I feel like I'm slowly retreating more and more into my own head, which is never good. I feel like I'm alone around people who really care about me, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know where to start, I don't know what to talk about, I don't know how to just talk it out. I just feel distant for some reason. I hate it.
I need to get out of this state. Or send my mother out of this state!
January 17, 2015, 05:29:am
I am really upset with my mother. She suddenly decides out of nowhere to butt into my private life and decide how I should live my life at my age. I haven't done anything wrong in the slightest bit, but she's pretty much annoyed at me and even getting relatives to be on her side. I really don't understand why she now thinks she should dictate what I should do all of a sudden, especially since nobody is being hurt and I'm not a child. It would be different if she would suggest things or give me options, but she's pretty much telling me "what is the right thing to do" (in her eyes of course) and then tries to make me feel guilty for not doing the only option she wants me to do.
I told her that she should try to help my youngest brother instead of me, but she said that he's too young and still has time to live his life... Which really isn't a valid excuse.
I feel like I should just do something bold to shock her and shut her up. Of course, if I go along and give in that would also shut her up, but I don't think I'd be happy. I really do think her decision would make things worse, but I don't know how to go about telling her to drop it without hurting her feelings. I need a break from everything over here to clear my mind...
Mood: Disgusted Music: "Stati Di Immaginazione" - album by Premiata Forneria Marconi
I never thought I would ever say this, but I'm honestly nearly done with men. I'm just getting too old to fool with the dating scene, and I'm tired of guys only after me for the wrong reasons. I'm definitely done with "curious" guys. I'll keep my radar open I guess, but I'm done trying. I definitely think that will make me happier in the long run. I love my girls more than anything and love our beautiful life together. If I get to share my life with a guy too, then great. If not, then I still have a beautiful life.
So for anyone who cares I'm going to be mostly decommissioning this account. I'm not on here very much and I don't speak regularly with anyone on my friendslist anymore so I'll use this account to bitch about how my day is going on the journals but that's it. No cults, no messaging people, just journals. If you still want to stay in contact I might get around to my inbox sometime this week so hit me up there and what not. Other than that have a nice day peeps on my peeps list
So, I've officially written my first erotica novel. We had the first copy printed and it looks great! I'm making a few more edits before I put it up for the public. I want to thank my girl "Ayrin Camden" for being an awesome inspiration for the book and I dedicate the series to her.
The book is an erotica novel set in 18th century France dealing with the fettish of owning human pets. There is a really nice plot line, lots of mystery and action, and of course hot sex scenes (gay, bi, and straight).
The series is called "The tales of Leo" and if you are interested, let me know and I will send you the link to buy it once it has been completed and ready to sell.
I have also started working on the second book in the series, and will keep everyone posted on its progress.
Looking back on some of my earlier journals, I thought to myself, I was and still am one angry mother fucker, I mean I spoke words of hatred. Yet I never once said anything about it. I was messaging a friend but I found out she was pregnant. Time flies by fast when you're not caring about the world. But that's my little rant topic.
Now, I want to apologize first and foremost, I am not saying anything bad about mothers raising their children, or talking bad about anyone. Just please take my words with a grain of salt.
Its happening everywhere, what happened teampullout, is your ratio for failing bigger than Krillin from DBZ losing streak? And whatever happened about putting on a fuckin glove? Sure the get in the way but if you guys don't wanna pay for a child then fucking be smart.
To be honest I think its more to deal with the younger generation. Yes that's right I said it, I meant it, younger generations are thinking with their genetalia and not thinking with their brains. Its like common sense flew out the window. Don't get me wrong sex feels amazing, and its actually proven to be good for you.
But seriously you guys, that's correct I am now targetting you, quit being fuckin stupid. I mean come on you were born with a brain and you do know how to use it. Now if you all are thinking about having children then that's totally fine, just as long as you have the means to support your family. Now if you're thinking about living off the government then I congratulate you for being a dumbass you lazy mother fucker, because you don't want to help raise your kid. I'm not talking about those who had a job and is collecting unemployment, no I am talking to those who are deliberately living off of the government because they don't want to get a fucking job.
Anyway, I apologize if I have offended anyone here, this was more towards guys anyway because face most guys are stupid. All I am saying is just be safe and wear a glove, you'll thank me later.