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DnB-SpeedFreak
Tomorrow
March 05, 2015, 05:41:pm
I couldnt be happier :-)

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DnB-SpeedFreak
March 04, 2015, 07:04:am
so...probation order is officially expired as of today! I did it guys. but, whoopty-doo right?... I guess that there are others in the world who will never get a chance to even taste freedom again. I'll tell you this anyways however ...that whether or not if i ever really had known what I did back 2 and a half years ago to this date as I do now...I wouldn't have even made any of those choices that pretty much got me to where im at in life now. I've learned my lessons, counted my blessings and am only thankful to those very few people that had ever supported me even after all the shady shit i put them through.... Shaieanne Jeckelz​ , my mother, step father, little sister and brother. you 6 are all i really got in this world and i envy all of the strength's that i know you we're all ever willing to show for a piece of shit boyfriend, son, and brother that I've been in my past. I will never subject myself to any of that small fried shit again. I wish i could feel like today was going to be something that i woke up in to feeling completely refreshed, or finally be at some type of peace in my mind....or simply just getting to feel noticeably effected by my stupid little accomplishment in a good way, because of all the positive memories i only intend in my life to make more of now without ever feeling like a time limit will have to be in check every time from now on. Truth me told though...i am just really really upset...i feel depressed as fuck,....i was looking forward to talking to my girl friend because we had this some what of a half assed establishment about getting to at least talk on the phone to each other between midnight and just shortly after... i guess its just a dumb thing i thought would happen and even felt like it was the first thing i wanted to do when this day came and feeling good about knowing why it is exactly that i chose to get my shit together in the first place in order to be with her always..... idk.....these pass couple weeks since u been back at home in the city for have only been the worst to me out of all the times we ever spent apart after getting back together back in October. you might ask me why a billion times and assume that i even would have a specific enough answer to give....but truly, i really do not. i don't even know what the hell it is that i ever even do to you any more for me to keep on getting put through this unfair treatment(s) by you over and over again.... i like to feel like i have done so much good for you by being in your life like u absolutely do for mine...i want to understand pretty much anything to do with your emotions, the feelings you actually do have for me out of all the ones you can think of a way to expressing to me ever.....but truth is shaie, you really brought me to a point in all my anxieties ever foretold about having to a dramatic hault, and its not a good OR a bad feeling for me necessarily either. i have went in to so many "shut-down" modes and kept my mouth shut or mind closed about any thing regarding all situations me and you have ever gone through together as a couple so far...because im scared....... I am fucking scared every damn time to even talk any more, i feel like there is never enough things i can say about you that has been positive even when ever we had our arguments like any other couples would with themselves naturally.. since i got to first kiss you again in over 2 years and walk around holding your hand, i knew i wanted to hold on to you forever with you... from the feelings you give me inside and out just from engaging conversation with me in our own words...holding my hand and feeling like that was truly where u wanted it to be forever and the gentle kisses with it all made me choose to change my life around and become the man i wanted to become for you and YOU ONLY....but every time we haven't been together since we gave ourselves the chance to fulfill something special...something that could absolutely never be thought about even being able to have rebuilt again, the way it did when we chose that together. made our amends for the past... understood all the differences we got to learn about each other in all the time back together.....like SHIT....i fucking cant stomach the fact that no matter how many times i could try to talk with you ESPECIALLY when there were times of desperation and you were literally giving me absolutely no chance to even getting that opportunity....i never been yelled at, called as many names or been walked away from and had the phones hung up on me as many times as i have so far, by anybody shaie.....i don't know what to say any more. you act like im always on your case, or that i fucking worry so much? and that i assume to always need your permission to call you just to talk if im really ever needing it to feel better about stuff going on in my mind. I FUCKING SUFFER naturally shaie, i wouldn't be collecting a disability cheque every month if i didn't have all the hospital records for attempted suicides and drugs overdoses and self harming history that i have OTHERWISE. i am a very quick person to over analyze things....but i never intend to take anything that could be potential "negatives" or something to worry about myself about and this relationship being jepordized first.....I DONT....you need to get out of that dark corner in your mind that is always making u wanna come back at me with such static and furiousness when ever i told you out of confidence what it is i ever had worried about ever before.. stop making me be the one fucking waiting and begging for you just to make it right by talking ever even if you are too pissed off to use your own voice , just because i just find it to be a more respectable way to address anything that i know I CONSIDER IMPORTANT and deserving enough to work on for both of each other's best regards and emotional securities. you know damn well that i am not a selfish person shaie...i am way tooo fucking NICE for my own good and people disgust me in this world more than i'd like them to just for that. i never been a bad guy. i never wanted to hurt you or make u feel less of yourself intentionally just because i felt it was an appropriate way to encounter you at any level...just so i can keep fueling the fires like you do......I ONLY ever worried about people ever cheating on me, or getting into any drugs except smoking your weed when ever u do and im not around at all to feel that security of knowing your with me and im with you so its only smart if we ever stick with each other only on experiences like that....or lying to me about anything that was just completely fucking pointless and or stupid to even lie about, i never want to loose you. my whole life i have been walked all over by everybody, NOBODY has a perfect life...im not even gonna get in to my own story right now on here either. i will do everything and anything just for u shaie...im sorry i loose sight of that for myself when ever i feel like i have totally let you down on something....brought u around any of my dramas in life....not ever being able to make u feel as connected to me as i really want you to.....IM NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU....from march 2013 until now i have never been more certain about any woman as i am with you.....but......i have got to be fair to myself before i literally do have to go through a stabilization unit facility, involuntarily... just to try putting my damn brain back together after having that one really bad melt down emotionally....which i feel myself getting close to having at times like this....it would just be nice to know that u were suggestive of such small things first like asking me to call u BECAUSE u truly do feel like u want to talk as well with me, as much as i always do with you shaie. like fuck....where ya been since like HOWEVER ago to even bother telling me ANYTHING about yourself to simply just assure my awareness and show me that u really do want me to not ever have any thing to worry about by noticing more when ever i clearly am putting out a vibe about being in that apparent mind set....instead of memememememe always coming to you and being overly open and just feeling the the total fucking GOON because of it , especially when i say that 1 wrong thing u always are so quick to turn into the biggest shit storm for BOTH of our ego's in the after effect, of when everything seems to be alright yet again.....

i am no longer using facebook any more. i no longer want VF any more...whatever any of this "xis embedded' page sourcing code scam shit was initiated for if at any point in time somebody ever used your phones or desktop devices for anything ..and it turns out they were just greecey pieces of shits,,,im gonna live with it thinking that way instead now. because i got motherfuckers logged and know what i know about how it all works and ways to avoid it affecting my own shit personally...but

i could seriously just cry about all this shit again too because you really have been different, very well kept...very short fused at me for long enough... and the fact u haven't even got to feel connected enough with me to show me the amount of respect that i always have for you, the idea of how i always gotta be the one asking u to be there....the way u never seem to catch on to anything that im feeling unless i build up enough about inside because i just try to avoid all troubles between you and i happening...

i always been the one bad egg that gets whipped at the wall and left to fucking drip dry in my life. im not wanting to be seen as this weak person to u or anybody in your life any more with "crazy issues"... its time people start understanding what it is YOU WANT WITH ME and how you feel. BECAUSE EVERYBODY knows how i feel at this point. i have practically remained in the shadows this whole time and it saddens my heart to think that u are some how just ASHAMED of me because of the lifestyle i lived.......like fuck :'(

IM DONE HERE ON FACEBOOK.

every thing that i ever do i only do it for you shaie! your the only one that matters. i will not feel any better about anything until YOU decide to come open up to me next....you have my numbers AND you know damn well your magicjack could very well work too if I don't happen to even see u message me back right away when u see this....i think its time u think about what u really understand of in regards to what u want in your life to happen....because i am here now. i cant live without knowing like i did the first time u were gone ever again, i did so many romantic things for you i feel...spoiled you in every possible way that i could...provided everything i ever can to get by together with u , made so much changes with myself....its time you start to come to me....please...... :'(

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1 comment

randomone
February 28, 2015, 03:05:pm
Watching untold stories of the er and some guy got impaled between the legs by a shovel

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Brittanyxo90

[reply]
March 03, 2015, 06:59:pm
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Ow

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1 comment


LizZiePop
controversial topic
February 25, 2015, 09:30:pm
*insert opinion on random topic that people find controversial*

(5) | (4)


-13-

[reply]
controversial topic
February 25, 2015, 11:17:pm
(1) |
Well, post something goddamnit Y

Shiivy

[reply]
controversial topic
February 26, 2015, 06:59:am
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I dogsit Emily right now. She tried to sleep, but she can't manage to find the perfect position on my couch. She makes me lough with nearly everything she does lol

Trista

[reply]
controversial topic
February 26, 2015, 07:17:am
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uh i accidentally propped something

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3 comments

randomone
February 11, 2015, 04:00:pm
Lol when people down rate me thinking I give a shit

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leave a comment


bloodlustavenger
bored
February 10, 2015, 06:27:pm
Chillin in costa mesa, CA for the day B)

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contessa09_chan

[online]
[reply]
bored
February 10, 2015, 07:20:pm
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good for u

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1 comment


Chyler-
February 07, 2015, 08:18:am
I like the silence of driving at 3 in the morning,
Speeding, thinking, thoughts without warning,
There's never a place I feel more like home,
Though it's because you play restlessly in my dome.
I wonder of your touch,
And if it'll do much,
To my already beating heart that beats for you.
I wonder of your scent,
And if it's what I imagine, or if you even think of me too.
I wonder most of how lost id get into your eyes,
Or reconnecting our lost ties.
I wonder what you'd think.
Especially, if I had the guts to tell you this all.

(2) |


Anhedonia

[reply]
February 07, 2015, 08:25:am
(1) |
speeding at 3am is one of the best ways to guarantee yourself a citation and an illegal search

Chyler-

[reply]
February 07, 2015, 09:13:am
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Thanks, I'll be more careful.

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2 comments


TruthfulLiarx
This crazy heart of mine, calls you all the time <3
February 07, 2015, 07:16:am
It's all about peace love and respect..
It's what we're givin to y'all

Alright ladies and gentlemen..
This is the one and only Hunter! :-)
Yaaa! This heart, this crazy heart of mine, calls you all the time
Come now sweetheart, put some words into this silence
This heart, this crazy heart of mine, calls you all the time
Come now sweetheart, put some words into this silence

Your beautiful face smiles in my dreams................. ohhhh yaaa yyaa
When I'm alone, I often think of you
This heart, this crazy heart of mine, calls you all the time

My life is like a desert and you have come into it as a garden
Stay in my eyes always, as love, as love

This heart, this crazy heart of mine, calls you all the time
Come now sweetheart, put some words into this silence By Hunt's HeArT ;-) <3


Mood: Happy
Music: Happy

(18) |


Anhedonia

[reply]
This crazy heart of mine, calls you all the time <3
February 07, 2015, 07:34:am
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death is all i want

vampierxox

[reply]
This crazy heart of mine, calls you all the time <3
February 07, 2015, 08:15:am
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Very beautiful friend I like it alot realty touching to me :-)

XxDeathBySuicideXx

[reply]
This crazy heart of mine, calls you all the time <3
February 09, 2015, 09:23:pm
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Wow, very well written.

xXcupidheartsXx

[reply]
This crazy heart of mine, calls you all the time <3
February 10, 2015, 03:57:am
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Amazing (:

vampierxox

[reply]
This crazy heart of mine, calls you all the time <3
February 22, 2015, 11:48:am
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U put meaning into what u. Write so ik if u looked a girl in the eyes & said that to her she probably would fall for u. U are. Out standing & I can't wait into u write a nother journal. This journal u wrote is very tuching. So beautiful really lovely my friend :-)

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5 comments


PhantomRayneX
so much fun
January 31, 2015, 08:45:pm
pieces of shits are so much fun eye for an eye bitch and you saying something really bitch i have the messages you didnt say nothing of the sort stupid dumb ass. it feels so good being the asshole jerk :-)

Mood: amused

(1) | (1)

last 5 of 6 comments:

Anhedonia

[reply]
so much fun
January 31, 2015, 08:45:pm
(1) |

Jeimii

[reply]
so much fun
January 31, 2015, 08:46:pm
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Look at all the tough name calling daydream

PhantomRayneX

[reply]
so much fun
January 31, 2015, 08:47:pm
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is that suppose to be an insult because its really not. i dont really care what you say

Jeimii

[reply]
so much fun
January 31, 2015, 08:48:pm
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It's not. You're just 2spooky4me

PhantomRayneX

[reply]
so much fun
February 01, 2015, 01:29:am
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eye for an eye cant admit the truth prepare for consequences

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6 comments


PhantomRayneX
Pos
January 26, 2015, 07:32:pm
Bring it the fuck on you asshole fucking heartless bastard jerk go ahead and threaten me you fucking jap pos

Mood: To kill one person

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last 5 of 12 comments:

DonovanDemonic

[reply]
Pos
January 27, 2015, 08:45:pm
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Also your opinion means nothing because you only side with friends even when they're lying sluts.

MattyK

[reply]
Pos
January 27, 2015, 08:45:pm
(1) |
I'm Asian you dumb shit.

DonovanDemonic

[reply]
Pos
January 27, 2015, 08:51:pm
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First of all.. I doubt it. Secondly, I'M ASIAN. And thirdly, your race doesn't have anything to do with him saying "jap pos." You're so unbelievably stupid I almost feel sorry for you. Nothing you say means anything.

PhantomRayneX

[reply]
Pos
January 27, 2015, 09:02:pm
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i say what i want when i feel like it and how i feel

MattyK

[reply]
Pos
January 27, 2015, 09:03:pm
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Omg gay white knights exist!

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12 comments


TruthfulLiarx
Smile
January 25, 2015, 12:02:pm
A Smile
A smile lit my day anew
And lifted all my sorrow
It told me that whatever came
I still could face tomorrow

A smile knew not what it had
It didn't know, but I did
It kept my hand from letting go
My empty gaze subsided

A smile given, taken too
It smiled for another
And though her name I never knew
I knew at once, I loved her

A poem I have posted before about the girl who played a large part in both bringing me to stop writing, and helping me to start again. Unfortunately, I believe I have seen her for the last time, but the time for sadness has passed.

Besides, I know I still won't ever forget her smile. by Hunt <3

Mood: Happy
Music: Happy

(32) | (1)

last 5 of 8 comments:

Anhedonia

[reply]
Smile
January 25, 2015, 12:21:pm
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Ohh boy. [2]

breathquiet

[reply]
Smile
January 25, 2015, 09:14:pm
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Oh hermaphrodite.

lluvy-sin

[reply]
Smile
January 26, 2015, 04:22:am
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Oh man! That's awesome! Poetry is always a good way to express yourself! ^^ And this poetry is simply amazing

onlymyself

[reply]
Smile
January 27, 2015, 06:21:pm
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So beautiful

lazht00

[reply]
Smile
January 27, 2015, 10:33:pm
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nerds everywhere :-D

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8 comments

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