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Luxurya
About giving up...
October 27, 2014, 03:27:am
Lately my heart feels heavy... full of grief... wich i don't know where it comes.
I have a strict code and a pretty well moral compass, my conscience is clear and at peace... but not my mind.
So where's all this coming?
Sometimes, the void or feeling empty would make think and feel unwanted, worthless... but this... nothing but grief and pain..

I'm wishing for my death again, so fiercely and strong as i used to...
i never thought i would survive this long...
When i was young... or younger if you prefer... i had established my life terms, i remember all the abuse, specially the emotional from the woman who gave birth to me... i said i wouldn't live beyond 18 years old...

So i started with attempting suicide... taking pills, drinking chemicals... doing dangerous things...
but nothing... maybe my will to die was weak... then i experimented with that a little...needles on veins, rubber bands to concentrate more blood...
i remember when i dropped school and my room with the heavy metal door and no windows where each night i went to sleep in tears and blood... or better said where each night i lost consciousness from the bleeding...but it was never enough... when i woke up each afternoon, because i never was awake at morning, i cleaned the blood from the floor with the same razor... as it was already dry... i remember all, even if not everyday... butmy arm is full of scars so i can't really forget... there are more scars scaterred, the ones on my chest for example... a ridiculous response for a heat that was in pain...

I'm a trapped animal.
In many senses.

I've tried, i've worked hard, i've been brave, i've been restless...
i've been everything... but it seems that everything is not enough...

Lately i'm feeling the need of bleed again... i'm having this death wish becoming stronger and i'm thinking that maybe... if i try again i will be successful... but i can't do anything right now... it would be a nuissance with my brothers wedding and that...

This world and me... we never belonged to each other...
Maybe i should stop trying to live... maybe all these years have been nothing but a waste of time and effort...
maybe i should be gone long ago...

This is a erratic journal entry, i can't sleep again and i'm trying to get some stuff out of my head to try to sleep at least a couple of hours... as tomorrow i have to go and quit the job where i was and molested everyday... with enough time to not get late to the new job... wich will be an odissey as idk what the manager will say and they have to pay me for the last days even if i was on vacation and the proportional part of the annual bonus and i'm pretty sure they will play dumb and try to not pay me anything... another battle...

(1) |

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friskyfox3
October 24, 2014, 03:49:pm
Nicki minaj's bum


Please discuss

(1) |

last 5 of 11 comments:

Jeimii

[reply]
October 24, 2014, 04:43:pm
(1) |
This made me hard.

EB0LAISLIFE

[reply]
October 24, 2014, 06:08:pm
|
id hit it, girls are obviously jealous

Jeimii

[reply]
October 24, 2014, 07:04:pm
(1) |
Stick it in that, coat yo dick in plaque. Mmm

Glittered-Ghost

[reply]
October 24, 2014, 08:08:pm
|
lmfao... to the dude saying "girls are obviously jealous" I'm jealous of her money and that's it...

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11 comments


friskyfox3
free
October 24, 2014, 01:40:pm
After working six days a week for twonk of boss who has less use than a chocolate teapot I told him I'm not able to work sat days anymore


He don't seem happy but I've got him by the danglies as if he gets narky I will just hand my weeks notice in then he will have nobody to run his shop

Mood: awesome

(5) |

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sissipini
Push the venom :D
October 22, 2014, 10:10:pm

(3) |


TheMetalGuru

[online]
[reply]
Push the venom :D
October 23, 2014, 04:43:am
(1) |
I get to see them live later today :-)!!!

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1 comment


sissipini
When the dj drop the jam** ehhehe
October 21, 2014, 04:49:am
When the dj drop the jam

hahahahah
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=727660580622905

(1) |

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sissipini
Parties*
October 15, 2014, 07:56:pm
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=847356698620859

(1) |

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Marketh
Thumbs up for my daughter
October 15, 2014, 02:39:pm
So my dears,
I want you to support my little girl in competition called "Miss Metalshop".
You can vote every day, please vote for her.

Here is a link: http://miss.metalshop.cz/marie-landsingerova/

Click on thumbs up button "Hlasuj".

Thank you very much!

Kisses for you all.

(3) |

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sissipini
that days
October 15, 2014, 04:13:am
sometimes people just go Seriously? and i just go... LOL

(3) |

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sissipini
:) make me smile
October 13, 2014, 08:39:pm
i actually like this :-)

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sissipini
original*
October 13, 2014, 06:56:pm
original guitarrist, like it *
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1139731629404525

(1) |

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sissipini
british slang VS Portuguese
October 13, 2014, 05:21:pm
British vs Portuguese
oh thats who i sound? O.o


(1) |

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sissipini
Frecuencia - DecepciĆ³n
October 12, 2014, 08:50:pm
My spanish friend band ;-)
http://vampirefreaks.com/Anheruvika

Enjoy!


Mood: happy

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freethoughts

[reply]
Frecuencia - DecepciĆ³n
October 12, 2014, 10:35:pm
|
ew

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1 comment


sissipini
Brasil* just because they speak portuguese :)
October 11, 2014, 04:49:pm
not only metal...


(1) |

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friskyfox3
October 09, 2014, 12:44:pm
Officially divorced

(10) | (1)


dazedandconfused

[reply]
October 09, 2014, 01:42:pm
|
Congratulations

friskyfox3

[reply]
October 09, 2014, 01:51:pm
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Thx hun,
chaos653
[reply]
October 12, 2014, 04:36:am
|
[ Private ]

Eyehategod420

[reply]
October 15, 2014, 07:46:am
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Congrats bud

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4 comments


friskyfox3
October 08, 2014, 02:17:am
Can I dry my shoes and socks off in shop microwave

(2) |


Aadora

[reply]
October 08, 2014, 02:20:am
|
I don't think that will work...

Aadora

[reply]
October 08, 2014, 02:20:am
|
Oh and if your shoes are leather you want to dry them slowly..it will ruin leather to dry to fast.

friskyfox3

[reply]
October 08, 2014, 02:26:am
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Thx Also the smell if my wet smelly stuff won't draw the customers in :-)

Aadora

[reply]
October 08, 2014, 02:28:am
(1) |
Well, if you want a slow night....LOL go for it! :-D

Black-as-Dawn

[reply]
October 09, 2014, 12:29:am
|
lol go for it

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5 comments

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