There is no directed purpose to any journal I make on here. It's not aimed at anyone or anything. I rarely tend to look back on anything I've wrote prior either, even though at some point over the years, I think I'd come back to read my thoughts once I'm long past my youth.
Sometimes, you find a little golden nugget of perspective. It may come in different forms and at unexpected times. One such piece came to me tonight and it folded over a chapter in my life which I still often think about. People move on, you may have called them friends, lovers or something else. But inevitably, they become people again just like they were before you ever connected with them.
I suppose for some, it's easy to brush it off once all the words that needed to be said have been said. But when the dust settles and enough time has past, I still think about those people fondly. Even if they may not exactly feel the same way after it's been claimed by time.
I sure wish there was a way to change or - at the very least - re-visit those times.
We've all had them. Moments you keep close to your heart when you find yourself reflecting.
It makes me so powerless. So much so that it's as if the reason things ended up the way they are, were entirely for reasons that either didn't matter or could have been fixed.
Time is medicine for those who are willing to accept their faults.
Sometimes I used to think I was crazy
But I could never really tell
For was it wrong to have suicidal tendencies
Even when everything was going well?
Was it crazy to cry alone in the dark
Believing things would never change?
Believing darkness consumed my heart
And my life would be the same?
Was it crazy to stay up all night drinking coffee
Just so I could sleep all day
Just so I wouldn't face the people
Who used me and threw me away?
Crazy people don't know they're crazy
Or at least they aren't meant to know
I can only speculate if this is true or not
But that's how the cliche goes
But then I started thinking
Maybe it's not me, it's them
Because others drove me to think
Ill upon my common man
And the more I looked around
The crazier I became
Sane thoughts would vanish
Until no normal thoughts remained
But the more I questioned others
The more I soon discovered
I wasn't alone with my feelings
And we can relate to one another
I found much in common
With others just like me
Those who lived to tell their tales
Of terrible tragedies
Or maybe we're all just unique
In our harmless, creative ways
Fighting through the hardships
As we express ourselves day by day
Even the greatest poets and artists
Who were respected in their right
From Allen Poe to Van Gogh
All went crazy in their times
With no sparknotes to pass
Life becomes a sanity test
But the fact is I'm impressed
With the amount of those to help us through the rest
But one thing I realized
In trying to make it through
It's fine to be depressed
To cry, grovel and stew
It's fine to be angry
To be edgy, dark, or mad
It's fine to wish upon stars
For things you never had
It's fine to be disabled
To be diagnosed with disease
Whether mental or physical
It doesn't mean we're crazy
This is what makes us human
And not crazy in the least
Unless we're all crazy together
As we ourselves find peace
And please don't call us crazy
I really don't prefer that word
That only makes people more crazy
Just in case you haven't heard
Whenever I talked to you,
you never looked my way.
Whenever I kissed you,
you never wanted to stay.
Im so tired of trying,
that I can't stop crying.
Please just give me a blade,
I want to make all of this fade.
I sit here and play this video game,
waiting on you to realize your fucking gay.
Get away from me,
your only the dark shade of grey.
Drink this monster,
it taste like a unicorn brains.
Take off your mask.
your going to get hit by a train.
Just look the other way.
Rip out a page of a comic book,
and paste it on his face.
Make sure it sticks because,
we have to make him look like grace.
Sick him out on our pray,
he'll eat them all away.
Then let him fuck his food,
he'll use them all up anyways.
And then have something bad to say.
Your silence is nothing but a miles,
lets put that in your files.
Your going to jail,
all you do is fail.
How about you get down on your knees and hail.
To my fucking tail.
Never much have the time to be on here anymore (I blame school), let alone sleep, hah.
So, I figured for those of you interested a summarization of the past couple months or so of what's going on in the world of Elara was overdue.
Well I have no pictures for this actually, so here's a picture of the company I work for..
Man, still can't believe our little elara has grown up and gotten herself a boytoy no matter how long it has been! But kidding aside, happy for ya Elara!!
I take it by this that everything has been going well for you? I hope so!
We miss ya!