Today, I noticed how much my stamina increased since I picked up sword fighting. And I love it. Hence the title, level up. My skills are increasing and I'm feeling better and more confident. I even joined the end-of-the-lesson duels today and they both ended up in a stalemate, even though my opponents were more experienced.
Aside from that, I'm moving out of my parent's house. I'm going to be moving to Nieuwegein very soon where I'm going to share an attic with my girlfriend. n_n
My study is going reasonably well although I still lack motivation. Lately I've been feeling very uninspired. I'm sure this study is as close as it gets for me when it comes to future plans but I'm quite hard to please I suppose. Part of it is because I have a hard time getting to terms with the fact that this world is so fucking disappointing.
My mind is drifting further away from the industrial dystopia ideals I used to have and more towards the serenity of forests, nature and ancient arts. In other words, I'm turning more and more into a hippy. Although I'm still quite fond of being clean. But the downside of this, even though I feel much more comfortable, is that the world around me is more awkward. The whole cityscape is an abomination in my eyes. I've always hated concrete, that's not new. But it's genuinely bothering me lately. Same with the whole industrialized shitstorm I have to travel through when I'm going to school. (My uni is situated near a industrial-area of Amsterdam)
Anyhozel, I'm too tired to continue writing here and frankly I'm not sure who actually reads this crap. So I'm going to have a beer and then call it a night. Got uni tomorrow afternoon so I can't stay up all night.
3- you're not my type sorry
4- i have a crush on you
5- i wanna get to know you
6- i wanna go on a date
7- will you be mine?
8- can i have a hug?
9- i want a kiss you
10- I LOVE YOU <3
11- no, just no
12- ew no thanks
13- just friends
14- give me those digits
15- dont talk to me
16- cuddle with me?
17- let's fuck
18- marry me?
19- let's makeout?
Lately I've been having a difficult time to get myself motivated enough to actually do something. I have to admit this study is not what I expected and I'm not too happy about it. But I'll continue anyway cause I can't really do something else, this is my second try and if I flunk this I'll have 2 years worth of debt I can't pay back and nothing to show for it.
So yeah.. There's that. Maybe it'll get better over time. Let's hope it will.
You may have noticed I just re-uploaded the pictures I took yesterday. Sorry if you got notified, I just forgot to watermark them the first time! It's a shame I have to do it.. but I'm tired of people stealing my photos. That is all
ALSO as some classy gentleman pointed out a minute ago, watermarking things is by no means a sure way to prevent image theft, but I've found the types of people who do it aren't often smart enough to know how to remove them. I always keep the original copies of my photos at maximum dimensions and dpi if ever I really need to prove I own them.
Leaves us fantasizing about war. Have you ever wondered, why violence is such a prominent aspect of our society? It's because we're drawn to it. Deep in our minds we're hardwired for violence. This is because, in the time before laws, the violent specimens of our race were the most successful. Hence, our inherent nature is set for violence.
This is funny because violence is very much a taboo in our social code. It's looked down upon by many and our government tries to abolish it by asserting officers that make you think twice about your actions. And yet, the first thing your primal nature wants you to do when someone pisses you off is resort to violence.
Murder is one of the capital crimes in our system of law. Yet most people under the age of 30 feel the urge to kill someone at least once a day. Which is not surprising really, because there are few things that piss us off more than other people (printers being the main contender here).
What's my point? My point is that I prevented several murders today.
So uhm, a few people asked me if I have "Kik" and I said "What the hell is that?", mainly because I'm old and no longer up to date with all these gizmos like you people from the iGeneration. But anyhow, I managed to up and get it last night on my phone, so feel free to inbox me your username and I'll give you a shout.. or a kick.. I'm sorry I'm still new at this.
And I figured.. Let's divvy my opinions on bullying. As a kid, I was bullied a lot. Not just because I was (and to this day still am) a chubby kid. But also because I didn't quite fit in with the mainstream. I didn't like the same music or the same clothing as most of the other kids. I enjoyed skating more than skateboarding, I still don't fully understand why they picked on me for that. I didn't like to go on holidays to far countries with my parents, and I still don't. I was friends with a 'nerd' and 'fell in love' (pre-teen lurve.. what a joke) with the 'ugly' girl. Anyways. I've spent most of my youth getting bullied, even after I kicked the shit out of the main bully.. Sneers kept coming. And when I tried to defend myself with the only thing I was good at for the time being, violence, I got punished by the teachers which made me feel so alone in the end. I didn't know what to do about it at the time.
This continued unto highschool although it gradually faded away.. Because I got even stronger than I already was physically and when I caught one of my demons.. (which wasn't too often as they could run faster) Well let's just say it wasn't a pretty sight.
But now, when I'm almost 21. I'm glad they bullied me. I overcame the depressions they caused me to have, conquered my insecurities and studied to prove I was better than them. In essence, the armor of confidence and knowledge I wear today was forged by their efforts to break me. In essence, I should thank them for making me what I am today. Of course, it were a rough 13 years (I start counting from age 5 to 18) of getting bullied, fighting for my place in school and using my headphones to drown out the screams both inside and outside of my head. But it made me who I am today and truthfully, I wouldn't have had it any other way.
But that's because I made it. I'm sure there are a lot of kids who had it worse than me. And I'm not talking about attention whores like Amanda Todd (the tween that showed her tits and then killed herself). And even though I'm a fan of Darwinism, I still think that in some cases it's way too much for a kid to be put through. You can't expect every kid to stand up for themselves. And even if they do, the damage could be too much for them to handle. Because of that, bullying needs to stop. At least the severity of it.
And if that is not an option.. We need to teach our kids 1 fundamental lesson. Never give up. Stop making out these tween suicides (like amanda todd) as role-models and martyrs by blowing up their stories and making them look good. In my opinion, this is creating a false-idol out of someone that committed suicide because she couldn't handle the punch that followed after her own taunt. And, in essence, only encourages kids to give up so everyone suddenly loves them and feels bad for them.
Last but not least, I think the internet is part of the problem. Bullying and trolling is not that far apart although I feel like trolling is of a more whimsical degree where people don't actually get hurt (physically or mentally). But kids don't see the difference. They think trolling is all cool and shit and end up "trolling" the living daylights out of someone because they think it's okay. After all, "everyone is doing it" on the internet. But what they don't realize is that their bullshit isn't funny. It's not whimsical. It's plain cruel and often worse than the standard bullying.
Aside from that, the internet is merciless. Especially groups like 4chan. "We do not forgive, we do not forget" I have to admit, they live up to that line. This is not a place for kids. Heck, most teenagers can't even handle the internet so how can we expect that pre-teens can? It's not even that parents are irresponsible or careless about their children perse, they are just part of the generation before us that grew up without the internet so they are not aware of the problems it's causing with the modern youth. Some awareness campaigns would be nice on that.. It's bad enough this generation is fucked up.
Well, that's it for today. Be aware that these are all my opinions, not facts. I'm fine with it if you disagree, but if you chose to draw this to a discussion. Let's be civil and respectful.
Kids need to be better educated how to handle when being ''bullied''. By learning how the human brain works regarding bullying, and their emotions and all the effects. Learning about manipulation, mind control and body language, and how to deal with alpha people within a group, and group-thinking people. That way they can defend themselves better.Also, check this. This is one of the main reasons of bullying:Source: http://psychology.about.com/od/gindex/g/groupthink.htm
Such an interesting year so far. Quite interesting. You don't even know. Spent new years in Florida. Flew back to Canada for a week. Auditioned for a short film titled "Zombies Incorporated", caught a plane to the U.K the same day of the audition and couldn't even get to London before getting kicked out of the U.K., they stopped me at the border, and some lady with the possibility of having the utmost devotion to making every life she encounters, hell, by giving them a hard time for no apparent reason. Not to mention I was sick as FUCK, from the plane ride. Was on the urge of vomiting, and all I wanted was to get to my hotel but this lady was asking me about my life. She might as well have asked how many times I clip my nails per month, and approximately how many strands of hair I had. They interrogated me several times, searched my bags, and patted me down at least 3-4 times during the 24 hours they kept me in detention inside of the airport. That was my $1500 trip to the u.k., 19 hour flight sick, and deported. Life goes on. I'll try again perhaps in the summer. Anyhow. I also had [if it exists] a one day relationship. I had my room mate up and leave, without paying a months worth rent. I signed myself up for archery lessons, and payed a deposit to secure a position in stunt school. Needless to say, as of late I've slowed down on drinking so I can get back to playing squash and get to the gymnastic gym to practice back flips. I still do a great deal of karaoke. That's been my activity for the last few months. Went to a sex expo/show in January and let me tell you. I've never been to a sex show and it was enjoyable. Loads of sex shop stands, tattoo stands, a stage with performers, a couple bars, and piercing stands. Easily spent over $100. So far, living in this house alone is alright. I've got a cat. His name is Chow Mein. So we've got an extra room with a living room and kitchen...2 bathrooms...I don't have to worry about noise or their dirty dishes. If there's one thing that bugs me, is when there are dirty dishes in the sink that aren't rinsed. Lessons have been learned this year so far. A lot of self evaluation has been going on since graduation from film school. My confidence level is increasing. Confidence is crucial for life, and crucial for where I want to get to. The rest of this year after April will be a waiting game. I've got to get an agent. And get out there on the screen. March 1st falls on a Friday, for which I'm glad because there's a punk show and I'm going. MOSHING. A sexy band is going to be playing as well. Sexy party. Anyhow. I can't think of anything else to type about. Getting a bit...hungry. For pasta. And my laptop is being rude and interrupting my line of thought....it's a tiny notebook and it's doing that horrible humming thing, where it's normally humming, then stops for a second. The next second it hums louder for a second, then remains at the regular frequency of it's hum. It's annoying.
Mood: Hungry, creative, buzzed, annoyed, and excited. Music: Beats Antique - Milieu
I live in a world of illusions you say? Good, so that also means my love for you was just nothing more than an illusion.
I'd prefer live in a world of that, than living my life full with lies like you did.