Hey everyone. I just wanted to apologize to everyone for being less than active on here as of late. There has been a LOT going on in my personal life lately that I'm trying to get through. Rest assured, however, that the new album is still being worked on, just slower than it originally was. There isn't much to update except that I think I may have settled on a title for the new album. Still tinkering and deciding though.
Anyway, I hope everyone is well.
Sticken
Talked to my little brother, I haven't seen him in forever. I've missed him so much. He's graduating and getting his BA in psychology, tomorrow! And he's a almost two year younger than me! I'm so unbelievably proud of him! I'm so happy I could cry, really.
Doesn't this constant bludgeoning exhaust you?
Or at least hurt you that you're hurting me?
Perhaps you really don't care, but that's not my fault.
You chose cesarean instead of abortion.
Like the womb I'm stuck just a part of you,
Is it me you wish to hurt or the you you see in me?
Apparently the red flags faded to pastel pink,
In which the pain is watched and sadly enjoyed.
Flailing about searching for some compassion,
Understanding or at least ears that are open.
This heart is hardening and the fear is here,
Where feeling fades off distant like an echo.
Statements erode into a smooth slick surface,
In which expressions slip and slide elsewhere.
It's best described as being so very trapped,
Inside of a life that couldn't possibly be...
A reflection that can no longer be recognized,
But loathed and begging to be desecrated.
Dreams formed but never able to really manifest,
So you wallow and wonder and waste so much time.
The worst thought process is to wonder why,
Contemplate everything until there is nothing.
A nagging notion that it won't be understood,
Despite the pictures laid on the coffee table.
For you the picture can be formed in simplicity,
The strange timing that you don't or won't fathom.
It boils down to a sticky and black sort of syrup,
That balls in the throat and births nightmares.
I'm exhausted from a kind of realistic fear,
That I allowed just by opening my arms.
You won't understand that,
Because you refuse to hear;
I'm losing everything,
Struggling even to surface.
The answers lost somewhere,
It's growing harder to care.
Close my eyes and over think,
You're never eye level.
The world never slowed down at all,
I watched opportunities pass me by.
Slumber consumed and I was comfortable,
Trapped in a dust cloud of emotion.
Burned myself alive in searching,
For answers that could rest my anguish.
The rash worsened with all this time,
Itching until raw for nothing at all.
Beat myself up because I felt guilty,
There's nothing for me to feel anymore.
I'll burn you completely from my fibers,
Free myself of the thoughts and anxiety.
The world never slowed down at all,
I was free to transform the whole time.
Today is new and the air is intoxicating,
Ready to spread like fire in the wild.
Calm my fists from clenched to open,
Allow peace to pool inside of my soul.
Rain come fall upon the seed,
Passion forming inside of me.
Lost but keeping an eye out,
The sun should be rising soon.
You know, I'm lost in day too;
It's beyond embarrassing now.
I know that rain will come,
To set a fire inside my soul.
Murder the dark and cold,
Soar towards the galaxies.
Eyes glued up at the sky,
Hoping for cloud formations.
Chase the lightning bolts,
Scream with the thunder.
Cup my hands full of rain,
And drink to ignite fire.
The seed in me is ready,
Bloom, burst, and flourish.
It's not that I don't like you,
Wait, that's absolutely the issue!
Drifting and shifting elsewhere,
Clock ticking, time's been wasted.
Nothing, everything, something;
Perhaps, maybe, absolutely...
Vexing, vapid, vast, foolish;
Promising, least it was for a bit.
Bits go as fast as they come,
Faded and left for dead back then.
Continued until the disintegration,
Wasted into a beautiful nothing.
If only there was a way to rewind,
Prevent the destruction and messes.
Continue forward never really knowing,
The bullet I fortunately dodged.
I was never much good at sports,
Foreshadowed the sequence of today.
So, by the end of this month, I'll probably delete this account, as it is merely a waste of time and not a goddamn soul talks to me a lot on here. Message me if you still want to talk to me, through facebook or whatever, which I highly doubt.
Black stuffed in all corners but one,
Light is pooled right above my head.
The illusion that I have some space,
More so than my small blue square.
Right now I could be virtually anywhere,
Swimming in the ocean or dancing again.
Right now I'm going to stick right here,
In a quiet moment to collect the pieces.
You know, I've been collecting too long.
The mosaic still looks very much same.
Effort did nothing but waste some time,
Too much time placed in the wrong place.
Right now I could be sipping on success,
Living in the city in my very own space.
Right now I'm stuck still right here,
In a quiet moment to dwell and ponder.
Laughter then the disappointment comes,
Wasted and threw away every single thing.
Rot and become just as they promised me,
Ambition eroded due to lack of understanding.
Right now I could be six feel underground,
Counting beetles and waiting for Jesus.
Right now I'm brooding in my half life,
Waiting for compassion or a big break.
lol
