So I always think about food and tasty stuff and everyone always thinks I'm pregnant because I eat so much but I just love food it's like it carries this magical spell and hypnotizes you with its
goodness so what kind of food do you like and I'm hungry right now .-.
Well there was alot of people that I cared about and stuff but I gues it was just a joke I had a boyfriend that's now 18 loved him to death we were in a online relationship but he wasn't a catfish we talked to eachother face to face on cam well I cut alot he was scared that I was gonna end up being dead but his friends were strange they always brung drama to him and our relationship and that stressed me out and I tried to make it stop but I was being Ignored and I feel like his best friend sabotaged the entire relationship on purpose and I remember cussing her out and she threatened her boyfriend that she was gonna cut and I said that I didn't care and that I hope she bleeds and dies in a pool of blood but then my ex started to hate me but I think he really did love me ... but just listen to lies and believe them and not me he lied to me about so many things but I didn't care that he was poor and we still talk I guess but not that much all of his friends hated me but his whole family thought I was cool and before him I had a best friend he was new at school but I really liked him and people started rumors and he believed them and left they called him names behind his back and it hurt me alot I tried getting him to talk to me but it only made things worse....and we didn't really talk anymore and after all of that I had a girlfriend she was my first and we were friends and she broke up with her boyfriend to be with me we held hands and kissed I was faithful but then week later she cheated on me so I had to leave her and she cried and it still bothers me .-.
you will look back at all of this and all of what happened one day and think "wtf was I doing :/" There is so so so so much more to life.. you should just go out there and do something fun, enjoy your youth. Before you know it you will be mid twenties wishing you had done things differently. TRUST.
Naw my life is already ruined I don't have a father I don't have any friends I have scars everywhere and that scares alot of people I just sometimes feel like nothingsreal I ddon't believe in reality I just believe in dreams that will never happen I watched my mom die twice...she always goes to work never really pay attention to me I always get bullied so I have no one...I've become antisocial but I'm glad that I am because theres alot of crazy people in this cruel world
you remind me of myself at that age. I can tell you it does get better, you seem to grow up and realise that the world and life is what you make it, anything is possible with a little effort put in. Honestly all the negativity is bad for you, try being more positive about things. I'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason you should be having fun, finding a hobby.. at 14 I was bumming about tattoo studios getting to know the artists and the way things worked, I used to draw in all my spare time. you just have to find something you 'love'.. now I'm a fully licensed tattoo artist, and that helped me get over Alot of silly issues and negative thoughts I used to have. x
Alright I'm guessing I can use my journal to vent. Not like anyone will care about what I type. Right? Well I need to get yesterday off my chest. It started off as a good day but ended with me wanting to pull the trigger or even OD. Not a good day in my book. Let me start from the beginning.
I woke up in my girls arms. Her kissing and holding me. I didn't think about her going later. I thought how did I get so lucky to have her in my arms. We played some cards. Got intimate. (don't need those details.) Then the tears came. I can't help it. I hate being away from her. Well while she was packing someone texted me. Shit got confusing. I should have listened and never answered. It would have been best to be honest. I trust my girl. She's the only person that I do trust. Well after that bull shit, my gf stop talking to me. I was like what did I do.... I should have left it alone but the girl blew up my phone. Well after that, my uncles mother,(I live with my uncles but their mom pays the rent. Known them since I was 6 months old, started texting me. She was pissed. Said I brought home a gang member and everyone was afraid. A: that's is the worst lie I've ever heard in my fucking life. Bitch you just don't like her. B: She wants be out or to get my shit done quickly. I'm trying. I can only work so hard if the person I need works with me. So I needed my girl and she knew it. Yet again she stopped texting me. I do not reply to Ks or OKs. Thats how I know you're either upset or just done talking. Well my night just progressively got worse. I was left within my own thoughts. My best friend Raven trying her best to keep my smiling. It was fake. I don't need her worrying about me. Why would I? Well I started to drink a bit. I'm 22. I'm allowed. Well around 11 or so, a guy called me crying. I'm not sure why I answered. It was an unknown number. Well he was suicidal. We both ended up crying on the phone. 4 hours of us crying and telling each other it's okay. He finally passed out. I hung up and got a text this morning saying, Thank you for last night, Super Woman. I didn't do much. o.o Now he's saying if I need a shoulder he has my back.
That's a lot to deal with. Add to it that my Job Corps counselor never answers her phone. The suicidal part? I know I didn't tell you about that. Why would I? Curious? I'll tell you this much. I'm tiring of hurting and being strong. Its more like I wake up and get hit in the face with all this pain and bull shit. You'd be sick of it as well. I've always been in a dark place since I lost my uncle at 12 then my best friends at 14 then again at 17. Can't get a break. Lost someone last year as well. Thanks life. Love you too.I just want to be okay. I want to be strong for those who need it. Yet I can't even do it for myself. Kind of sad to be honest. So I've vented. Do I feel better? Fuck no. I feel the need to curl up and cry. Will I? Nope. I have people who need me and need my strength. At the end of the day, I'll always be your Super Woman but never my own. I shall end my Venting/Rant now. You don't have to care. I won't ask you to.
Life is one big pain. Every time you turn around something new will happen. It's constantly throwing obstacles at us. For what? I'll never know. But what I do believe is that overcoming these obstacles will only make us stronger for the next. Lose hope and they will only make you weak. Keep someone in your thoughts and the strength will come on it's own.
Well it is the first day of Summer and I am dreaming of colored leaves, pumpkins and cool breezes. I am not a fan of heat, sweat, sunburns and mosquitoes. Summer weather is miserable to me. So here's hoping this nightmare will be over as quickly as a lightning strike in a thunderstorm and my favorite season Autumn will soon return once again and grace me with her beautiful presence!
So I'm thinking about going to warped tour and it'll be my first time going there. So I just want some tips and stuff so that I can survive warped tour. Because what if I don't :c. Just kidding but seriously. I just wanna know what I should wear and how I should do my hair or what I should dye my hair or how I should do my makeup. Also I wanna know what to do before i'm there and when I'm there. I know that I can just type in warped tour survival on Youtube. It's just that they don't explain it correctly it's like I'm not getting enough information that I need. So I really need help x-x
Mood: Eh confused...:c Music: Betraying The Martyrs - Because Of You
SUNSCREEN. limitted clothing, cheap but comfortable shoes in case you lose one, everyone wears band tees witgh skinny jeans pretty much. bring tons of water, stay reallly hydrated. and when yoiu FIRST get in, go directly to the booths of bands you like to get wristbands for meet and greets before you do anything else otherwise your outta luck!! warped is my favorite i love it so much
So my new armor is coming along nicely with the articulated elbows and knees almost finished, should be done with them within the next week or two. I will also be ready next week to cut out and shape the breast&back and should have that done around the same time. The gorget and gauntlets are next followed by rest of the leg and arm armor. I will post pictures as soon as I have them finished.
Leaving Austin Texas on a greyhound to Colorado. Gonna be a long trip.
In retrospect, I prefer colder climates. You can always put more clothing on, but once your so hot your naked, options are running out...
There's something about her that has me wanting more. Something that makes me feel so right to be next to her. Something that makes me miss her the second she steps away. Something that must have me addicted to her. I crave her kisses. I crave the way she looks at me. The way she holds me as we fall asleep together. The way she holds my hand as we walk down the street. What is it about her? What makes me want to be next to her for the rest of my life? Only my heart knows. Its her touch. Its her love. Its everything about her. That smile only I see when we are alone. The little things that make my heart skip a beat. All these things have me falling even harder for her every time. The kisses. The smiles. The touches. All so addicting. I always crave more when she leaves my side. I miss her until the second my eyes meet hers. That first kiss every time we see her is just so incredible. I'm madly in love with this girl. Does she know? Can she see it in my eyes? Or do I tell her how she makes me feel every moment over every day. So much to put into words. What if I fail? What if I look like an idiot? Will she still love me at the end of the day? Even if I'm not proud of myself? Maybe she will. She always is. She always tells me she loves me. I must have the worlds most incredible girl in the world. She's unique and all mine. I'll never share her with another. She knows this. She knows she has my heart 24/7. She is the only thing on my mind. I love her. She loves me. Its not fairy tale perfect but it never has to be. She's my King. I'm her Queen. Till the end of time.
Well this is gonna be a journal about bullying....
People think it's so funny to laugh about it and to do it to make them feel so much better about themselves I know I'm not pretty I know I'm not perfect I know I don't have friends
But I'm not here to impress anyone
I've been bullied for 8 years I was bullied at a very young age and i'm still being bullied now
People kicked me they pushed me they spat on me they ditched me they made fun of me and called me so many names then I cut my hair and began to cut it and cut it and I ripped it out and then that's when I started to listen to music and stopped but then found something a piece of glass I heard people say that cutting helps so I did and I felt so ashamed when I saw the blood run down and I had a few tears run down and I would just say help me but then I found the internet the people on it bullied me before but I thought they wouldn't
I met people that changed my life they helped me through it
But then I started taking pills each day then one day I took 12 and almost passed out and when that happened I wanted to stop
But I couldn't then I wanted to hurt everyone that hurt me and then when I stopped taking pills I went back to cutting and it got worse I wanted to be different I wanted to be someone that people liked
But I knew people would hate me no matter what
People bullied me at school everyday then some saw my cuts and they were scared and upset and they said sorry to me
But I knew that they still hated me
But then I had a friend he was awesome but people were calling him names he meant everything to me he had my back and I had his then people took him from me and made him hate me and that's when I was alone with no one
I couldn't start conversations good anymore
Then I knew that everyone had no heart because they tore out others
When I found out I was bipolar
I felt like I had nothing to live for but I guess now you know my story on bullying and how people treated me and how they never tried understanding what's attacking me and what's bothering me and what's killing me every single day
They never know how much my dad abused and what I witnessed when he put his hands around my mom's neck and choked it to take her life they don't know the booze that I always had to smell because he drank it everyday they don't know that I was his servant, his slave I had to bring him beer everyday they don't know how I had to watch my sister suffer in her room they don't know how I lived in fear
I lived in so much hell and I'm still living in it every single day I don't need anyone's sympathy I just need someone to save me from myself.
I was bullied in school as well and I know its easier said than done but you def got to try to stand up for yourself and if that doesn't work then you should probably get an adult involved. My bullies were just assholes and for the most part I could ignore them or spit in their face and they would go away. It must be tough to have to deal with all of that but you must remember to stay strong no matter what. Bullies are just people who don't fit it and they prey on others who seemingly also don't
Sucks that you have been around all the wrong people. You have to learn that you cant please everyone, you can only please yourself. do what makes you happy and hang out with people who lift you up not bring you down. If you are bipolar and such perhaps you should speak to a therapist and maybe get proper medication, but thats their answer for everything. meds. u dont need that shit unless they really help. smoke some weed and relax and fuck anyone who doesnt understand or makes fun of u
cutting and pills will only make things worse. they may have been a temporary relief but the problems are still there when you get off that high. dont resort to drugs or booze to solve your problems because they dont solve anything. and cutting is only hurting yourself when you are already hurting enough as it is. get better friends and away from that dad of yours, get a good job or go to school, make something of yourself. show everyone that you are worth it
Pills make you worse. So does cutting. You need some calm activities in your life. Something to tale your mind away from it all. Also, standing up for yourself is definitely a good start. It gives confidence and gives the power of the situation back to you. Its not the easiest thing to do first time (neither is anything really), but once you keep doing it, itll become a habit.
Well this is gonna be like a journal for my feelings
May 13, 2014, 12:15:am
I'm 14 I'm bipolar and I have PTSD and anxiety and depression i'm not very bright I love math even though I'm terrible at it. I used to do drugs now I only smoke and I used to sometimes drink alcohol. And I self harm still even though I wanted to stop. My childhood was terrible my dad was doing drugs and alcohol and my mom was too. People were bullying me and my dad was very abusive and always smelled like booze. I lived in fear but I did make some friends but ended up being left and started feeling lonely. I always questioned my orientation for years when my dad left I only saw him one last time and that was when I was nine then I never saw him again I always tell myself that I wanted everything to be different I sometimes cried then years later I had friends and I was in and out of mental hospitals for suicidal attempts and thoughts my friends left me then I went to the internet and was happy because I gained friends but their was alot of drama and then months ago I met the guy of my dreams and loved him he made me happy he told me he wouldn't leave me like everyone else had done but he left for no reason but after that I liked this girl and she didn't like me at first but months later she asked me out and now we're together I guess and I guess these are the events that lead to how I feel.