And it's been two nights and he hasn't called me /: although I did go with him to his first day at work .. I expected to get a call to hear about it all. But nope. He didn't even call me the night before either. I feel so lame just sitting in the dark at night looking at my phone, in hopes I'll see his number pop up. Yet I can't help it. He's such a smooth talker when it comes to talking to me. Or maybe it's just because I'm in love with him all over again.
Maybe things are moving too fast ? Yes I've known him for over 4 maybe 5 years now. My birthday I spent with him he just up and got me a promise ring... After only seeing one another for three days after a few years of not seeing him. He talked about how he wasn't happy with anyone else. How he missed me and how the cemetery was so strong. And I have always lived him. Yet my family will forgive him or treat him like another human being. So it comes down to : stay here in the long run, and do what we do now and keep our relationship and love for one another a secrete and if we plan to be together for good then kicking the family out of my life. Or not be together and let him know that I won't be able to live and raise a family together like we planned so many years ago.
Thoughts are going crazy in this mind of mine. I don't want to lose people I love in my life but it looks like either way I can't be happy with everything out there and be accepted. There is so much more to what's going on here. But I can't say all of it.
My fifth song is in progess atmI cant wait til its finished Im very proud of what i have advcive over the past few months Had ups and downs but im getting better every day and stronger :')
Today I got done with my doc appointment and recalled my ex saying he had his first day on the job today. So I just hopped on the bus and waited for him to show up on the bus he needed catch to get there.
I could help but giggle... So he recognized that right away -.- lol.
He laughed and asked if I was stalking him ... I couldn't lie. Because it was the true , I was. He didn't invite me or plan to see me there. It made me happy... Because since he's been in town I had been waiting to run into him.
Every day after school got out, I would just sit at the coffee shop down town and wait to see if I saw him. Watching out the window all excited, or going to a few places and waiting around the corner to see if he would show up.
Finally I I ran into him while leaving a place to get on the bus. Then BAM! There he is getting off the bus lol. So yeah now I stalk him more since it'll end once I get this job. /: but every time I pass his work on my way home... I smile and laugh to myself how silly I can be. Stalking him is fun...
Mood: Stalker mode.... Lol Music: The sounds of nature and shit lol
Seems like some people want to clip my wings before I even try to spread them. I don't think they've realized that my wings aren't feathery, and that I have a lot more armor than they do. I do what I choose, despite the fact that their judgements always try and to fall upon me. All this is going to do, is make me more of a smart ass, and a lot stronger than they think.
hehehe It is just going to get worse if they keep it up. lol I don't get why people think I should be so submissive as to allow them to control me. They haven't quite caught that I'm not like that.
So yeah just got back from the doc. office. And well I'm not worried about my ankle anymore... I'm worried about how much weight I've gained :-(
I'm so pissed ... I've gained 17 more pounds since school was done with. Wish I had a workout buddy ... Would make working out a lot more fun to actually do. Because let's face it, I'm very unmotivated to do that shit.
Guess I'll have to force myself to do it if I can't find one /: see how long that lasts..... Lol
-sighs-
Can't believe I've let myself go this much /: it's fucking lame.
Okay okay I'll shut up and actually do something about once I get home.
Any ideas on fun and productive workout DVDs you could suggest ?
I'm trying not to but I think it's becoming a problem. I mean I can't be like this while trying to work as a welder. I heard most places around here have these physical tests and stuff. From what I hear if I have to do that at the place I'm applying at tomorrow , then I won't pass. I don't wanna get turned down or have so many problems with working all because I'm this unhealthy. /:
Well the best thing to do is just to go forth and find out what you need to know. And if comes to where you have to do this test,well then you have reason to be like woah and be a lil worried. But as of now your gonna be happy and no thinky about it. Otherwise today will be a bad day when it could have been good. If only I were closer i could keep you motivated!! do you have a celly yet??At least that way when your not online or I'm not you can get a hold of me...
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but it looks like either way I can't be happy with everything out there and be accepted. There is so much more to what's going on here. But I can't say all of it. 
dont worry too much
do you have a celly yet??At least that way when your not online or I'm not you can get a hold of me...
