replaced me, as I couldn't make it).
And after the gig, we start tracking the acoustic songs. And I can't remember if I told you already, but we'll start making a low-budget music video for Midnight Solitude in June. The screenplay is in the writing - the rough synopsis has already been written. And because we can't really afford to have explosions and strippers, let alone any state-of-the-art, hallucinatory digital effects, we decided to put emphasis on a good storyline instead. We've no idea how long this project will take, but...we'll keep y'all posted!
Last night at 8:30 Pm. I was at home relaxing, working on some homework. Everything seemed peaceful & normal. I then heard a loud crash & thump sound outside. I knew deep dpwn, something was wrong.
Suddenly the screams grew loud & I dropped everything I was doing to see what happened. What I saw I'll never erase from my memory. I saw a car with the windshield busted, covered in blood, a woman screaming & crying on her cell phone, begging for help, and a man lying on the ground, dying. I can't go in to detail but I'm sure you can picture what it looked like.
All I could do is try to help the victim and pray for him as he laid there. I wanted to do so much but knew he wasn't going to make it.
Most of those who have glanced at my profile will notice I want to work for Louisville CSI and to me, I felt like I was put to the test. Surprisingly, I kept calm as best as I could and tried to help keep the driver calm until police arrived. I know in life everyone has to die, and I know not all deaths are peaceful but the man laying before me last night suffered; all because the driver wasn't paying attention to what was going on around her. From what information I gathered from the crime scene, I believe it was an accident. But who knows. I just know I'll never forget the horrific shit I saw last night & I pray, more people who do drive will be a little more cautious of their surroundings.
After all, you never know when your last seconds of life are and death is very sneaky. Please people, BE SAFE!!!! This has really changed my life! :'(
I just got an inbox message from one emo-teen. The message was short: "Stop spamming me." Well, I think she musta got butthurt due to my recent broadcast messages. I can't remember commenting her profile or anything, so it musta been those broadcast messages. On the other hand, my memory is not very good, so I mighta commented something, weeks ago, and then just forgot all about it.
The most hilarious thing was, as I tried to reply to her message. She had blocked me!
Don't worry about it; "Rudeness is the weakling's imitation of strength". She's just a silly little twat, and you have lots of us fans out here who adore you and enjoy your updates. xxoo Have a good one, and ignore the "baby bat". ~,.,^
I find it really funny how people wont talk to you if they think you're un attractive. I know this because I've recently done an experiment on a game that I've played. I played a game and I got on to teamspeak, (a voice chat thing for gamers) and there were people who were on the server, a bunch of guys and one girl. this one girl barely talked to me the whole entire time I was there right? well I decide to see what exactly would happen if I were to show everybody (including her) what I looked like. sure enough, after I showed them what I looked like, the girl immediately started talking to me and she said, "I seriously thought you were fat because of your voice", she didn't mean to offend me of course but she did. so I decide to take it further, she began flirting with me and eventually she told me she wanted a relationship (after like 3 days of talking to me) mind you, this girl was 25 years old, so that is kind of pathetic. She didn't care if it was online. I told her that I couldn't and let her down as easy as possible. I come online the next day and instead of her usual "SHIRO, OMG YOU'RE HERE! <3<3<3" she says nothing. This confirmed what I thought, she was only talking to me because she wanted something from me because I was hot. HOW FUCKING STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM, THAT I'M JUST GOING TO LET YOU USE ME TO GET YOUR FUCKING SATISFACTION?? to be honest being "attractive" is not as great as one may think, this is what you have to go through when you're considered "attractive". I've had enough of this BS
I am a listener, so if they start up with one lie/line, I generally question them on it later when something contradicts it, and after a little while of me doing this, They get pissy and start shit, and I tend to pretty much call them on their shit in front of everyone.... So yeah...
I honestly believe that most of you will think that I am full of BS when you read this, but here it is.
Recently I have dumped my girlfriend, why? to be honest, I don't really know, part of it was that we weren't in an equal relationship, and that made me unhappy, it seems like I gave a lot more than I took. It also seemed like she was always the one in control and I don't like it, but there was something that I don't understand that caused me to finally break up with her. yet i don't know what it is exactly that gave me the push to do so. one day i just woke up and decided that today was the day that i couldn't stand to be in a relationship any longer, and so i followed my gut and i broke up with her. I'm happy that i did because now i am free from a relationship that i wasn't truly happy in, but i also feel horrible for breaking her heart. I do realize that i am never going back to her, especially because of these two things--> A: when i said i was done with the relationship, that i was no longer happy, she took that to mean that we were taking a break, without asking me what i meant. though i made myself clear. B: she refused to change her relationship status on facebook even after i asked her to change it, clinging on to things that are gone and in the past is useless and a sign of a weak individual, and i despise that quality in a person.
the fact that she acted like she knew exactly what to do and what needed to be done really sickened and disgusted me, but i never told her this in person because i'd break her heart even more. im not going back. last thing i need is someone who is more concerned for themselves than for their partner.
"last thing i need is someone who is more concerned for themselves than for their partner." No offense but didn't you also say you broke her heart? That said, okay you may not have been right for each other. But here's the thing, she's not you. No one else is you. You're going to have to settle for someone who does things that annoy you. Simple as that and not because I don't think you can do better but the fact that every person in the entire world is, at the dead-ass least, going to do one thing that annoys the hell out of you. Also, she thinks it might still work out, you're the one who sees the relationship as a dead-rotting corpse, whatever you might have said she might think you said in the heat of the moment and didn't really mean, so she still has hope. If you think hope is the sign of a weak individual then you need help. On another, somewhat related note, I have a cousin who saved a box of cat food for a long time because it was the box she was feeding her cat with when it died. That seems insane to me first because it's a cat, second because the cat is dead. And unlike you the cat can't change its mind. You don't want to be with her, fine, but you should go on being so resentful and , uh, disgusted. Holy crap I wrote a lot more than I originally intended to.
If I held anyone to the same standards I hold myself to I'd probably be in prison. As far as I'm concerned everybody else is who they are, there's little point in judging personality quirks. If she wants to hang onto the possibility that you'll come back, what do you care, you're done with her anyway. Keep away from her, don't try to correct anything she does and she'll get it on her own. She doesn't need to be educated, reformed or controlled.