I'm in a fight with a friend. Over text, which I know is dangerous. We already admitted we should stop until we see each other in person. But somehow its kept going. Oh wait, I know how. He was apologizing and admitted some of the things he had said were just attempts to hurt me. That burned. I know people do things in the heat of the moment but I would never be malicious during a fight. I never fight dirty or personal. Its a game ender.
My mother told me once....when I was pretty young...that I had the power to destroy and because of that I must always be careful with my words. That always stuck with me. And its because of her that I never attack my friends that way, or even my enemies, during fights. I could end him. I could have him with a knife in his hands in a few hours. I know I could. At this very moment I know exactly what to say to put him in therapy for years. But I don't. Because I know better.
So the fact that he purposefully and viciously tried to attack me...I can't even describe how I feel right now. He may have ended the friendship.
So I made a choice in my life that I don't know if I should be happy or sad about it.
I broke up with Sean.
While I was with him I felt this horrible depression.
I don't know where it was from.
I don't know why I had it.
I always felt depressed after I hung out with him.
Or I'm depressed in general.
But since I'm not with him anymore I feel happy again.
I don't feel depressed anymore.
Its been a while since I reared my head around here. I'm in an okay place personally. School gears back up tomorrow and that'll make me busy enough to not worry about it, not to mention, I've been having a dalliance with a cowboy from home, so thats nice. He is very pretty and he seems to like me quite a bit.
I have one more year of this grad school thing and then I'm out in the real world. I've missed the real world. I lived there once and it was glorious. The academic system is not for me. Industry, all the way.