Blah. So tired, all the time. I sat infront of my work for like 3 minutes whining about how I didn't wanna go to work lol
I think I need to spend a day out in the sun. Did you know, that depression can be caused by having no direct sunlight? Not that I'm depressed, but seriously. I'm just tired as hell all the time. Had an awesome 3 day weekend though!
And this weekend is gonna be a blast,...
Cause I'm going to the Renaissance fair with my boyfriend and his family!!! <3 soooooo excited!
But yea, I work all the time, in a back room, with no windows, and no one goes to the back, so I pretty much work by myself. Come home, lay in bed, and thats the only sunshine I get. And its not even any direct sunlight. So that kinda sucks. I walk out every morning, and its all nice and sunny, and I just wanna sit in the grass, and feel the summer breeze.
Poop on you broken ankle!
Hopefully next week I get to see my friend Leslie though.
Yesterday was a horrible day for me, and by the time I got off work, I just wanted to sleep in the car on the way home. Which I did. Sorta.
Than came home, and just wanted to go to sleep lol
Last night, and the night before I passed the fuck out. Last night I don't think I even woke up once. However, it did take me forever to fall asleep.
Anywho, WHOS GONNA BE AT THE REN FAIR THIS WEEKEND?!?!?! Saturday in particular. Sooo happy to spend the day with my boyfriend out and about, and his Aunt, who I love and adore. And his brother who I've never met. And if his mom and sis go.... Which would be cool too! But I don't think they will.
Gotta find something to cushin my crutches otherwise I'm gonna get a rash all day saturday.
Blah, I can't wait till I'm able to pay off my cello... I think I still have almost $300 left to pay. I also need to save money for my boyfriends gift, and my trip to Cali... And thinking about it, I think I should have gotten that black electric violin... -.-* Sometimes I can just be too stupid.
It seems like I've fallen back into a long night of depression.
Intellectual conversations have become apart of my past. All I hear everyday is drugs, weed, and everything in between.
I've lost my interest once again. Not to mention hearing how no one left in the world has a single piece of innocents left has really twisted me around.
Everyone's getting mad and upset at any little thing they can get their hands on.
Soothing music is a thing in the past.
I just want to be running around in a village, wearing a long dress, listening to random music filling the air. Not from a radio, or an ipod. Not from a car, but from a single man, sitting infront of his house smoking a pipe, and playing the flute... No more songs about rape.
Its like I just come home to stress. Not enough time with people just paying attention to the living things around them. Or maybe its just me, feeling abandoned again. Like always. I can never stop dreaming about my mom, my best friend, who I call 'mum' since she was a motherly figure, had just dropped me off the map out of no where, so feeling lost, and abandoned, I'm probably feeling it by everyone, like people would rather be doing something else.
I started my GIF Journal beginning of May. I just would make a new journal to add new gifs, with my old gifs, and delete the old journal to make a new one. Here is the link to my last gif post with all my old gifs.http://vampirefreaks.com/journal_comment.php?entry=8232079
So! Here is a new journal that won't take up your whole page n.n
I got really bored with my hair, so I decided to add more color into it, since my white is no longer white, no matter how much toner I put into it...
I get soooo bored at work!!
Man, can I ever just stop touching my hair?! This actually makes me laugh hard core lol...
The top ones are always the newest.
why would a girl being in a workshop sound "harsh"? do women in your country not work on things? Roland...maybe instead of thinking yer big shit on VF cuz yer a "model" maybe you should take your head out of your arragant ass cuz you aint shit.
no man , I wasn't sure it's appropiate to ask why she's in a workshop or garagewhy are you so anxious Marvin ? I don't think about any big shit on vf and I give no fucks about I'm a model or not
So Im not going to school this year. I'm just not motivated, and if I'm not motivated, it probably won't sit right. So I'm thinking school next September, and till than, I'm going to have my ankle healed, and maybe see about doing some photography. Going to sell my current camera, and save up to get a better camera and lens. Maybe if I can somehow save enough to get some alien bee lighting equipment... And since I have two roommates, than I can deff save some money for that. Being a zoo vet tech can wait...
So a little over a week ago, 2 Wednesdays ago, I went to pick up my best friend Dan from Fort Collins. He got left behind when he was on his way back to my house. I was so excited to find out that he was coming back home in stead of moving out to California... He left the rainbow gathering before it even started. I mean there were a lot of people there, but the festival hadn't exactly started yet. So I picked him up, brought him home, he was super super sick from standing in the rain after getting ditched since 4am that morning.
Anyways, long story short, I had found out he liked me the day he was leaving the house, but I didn't think too much of it, but like friday, I guess he pretty much asked me out. Sorta. I cried for two days, just freaking out about the thought of a relationship. I wasn't too excited about it, scared, afraid to be hurt, afraid I'd lose my best friend, ect. He really isn't my type either, but we had been friends for a long time, I knew I got along with him, so this is really my first post, saying who I am dating. I havn't added a relationship change on fb because I'm choosing not to for a while.
Anyways, I think it was Thursday, I had to run him to the ER because he was coughing up blood...
Than Saturday I broke my ankle, and he has been taking very very good care of me, and taking care of Crescent. Than now I'm sick, so he has been taking even more care of me.
Also my ex Derek texted me saying he thinks about me, and misses me, than goes off saying how he isn't happy for me because I'm dating someone now, but he is just glad he didn't destroy me. LIke wow dude, some nerves!!!!!! He really does just think about himself, and can't be happy for me, that I'm happy now? At least I waited like 3 months till I fucked another person. Gosh.
But yea, broken ankle, sick, soar throat, fever, I think I have pink eye, so not been such an awesome week... Besides constantly hearing from Dan 'You've had a lot of shitty boyfriends in your life, you need to stop saying sorry, you're going to have to get used to knowing what its like to have someone treat you right.' He makes me happy, always has, even when I just looked at him as nothing but a friend, he was my best friend. But I'm still scared, worried, afraid, and trying to just not tell anyone pretty much, VF is just less drama, so I figured I'd start here.
Oh yea, and I now have an awesome roommate!!! So glad I can actually find a chick friend I can socialize with besides my bestie Sarah.
I hope it works out for you. If you want a partner who loves you and treats you well (it seems that many women do not) it sounds like you have a keeper. When a guy is that devoted to a woman, helping her through the hard times, that's real love. The best way to save the "friendship" is to realise that that's the very best person to be in a relationship with and to move forward with that. The guaranteed way to lose it all is to try and put it back to how you thought it was. If a guy best friend is that devoted, he's in love. I know many lonely women in their 30s and 40s who were blind to the rare prince charmings who were in their lives - the best friends who loved them - because they were focused instead on trying to find "love" with the jerks who only use them and can only ever do that. Good luck!
Talked to my little brother, I haven't seen him in forever. I've missed him so much. He's graduating and getting his BA in psychology, tomorrow! And he's a almost two year younger than me! I'm so unbelievably proud of him! I'm so happy I could cry, really.
yay for awesome bands!
So glad I can actually find a chick friend I can socialize with besides my bestie Sarah. 
