Passing time in the dark solitude of my loneliness, one cigarette at a time, one bottle of nodding elixir whose face looks like mine, one more handful of pills, to hasten my decline.
Stillness in a room of shadows with crumpled paper covering the floor, the madness sets in as it has time and time before, and once again I listen for someone to save me, a voice, a knock from behind my door, but silence, always silence, as my demons form a line, pushing me ever forward, to hasten my decline.
There is no mitigation, no amelioration, in this my life's cruel station, the years have only grown worse with my spirits timekeeper stagnant in his cruel design, for he well knows this curse so perversely divine, hence each day I drink and smoke, and abuse to kill the pain, for each diurnal course that passes, hastens my decline.
On this very May Day, 14 years ago, three guys who met just slightly more than twelve months before in the dark recesses of Rome’s dirties goth clubs decided to forego the celebrations of the day (May 1st is a national holiday in Italy, and a huge concert is organised in one of Rome’s biggest squares, Piazza San Giovanni) and instead hid in one of their homes, playing with samples, synths and drum machines - yes, 2001 was still the year of hardware electronics.
In the Crowley-Harris Thoth deck, the fourteenth Trump is called “Art”, and the Master Therion writes about it: “Transmute all wholly into the image of thy will, bringing each to its true token of perfection. “…Combination of forces, realization, action based on accurate calculation; the way of escape, success after elaborate manoeuvres…”
Fourteen years later, this seems to me the best way to depict my own personal experience with XP8.
I won’t bother you all again with the reasons why we are stopping now: not only I already voiced my thoughts many times in the past year, and you can still read them here or here, but I also keep reading comments like “oh, I’ve heard more from this band now that they quit than ever before”, or “man, that was the longest goodbye ever”.
It was meant to be like this: if I learned something over this years is that unless you are in the business of making pre-canned pop music (which is absolutely a good business, mind you!), you need to create more than “just” music. You need to create a narrative, a myth that people can relate with in every possible way, you need to become an icon for them to both love AND hate.
Only by doing so you can leave a mark.
I think we did leave that mark, among very few others.
No matter what you think of our music or of us personally, you have one opinion about us: and that means we exist in your noosphere, and that is more than 99% of other bands out there. That is our revenge.
Fourteen years ago, XP8 started as a (rather crappy at first) amateurish musical project, and it evolved into a complex hypersigil that will keep on reverberating its message for years to come.
from MARKO RESURRECCION: farewell and goodbye (at least for now)
May 01, 2015, 06:06:pm
Thank you as well for including the fans in this. We're learning from you as well. XP8 is dead was a sad tune man. However I definitely understand the reasoning behind it. I will be following your crew to see what they do next. Thank you.
R.I.P it's been a pleasure meeting and chatting with you guys. You guys always kick ass and thank you for the great music and support to the fans as long as you possibly could. You will be missed greatly.
Sometimes, when she is alone,
In the dark cloudy night,
Only the lightening shows her the life,
A numb silence surrounds her with strife.
She may feel the words from the dark air,
She would never think of the happening,
But you know what, the silence speaks,
The silence tells us our future,
The time we can't imagine, the uncertainty,
The silence knows all of those,
There is no explanation of that,
She may call it a prejudice or blind belief,
However you define it, it is the fact,
Silence speaks us, warns us, shows us.
It is a kind of opaque mirror,
Behind its, all the future are hidden,
But we only can see the light through it,
We just need to believe inside ourselves,
Then only then we can hear, we can feel,
The dark silence speaks to us all...
Sad, as it maybe,she had to break her own heart, Too many nights, she sat there all torn apart..
A dream girl a lonely soul,
Sitting under its own corrupted auspices sky
You are loneliness in disguise.
Telling white lies about,
your love that never dies
Saying I'm a dream from the sky....
A match of sorrow that only cries
your muse,your everything
I'm no one just a dream,
I admit this once more as you scream,
Your advice,I forever adorn.
It's time I follow the crying crows,
and praise what is left.
Afraid to listen my rhymes
of sorrow were hurting now,
I release it all,your smiles,
your words,and worn out sadness
I walked away silently and lonely.
Whose name she whispers in the darkness of loneliness.
The only thing that remains are the echoes of pouring rain
that weep of pain and a broken heart again...
Everyone who pre-ordered it either on Bandcamp or iTunes should have received their copies directly, and everyone else can purchase it right now, or stream it on Spotify.
In alchemy, albedo is one of the four major stages of the magnum opus; along with Nigredo, Citrinitas and Rubedo. It is a Latinicized term meaning whiteness. Following the chaos or massa confusa of the Nigredo stage, the alchemist undertakes a purification in albedo, which is literally referred to as ablutio – the washing away of impurities. In this process, the subject is divided into two opposing principles to be later coagulated to form a unity of opposites or coincidentia oppositorum during Rubedo.
Titus Burckhardt interprets the albedo as the end of the lesser work, corresponding to a spiritualization of the body. The goal of this portion of the process is to regain the original purity and receptivity of the soul. Psychologist Carl Jung equated the albedo with unconscious contrasexual soul images; the anima in men and animus in women. It is a phase where insight into shadow projections are realized, and inflated ego and unneeded conceptualizations are removed from the psyche.
I am standing here in the shadows
of my pain and sorrow.
I hibernate now my feathers torn and plucked,
fallen my mind ripped to shreds.
Bitterness and loneliness
sets in and my sorrows are deep.
I lost my soul and scattered
thoughts of love today descended
into a rocky abyss fills.
My caged soul is lost to the darkness.
My love feels wounded like
the fragile bird that refrains
from breathing.Daggers pierced my soul.
There is no one now in my life
but the sins of vultures around my sad cage of sorrow.
It’s the sadness cage not even ten by ten.
A lonely soul swings back and forth
on a bare lonely floor from end to end,
from side to side,wild ones and two leaps of pain.
It’s the suffering inside of me
that makes darkness as you see,Its bars
plastered over blackness iron studs of loneliness,
as vultures look at me every night with sadness..
Some types of pain could never truly be forgiven
Because the hurt can never be forgotten
Lurking underneath the still calm surface.
Cold darkness suffocates
A constant and deceptive reminder
Perpetually intertwined ingrained in ones being
An ache that not only supplies a haunting memory
But provides the basis of your existence
And drastically alters the course of your life forever
Ideologies and emotions compiled
Molded by the lingering acts
Cleverly disguised in every word spoken
Souring with bitterness each laugh
It stares indifferently without remorse
From an aging reflection
Scars formed by unrestrained emotion
and echos of a lost sad soul
In a diary made of flesh so cold.
Each with its own date and memory
An internal event horizon
In which no experience escapes its grasp
To be asked to relinquish it
Is to request you surrender a piece of yourself
The impossibility of partial suffering
No mistaken affection prevents the misery
simply self preservation to one own sad soul
And an ignorance of life without the pain and sorrow..
Mood: calm in my darkened mind... Music: Saturn Form Essence
I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness
and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I scream for help but no one is there to hear me
I begin to see the water at eye level
and I kick and flail, but my sorrow has tied my hands
fighting to stay above the darkness until tomorrow
But loneliness and darkness won't let go of its hold on me
and I slowly begin to give in, because then I'm free
to the feeling that lies below the water line for me
the water starts to fill my lungs, that once held so much life you see
yet now they allow the murky waters to replace the life in me
I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness, only sadness
But why doesn't someone grab my hand and
pull me away from the darkness and onto land..
Because no one knows I stand at the boundaries
yes the boundary between light and dark
so I give in to the thing that holds me
All of the strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my broken heart
can't save me from the waters dark
So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness
undetected by the occupants of that world
I don't want to be lonely anymore
I've been pushed down so many times
I feel this time will be the last
as I lay here fading from my suffering past
my thoughts are invaded by memories as they cast
I feel the pressures of shame and rejection building
I lay here on the shore, I have no strength to get up
I'm just not worth it anymore...