You ask me what's the matter,
as if you really care;
You don't realize how many times I needed you,
but you were never there.
And so my life continues on,
you will never understand;
I just needed someone by my side,
someone to hold my hand.
It's because my life is shadowed,
its dark, alone and cold;
Everyday is nothingness,
that routine is getting old.
I don't know myself anymore,
I'm getting really scared;
I've been thinking about suicide,
but for death I'm unprepared.
This world can be scary,
a lot of things have changed;
people killing others,
and buildings rearranged.
And yet I still am here,
I think about it through the night;
I've been sitting in the dark so long,
I wouldn't recognize the sunlight.
It's because of all the voices in my head,
I still am so confused;
The world seems to hate me,
if I stay I'll be abused.
But these people don't even know me,
and no one seems to care.
I've been contimplating suicide,
but I don't think that I'd dare.
So maybe a second chance,
wouldn't be so bad;
I've realized now I've thrown away,
everything I had.
To get it all back will be a challenge,
I can see;
but maybe I can do it,
if you would please, believe in me.
Holding close to pain
Like I have no chance to regain
All is lost to the silent stains
How I long for the chance to feel the compasionate rain
So fall oh unholy water and catch my tears
Wash my burdens and all my fears
Hold close to me as i regain my strength
Quake the earth beneath my feet
Drown me in the sea of Agony's Misery
Hate in my eyes
Lust in my heart
Lighting a cigarette to ignite the spark
I knew where I stood from the start
Now I slowly rip you apart
No stopping me now cause I am only reaching the solace from the top of the chart
I stand in blackened state
What is this thing you call a mate?
Is it some type of substancial state?
Is it some type of nightmare freight?
Hoping there is a queen with same traits
For now I stand in romance reprobate
Scared to be controlled by my hate
Now sinking deeper and deeper I feel it is late
Demons swing and harness their claws on my chain
Hoping to pull me down into the time of decade
Mind splitting into and giving into refrain
Hoping to be stronger again
I search for the strength to once again break the chains
Fighting with fist of fire
I shall be free once again
I use to feel amazing or so it seemed
I would love to be one of those beautiful human beings
But that has left it's wake upon me
And now I only feel ugly
Afraid to look in the mirror for what i may see
Is not what it use to be
I had the power straight in my grasp
Now i walk around wearing a mask
Waiting for a chance to feel beauty
And not this hideous creature they call the beast
For that is all I have seen
This can't be right, This can't be me
Why do I see what lies in this mirror between scenes?
Why is there nothing or so it may seem
Was it real or all just a dream?
What I wouldn’t do to have you here
Kiss you, love you and just hold you near
To release all the demons
Let go of all the fears
I pray for the chance to show you
All that would be in store
To be able to love you at your worst
At your best simply adore
I long to hold you every night
Your arms wrapped around me
So securely and tight
Looking deeply into each others eyes
As time stops and we take flight
Knowing in those very moments
All is as is should be and right
Passionately needing and hanging on each and every single kiss
Anytime day or night all I think of is all of this
Being with you and only you
In loves pure heavenly bliss
But all this being said
I still have lots more to say
I miss all of you and worry about you
Every single day
Never would I ever intentionally hurt you
Or even disappoint
Knowing now I could’ve done just that
Leaves me sad and blue
My head spinning, my mind reeling
Not sure what to say or do
I keep searching for the words or the actions
But I have no clue
And all of these written words
Are straight from my heart
And are all true
Very much meant for only you
But don’t mistake my mistakes
For purposely not caring
Cause I probably care too much
Don’t take my trust
For any sign of weakness or such
Don’t ever doubt the love I have in my heart and soul all for you
And realize that sometimes I really don’t know what I do
In showing how I feel about you
And don’t misunderstand my submissive ways
Just because I give in to most of what you say
Don’t mean I’m not strong enough to handle, with you, a day as today
Yes I have my faults, we all do
Yes I have issues, so do you
But without each and every one of them
I wouldn’t be me
And they make me the strong, caring, trusting, and loving man
You see before you
The one you say you love
The one that gives thanks to God and the stars from up above
That you came into my life
Just as I was ready to give up and facing horrible strife
To love someone perfectly
Is to love all of their imperfections
So take me as I am
For whom I am
And for what I am
As I do you
I will show you
What true love
Will and very much can do
I love you kiana
Dark, She is the mind of yours.
Icy chill of thought becomes
A steely shimmer.
Behold a glimmer in the black -
A flash of grey, that even glows
In show against the hallowed dark of you.
And that is why you scream in jarring tones
'I have no heart for joy!
My white and brittle bones have died'
You cried in dark and fractured moans.
So now the Queen of Black you writhe,
Whence from dark of shade
That honed an evil form afar;
In curse of me you bade:
'I, the wave shall rape the shore!
Violence will there be in glares I'll throw
At all who prey, and more:
A dark and fetid sea I'll bleed.'
And now, the bitter tinge
And bleak of waste
That eyed the death of once your soul
Will here forever be!
Indeed you tell:
'The cramping pain is here!
Eternal spasm, infinite chasm,
The Devil's chaplain plays!
We'll climax in a tortured glee
As all my love decays.'
Dark, She is the mind of yours.
Icy chill of thought becomes
A steely shimmer.
Behold a glimmer in the black -
A flash of grey, that even glows
In show against the hallowed dark of you.
And that is why you scream in jarring tones
'I have no heart for joy!
My white and brittle bones have died'
You cried in dark and fractured moans.
So now the Queen of Black you writhe,
Whence from dark of shade
That honed an evil form afar;
In curse of me you bade:
'I, the wave shall rape the shore!
Violence will there be in glares I'll throw
At all who prey, and more:
A dark and fetid sea I'll bleed.'
And now, the bitter tinge
And bleak of waste
That eyed the death of once your soul
Will here forever be!
Indeed you tell:
'The cramping pain is here!
Eternal spasm, infinite chasm,
The Devil's chaplain plays!
We'll climax in a tortured glee
As all my love decays.'
I will not hold back
Watch my face turn to black
Fade in the shadows and never come back
I am not afraid to loose track
It is this blood that kept darkness on the racks
It is no longer a secrete, I am back
Better than ever and that is a fact
It is the darkness you love to hate but love the same
Inside of me it shall remain
Hope you can take it as we dance in acid rain
Flesh shall no longer be a constant restraint
No longer shall the be any pain
Move looser without the shackles.. Free we shall remain
Cause for me victory I shall claim
In the end you will remember my name
watch me as i rise to fame
In lights you will see that Jay Insanity is the name
I am not who I am meant to be
I do not like who I see
All I want is your beauty with me
I am scarred by all that I have seen
Mentally walking the darkness who is steadily controlling
Looking in the mirror that I have beaten to a piece
Your beauty is the only thing that keeps me hoping
Your words are the only thing that keeps me smiling
I just hope your love will save me
I know in your heart that by reading this you will have forgave me
I am not to become the beast that has became me
I just want to dance with you in sanity's merrily train
Don't let our love fall in vain
That will drive me insane
Shall love with us remain
Even though I am not the same
Just know I can be more than what I have became
Cause in your heart is where I want to lay
Hoping that your beauty kiss will make my day
Hoping again to become the happy man
Instead of the beast who is in front of me
So beautiful please take my hand
Know that now and forever I have ran
To become better than this trance
The thing that has left me alone
I let go of my thrown
Just to be with you my beauty
If I only died would they remember me
Would they see the pain behind tragedy
Would they see a man left in agony
Have they forgotten to see
I only tried to be me
Now i sniff the dirt simply remaining blank
No breath left to take
I left all what was there at stake
How much problems shall I make
How can I look in the mirror for it is myself that i forsake
Now I close my eyes, please death from me you shall take
I hope they remember me for not just my sake
I love you and never wanna let you go
Your my pride and joy and all my love I shall show
For I hope through my eyes I hope you will see that I want our love to grow
All these things I wanna show
Your very beautiful, I hope you know
I love your smile it is lovely and picks me up when I am low
You always make me smile and say goofy things
I love your randomness cause it is special to me
I have found my true love and I will never let you go
All these things I hope you know
I love my baby XxDhaliaDollxX she is the most amazing person and i wouldn't trade her for anyone. I hope you read this baby and know how much you mean to me cause without you I shall surely die. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you and I will do anything just to prove to you baby that you are my everything and i dont care if it takes forever to do that but i will not stop until you know for sure how much you mean to me and how much i love you
This is my youtube channel that i created to help those with problems and to give the best advice i could to those in need and if you could just comment some of your problems on there and i would give you best advice i could... thanks.
I thought maybe i need to stop what i had with him but i guessing i was wrong because i think somewhere deep inside of me i still care for him.But I rued it so now for the rest of my life i am gonna have this regret held against me. I guess that's why I want to leave my home and never return because him and i know he cares but he isn't showing it because he doesn't look at me and he doesn't even want to talk to me.
I guess i have to move on.you the say"karma is a bitch" it really is a bitch because now I have to spend my trying to find someone that love like he did.I hope that he finds someone better then me because i don't deserve him and i was right because I don't.I just need to know why is this happening? why did i do what did?
This questions haunt me and left me wondering why and i just been hurt so much and i am hoping that these new friends that i am talking to can help me and get rid if this pain that's inside of me and maybe one day i can see that i have what i wanted.It wont be the same without Scott but i have to get by with it and move on and i hate to say but goodbye Scott i loved you dearly, but goodbye.
Mood: Despressed Music: Goodbye My Lover By James Blunt
