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Ekibyougami
The rage won't subside...
December 11, 2013, 01:48:am
Nothing in life matters. It really doesn't. I've always been good at not caring about a lot of things. The only thing I can really ever keep coming back to is anger... I am good at it, but sometimes being good at it is bad... I can't help my thoughts. Hatred, anger, murder... It's always there. These thoughts just appear. Well, other thoughts bring them about, but where I want to take the anger out, is situational. Ever drive by a transient and wonder, "would anyone find out"?

I spent hours dwelling on this thought. It isn't healthy, it isn't normal. But it's always there. Look at someone you care about, someone you love. Could you look at them and think, "I will always love them, no matter what"?

Take that person, then try to find a reason to want to nail them to a cross, out of spite and anger. You wouldn't find a reason, because a normal person should not think that way. It's not "right". It's not right to wonder what their tears taste like. It's wrong to want to know the taste of their blood. It's inhuman to wonder what joy their suffering would bring...

I think these things. It's harder some days, and I sedate myself when I can... But when I can't concentrate on something, sedate myself, or let things rest in my mind... I want to tear through something living, and I want to feel the release of killing with my hands...

I guess it's a good thing I can control my body, even when my mind is torturing me...

Mood: I am death, incarnate... Worship me.
Music: Ghost Brigade

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