My best friend just said that they hated me and refuses to talk to me now for no reason. Thats the last thing I needed
crying my eyes out cuz of that and im in a lot of pain. I got a lot of bruises from my cousin attacking me.
Someone help me!
Soup VF? How are things? Us? Oh, we're fine thanks. Stoked to be playing shows (edit:not shoes) right now in Russia and ---> Wave Gotik Treffen Is coming up in a coupe of days! Very exciting!
We also just confirmed we're playing TRITON NYC September 6th. AWESOME. Can;t wait, actually, It's like a who's-who of bands we're friends with and have played with before. So glad to be doing it.
Here;s the details / story / flyer. Thanks JET! You are so good to us.
Guess it's time to update our VF profile and celebrate, no? It's been to long VF! We've missed you.
Love, TBM. На здоровье !!
So the angsty retards of DDG just deleted me because they couldn't accept my comments. When in the thread we were supposed to state our opinions. Yeah, goodluck going far with that attitude. What are you guys like fucking 12? I've been a member of DDG for a long time. This is how you treat me? well fuck you. There are better design cults out there who actually know their shit. OH AND By the fucking WAY!!!
JOIN THIS AWESOME ASS CULT
They are the #1 source for all of your graphic needs.
We unveil the monsters called children you've raised, you've praised. So you silence us? Well, I don't need you. I don't need your corrupt little "system", I don't need you playing favorites, turning a blind eye on the pain of individuals. This isn't right, and it's not okay.
Hi everybody!!!! I have aplied to become Hollands next top model and I all want to ask you to vote for me!!!
I am the only one with body modifications and I want to make a difference with that! I Want to show the world that goth and alternative with piercings can also be beautiful and good enough for the fashion world!!!
"don't leave me!" she cried I took my knife and gutted her. Using her intestines as a trophy necklace. I respond "you will be with me forever now" and cackled while pulling out her eyes and crushing them with my feet.
Recovery and "The Scene": Getting Through The Weirdness
May 07, 2013, 11:41:am
First, a big disclaimer. I don’t know everything about addiction. I don’t pretend to know what motivates each individual person to make bad calls and dive headfirst into the abyss. I just know what I went through and go through on a daily basis. I’m no expert, but I get asked about it a lot so I thought I’d share some of my experience doing this music stuff as a recovering alcoholic.
Also, I don’t give a shit if you get hammered, high, or jerk off while choking yourself. It’s your life to live. This isn’t an advertisement for recovery or a judgment on anyone else’s behavior. I wish I could still get screwed up, but I suck at it so I had to stop. Still, get help if you think you have a problem, whether that be a therapist or a detox or a program. It’s really hard to do it on your own.
With that said, at the time of this writing I got sober over three years ago. I hit bottom at a Caustic show (well, technically hours after when I woke up in the back of the club passed out) and realized shortly after that I couldn’t do this to myself and the people I loved any longer. So I decided to break up with alcohol and got help. For those who don’t know what Caustic used to be like and what Caustic’s like now, let’s put it this way: I drank on stage. And off. And anytime I could. Caustic was for all intents and purposes, at least to me, a party band where I got to be the life of the party. Honestly, it still is—I’m just not the passed out host at the end of the party any more.
Also, I’m not “cured”. I could still relapse. This is my thing for life. I just fortunately got it under control.
Being as known as I was for drinking I actually did have some trepidation stopping. It feels stupid now, but there was a small fear like I was letting people down by quitting, but when I realized I finally had to stop I simply didn’t care what the consequences were from people who weren’t my wife, family, or close friends. I hit the wall, and I needed to reassemble the pieces.
The main reason I’m writing this isn’t to toot my horn about sobriety (believe me, bragging feels stupid when life knocks you on your ass), but because I get asked a lot about how the hell I stay sober for shows and especially festivals. While it’s gotten easier over time, I won’t pretend that playing shows the first few times after I cleaned up was easy. Luckily I have a lot of good friends and fans who were extremely supportive of my decision. I also tried to keep a sense of humor about it, making a fake press release (linked below) announcing my newfound sobriety and for my first sober show getting a friend to be my “designated drinker” on stage (I subsequently have done this at other shows, including last year’s tour). I made a conscious effort to make what was a pretty uncomfortable situation as comfortable as possible by being open about it, but not whining publicly about all the crap I was going through (I did channel it into my Livejournal for a time, as well as lyrically for a few songs, notably White Knuckle Head Fuck).
After a few shows of just feeling weird having CONTROL again though, I felt better. Not only did I feel better, the shows got better too. I’m saying this based on what a lot of people have told me, and that feels great. I think the music got better too, simply because I actually started focusing 100% on it instead of splitting the focus with whatever I wanted to put into my system for “inspiration”…and generally ended up making the music sound like shit.
Back to the point. Here are some tips for your garden variety alcoholic/addict to get through shows, festivals, and dealing with lots of people having fun on various substances.
1) Just Say No…Thank You
I get offered shots and drinks all the time. I turn down shots and drinks all the time. I don’t get bent out of shape about it, because even though a lot of people know I don’t drink anymore I’m not so self-centered (okay, maybe a little) to think the whole effing planet knows. So I say no thanks. Sometimes people, especially those who are a bit more screwed up than they need to be, aren’t good at taking no for an answer. For that I simply channel Swayze in Road House and continue to be nice. I can’t think of a single time where anyone’s gotten angry at me or kept persisting, but if they did I’d just get the hell out of there. That’s their bullshit to deal with.
2) Move Around A Lot, Or Stay By The Booth
One of the beauties of being me is ADHD—I can’t focus for shit (and for the record a lot of people with distraction issues use and drink, as it allows them to focus better—it’s not a good excuse, but it’s true) and so I get fidgety staying in one place too long in general. This helps a lot at festivals as if I’m not watching the band on stage I’m generally bouncing from conversation to conversation and hanging out with people. If I don’t know many people there I tend to stay by the merchandise booth. While it’s nice to have someone handle your merch booth, it’s even nicer to be able to talk with people at the event. In my experience you also tend to sell more merch that way. You even get to sign it sometimes, which makes you feel like Bono…if Bono just sold a shirt referencing vaginas.
3) Know Your Sober Friends
Not everyone drinks or does drugs. Simple as that. Many people never have and still have a great time. Other people have stopped drinking or doing drugs and know what you’re going through. Know those people. I played the Kinetik Festival a few short months after quitting drinking and was determined to stay sober during the event, but staying sober for me wasn’t as much the hard part—it was being around so many (exceptionally nice) people who were waaaaaay hammered and/or otherwise altered. I wasn’t mad at them for it. I wasn’t even really all that bummed that I couldn’t do it. I just needed someone who understood what I was going through and could relate. Luckily I knew another artist that had also quit that would be there, and when he showed up I bee-lined it over to him and just knowing he went through the same shit made me feel a whole lot better. We talked about it some and hung out for a while and it recharged my batteries on dealing with the lovely drunken masses. In all honesty he saved my ass, as I drank for a lot of reasons, and one was because it made me more social. I’m far from introverted, but I was still getting my bearings at the time and was learning how to deal with people in a very drunk environment as a non-drunk.
4) Drive Yourself, or Know When To Leave
While not always a possibility, it’s good to know that if things get uncomfortable you have an escape plan. Sometimes things get ugly- people get really hammered, people start fighting, people go into a sex frenzy and you wouldn’t touch the best looking one even at your formerly drunkest. Mostly, it might be because people are being drunk dicks and there’s no talking sense to them. So leave. Make sure anyone you came with has a safe way home and ditch the place. It’s better to remove yourself from a situation that threatens your sobriety or general well being than be some stupid hero and stick it out. There’s no honor lost in leaving a crappy party.
5) Don’t Be A Self-Righteous Dick
You’re clean and/or sober. Congratulations. You went through hell and are working your way to a better life. You’re awesome. Guess what though? You’re far from perfect, so don’t hop on the judgment train because you’ve addressed your problem and someone else maybe hasn’t…or they don’t even HAVE a problem and are just getting their party on. Remember that you used to enjoy doing that before you started ruining your life and blowing truckers for meth cash.
Self-righteousness is as ugly as it gets. You’re no better than anyone else. You’re just better than you used to be. Get over yourself and be kind to the other drunks. Everyone’s not out to destroy their lives—most just want to strap their drunkbag on and try to get laid. Know that the best way to represent sobriety is by showing you’re still along for the party and still having a good time without all the substances. Acting like everyone has to be that way just makes you look like you’re pissed that you can’t have your cake and eat it too. It doesn’t mean you have to stick around for every stupid idea people have—it just means that judging people for the same shit you did is completely hypocritical. If people see you being cool with stuff it might make someone else with issues realize it’s not the end of the world quitting drinking or doing drugs. Because it’s not. It just means you have more spending money and remember where your car is the next morning.
Quitting alcohol and drugs is never easy if you have a problem. By the time you realize how bad it is you feel weirder being straight than on your substance of choice and your perspective on everything is, for lack of a better term, completely fucked. Don’t make your life harder for yourself by quitting other things in your life that can be positive. While I associated my music with my addiction issues I was able to turn it into part of my rehabilitation by getting more creative to fill the (massive amount of) time I spent getting screwed up. If you can’t divorce hitting the clubs or making music without drugs or alcohol then don’t feel obligated to keep it up, but if you can ease yourself back into it know that things can still be fun or more rewarding if you can still find the kernel of passion and love that got you into doing it in the first place.
And if you’re reading this and can’t relate to anything I’ve said I applaud you. I hope you never have to understand it. But for those who are reading this and going through all the shit—it does get better, it’ll get less weird feeling, and things will suck significantly less as time goes on. You hopefully don’t have to start your whole life over to get better, so don’t give things up that make you happy whether you’re clean/sober OR drunk.
As a small side note, if you basically want to hear me hitting rock bottom listen to my album …And You Will Know Me By The Trail of Vomit. It went into mastering a little before I hit bottom and came out a month to the day after I quit. You can get the Caustic’s Detox podcast “commentary track” on iTunes as well. I talk about all this shit in more detail than most people probably want.
Neko
That suuuucks. Feel better soon.
