For those of you who aren't Aussie, Schoolies is pretty much a week away somewhere to party after graduating from school.
Saves me repeating myself 40 or so times.
First of all, our schoolies names were: Turbo Cunt (that was me), Jean Simmons, Topsey Turvey, Tinki Winki, Jesus and Trophey Eyes.
Day 1. We get in to the apartment and move the table because we wanted to play beer pong. Next thing we know, Bourbon and coke is spilling out from an empty screw hole in the table, onto the carpet. Then we got drunk and kicked a hole in the back of a door. My friend falls over in the middle of the street in front of a number of people and cracks her phone, gaining the name "Topsey Turvey". We then lose the car keys inside the car. I then banged a yobbo, but got an allergic reaction to the lubricant on his dodgy condom. (It's ok, my cunt is fine) We only had 3/4 of a wall, so everyone could hear me shagging, despite having volume on TV 100% and music blaring through speakers.
Day 2. The bourbon and coke pranksters left me a fucking alarm at 5 am, couldn't see shit in the dark, so it took me forever to turn the thing off. Creepy shit thought we were waving at him at the beach and started to approach us and followed us for a few hours around the joint and a seagull managed too shit on my shoulder despite being covered by an umbrella and a towel.
Day 3. Dinner with a Schmuck
Day 4. Saw the neighbours screwing in the morning, sat on a hair straightener and burnt my ass, went to the movies, forgot my ID, had to go back and get it, because the little blond wiener haircut dude thinks I look like I'm under 15 (rude). Only to find out from another ticket nazi when we returned that it was totally fine and I didn't need it.
Day 5. 3:45 am wake up to a sound as loud as gun shots. Yobbos have our room surrounded. 4 at the door, 3 on either side of the house and 2 at the back. Pretending to be security highly intoxicated and horny. Wake up 5 hours later with a nose bleed. Random at the beach asked to take a pic of my friends and I in our bikini's to apparently send to his "mum". No bitch, we know a spank bank when we see one. Had a taco night and got smashed. Rubbed my tits against the window twice, then dry humped and licked the wall. Yobbos, visited again and left us a giant tin foil ball at the door.
Day 6. Got hit on my a bunch of twelvies at the beach. (had more balls than the yobbos and toolies). Could not stop gushing over a hot Italian waiter and ended up making it totally obvious because the old bitch opposite us told him that we were checking him out. My friend tried to impress him but ended up smashing her head into a window (sober) and embarrassed herself, only to realise that the entire restaurant was staring at us because we were rowdy af. Yobbos nearly ran us over during their drag races.
Day 7. Yobbos cracked the bathroom window. More drag racing etc. Hung out with a few drunk kids (the nice westies) then they started climbing the beams on our ceiling and drank the majority of our alcohol. One yobbo rocked up but straight away left because the other yobbos we were hanging out with were their rivals. (cock blocked). One Yobbo passes outside our front door, one on our floor and the other in one of the bed rooms. We chuck an all nighter. Go to bed at 6am wake up at 7am. Then Friend vomits.
Numerous alcohol and food stains all over the carpet, boobie prints on the windows, marks on the front door (from the yobbos.) The smell of mouldy beer because we left the pong hanging there for a week, empty bottles and shattered glass everywhere, empty food packets, sand, clothes, pillows, shag blankets, lingerie and grog, hanging all over the place.
Was definitely one of the best weeks of my life. #straya