On Saturday April 25, 2015 I got a new baby. I saw him from across the street at the adoption fair and wanted to have him around. He is 9 months old and looks very similar to the dog my mother has. So I've been busy with taking care of him over the last few days. The adoption group named him Ricky but I'm not sure if that should be him name... I have a couple days to decide on it I suppose. I sort of feel like he is more of a Rudy, but there's a little bit of time to see what his personality and disposition is like.
Mood: Tired Music: "Whip Smart" album by Liz Phair
Your repugnancy deeply sickens me,
You are a failure and I want you to die.
Your dumb look implies that you do not know why,
So let me break it down:
You are stifling the power, rotten to the core
Such a massive fail, guess what? You're boring and I've seen this all before
You're a joke and no one's laughing,
I'm goin' for baroque and it all comes crashing down
Every time that you try to do something right
You seem to get it all so wrong It's almost like a joke
But no one's laughing now
Through these fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire
I've witnessed your suffering
As the battle raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms
I feel like I'm slowly retreating more and more into my own head, which is never good. I feel like I'm alone around people who really care about me, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know where to start, I don't know what to talk about, I don't know how to just talk it out. I just feel distant for some reason. I hate it.
I need to get out of this state. Or send my mother out of this state!
January 17, 2015, 05:29:am
I am really upset with my mother. She suddenly decides out of nowhere to butt into my private life and decide how I should live my life at my age. I haven't done anything wrong in the slightest bit, but she's pretty much annoyed at me and even getting relatives to be on her side. I really don't understand why she now thinks she should dictate what I should do all of a sudden, especially since nobody is being hurt and I'm not a child. It would be different if she would suggest things or give me options, but she's pretty much telling me "what is the right thing to do" (in her eyes of course) and then tries to make me feel guilty for not doing the only option she wants me to do.
I told her that she should try to help my youngest brother instead of me, but she said that he's too young and still has time to live his life... Which really isn't a valid excuse.
I feel like I should just do something bold to shock her and shut her up. Of course, if I go along and give in that would also shut her up, but I don't think I'd be happy. I really do think her decision would make things worse, but I don't know how to go about telling her to drop it without hurting her feelings. I need a break from everything over here to clear my mind...
Mood: Disgusted Music: "Stati Di Immaginazione" - album by Premiata Forneria Marconi
I never thought I would ever say this, but I'm honestly nearly done with men. I'm just getting too old to fool with the dating scene, and I'm tired of guys only after me for the wrong reasons. I'm definitely done with "curious" guys. I'll keep my radar open I guess, but I'm done trying. I definitely think that will make me happier in the long run. I love my girls more than anything and love our beautiful life together. If I get to share my life with a guy too, then great. If not, then I still have a beautiful life.