"I promised myself I would never fall in love
But it was 4 a.m, and we were laughing way to
and I felt happy for the first time in a long
and I knew I was screwed."
So, I guess you are wondering what that little poem is about up there huh? I really am screwed ya know, my life is over and there isn't anything I can do about it,
Who is going to love someone who is dead inside? I mean after such an epic love like that, just to have it end because of death? How can I not be dead inside?
My name? Oh uh Damon Lutz, sorry I have shitty manners lately. *shakes your hand* So I guess maybe I should elaborate or something here huh?
Okay, I don't really know how to start here. I guess my story begins four years ago, on my birthday, the big twenty. I woke up like every other day and went
through the motions, ya know shower, teeth brushing all that, got ready and headed to work. I work at a pet store, it's pretty cool, I get to play with animals
all day. That is when she walked into my life, Emmy, and she was perfect, it didn't matter if she really wasn't, to me she was the moment I saw her.
Emmy was a friends relative that had just moved into town and they came in to buy some dog food, and of course so Ethan could introduce us.
I guess I have him to thank and to hate for this situation that I am in. It wouldn't be a bad one, ya know if shit like cancer didn't
really exist or if we could survive the really bad ones, you would think with all the advances in the medical field there would be a
cure by now right?
Yea well apparently not. So let's fast forward ya? It's the night time, just got off work and I am scooped up by some friends for this
big ol birthday bash and I am told Emmy will be there, I'm thinking great I can make my move now. So we get to Ethans place, cuz he is
the only one renting a place of his own, and it's on. We drink and get high and damn it feels good. So me and Emmy get left alone and
well really it's history and our epic romance begins. It was an amazing four years, I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.
Emmy and I went on vacation six months ago. I had it all planed, I was gonna ask her to be mine forever. We went to the beach and we
had an amazing time. We went back to the hotel to get ready for dinner, she went in first and I was about to join her when I heard a
loud thud. I ran in and she was passed out on the floor of the tub. I dressed her and called 911. They found tumors in her brain, some
shit right? So lets fast forward six months again and here I am sitting in the front row at my would have been wives funeral. Life is
so fucked up. So to break it down I am a 24 year old going to medical school in my home town of Norfolk Virginia, and I am at the
funeral of the only woman I have ever loved. The hell am I supposed to do now? And again I ask you this: Who is going to love someone who is dead inside? I mean after such an epic love like that, just to have it end because of death? How can I not be dead inside?
I'm not really sure I want an answer to be honest. I think my heart is just going to be a zombie, you know even if some ever does bring
it back to life it is only going to crave the basics: to be loved, but it is never going to love, not like that, not ever again. I
don't know where my life is going now. Oh did I forget to mention that I myself recently had a bout of the death. Yup that's right,
I tried to off myself. Lets face it, life is never going to get better for me. I am never going to be a real person again anyway.
I didn't work obviously. *rolls eyes* You see Ethan being the good buddy that he was, was constantly coming to make sure I was okay.
He found me passed out in my own vomit and called 911. *pouts* They pumped my stomach and well I did die for like five minutes, here I
am, doing the one thing I don't want to. So now here is the kicker, because I had one foot on the other side I can see ghost now. I
wonder if I will ever see Emmy. I hope not. I hope she found peace because this is just fucked up. Now it's my job to help all these
"lost souls" cross over. What if I don't want to? I'm not some fucking ghost reaper, I call bullshit on this but whatever. Anyway this
is my story and I hate my life. I am nothing but a damn zombie.