I've done nothing new, but hello.
It's getting warmer out, did you know.
It's kinda nice, I hope you know.
... Okay, those three lines sounded kinda neat and were initially unintentional.
Anyway, I kinda just use this thing to write to imaginary people that would care about what I have to say.
Because writing on paper does tend to get dull at times.
So, my band had been struggling for a while, looking for a new guitarist.
We finally found one, a good friend of my brother's.
We all knew him, so it was a good mesh.
Now we can start playing shows again, which is good.
Because so far, playing shows makes me the happiest while being up here.
The only thing that comes close is sitting outside at 3am when I need to wake for work at 4:30am.
Just something about the thought that I can neglect responsibilities if I need to.
That I'm not bound by "you must do this" or "you must do that."
Just that I can do whatever I please and that I'm making a conscious choice to do so.
Especially since I question every morning whether or not I want to go to work.
Whether it be because of my back pain or sheer unwantingness.
Spell check says that wasn't a word, but I'm pretty sure I've seen it before.
I believe that's all I have to say, really.
Oh, and my one year anniversary of moving here to Minneapolis is coming up.
I still have nothing to show for it or friends to tell about it.
So, that's pretty neat.
This came out a lot more depressing than I anticipated.
I don't want to be held. I don't need to be held. If we want to get down to the whole truthy thing, I just want to make a friend up here. I don't care if they notice my potential depression. I just want someone to hang out with.
I consider deleting my vf because eh.
But then I'm all, "But you'll want to use it again later to talk to people and won't have it."
Wish there was a way to just disable it or somethin', idk.
Also wonder if it would go unnoticed 'n' stuff.
But idk, I only go here for cults and they haven't interested me in months.
And I already have the majority of people I care to talk to on Tumblr/Facebook/Skype.
Maybe you should just not log in for a week and try to do other things before you get back on vf. I used to feel the same way too when I had MySpace but I deleted it anyway because everyone left there. But I doubt you'll ever get an interesting place like VF because FB is just too mainstream and chaotic for me. Just my opinion.
Last night, upon realizing I've lived here 9 months and have nothing to show for it, have done hardly anything productive, even for self-worth, I've made a decision to stop being a bitch about it and to start doing shit.
First goal is to get back into shape like I was during high school when I was a star athlete in football, wrestling, and track. It's a tall order, but I'm well aware I can easily get back to that. Just have to want to. I never really got "out" of shape strength wise, but my cardio isn't what it used to be and I'm not much defined. So, I went out and bought some weight equipment and a scale today. As well as track pants and waterproof shit for my shoes so my socks don't get wet 'n' shit. This is a big deal, y'all.
While I do that, I'm going to continue attending physical therapy to fix my back and hopefully my knees. Once I've completed it, I'll be looking for a new job which is less physically demanding so I can hopefully maintain my healthy back and also be genuinely happy to go to work.
And while doing all of that, I intend to start managing my money better (not that I had a problem doing it, but I never bothered to try). I'll be investing in a new computer to potentially begin building a portfolio catered to web design, if that's still what I feel like partaking in at that time.
As I said, I'm tired of me. I'm tired of tired. I know better than trying to wait for things to happen. But I'm not one to be driven by tiny problems. Only larger ones or many small problems balled into one can really make me budge. Well, I now have as many problems as I can handle, so I'm going to rid them.
I'd say wish me luck, but that's the thing. Overcoming your problems is not something you need luck for. You just need determination. That goes for everyone. Not just me. I always hear, "I wish I could do that." whenever I go on these drastic self-improvement sprees.
But you can do that. It's not easy, and it never should be. But it is always worth it.
I've been switching in and out of moods for the past couple weeks.
Could've sworn I was depressed for a little under a week.
Now the past two or three days, I've been rather hateful.
Sorry if I did surprise you like that but I saw your journal entry along with others under the Newest Entries on VF's journal tab.
