I made friends last night.
I also made an ass out of myself.
But I still ended up with people's company.
Would have asked for some numbers, but. Being the intoxicated female I was, I would have either gave the wrong message, or offended people by thinking I was being polite when I explained I was only interested in friendship.
Maybe I can be a creep and ask friends of friends for random people's numbers from the party.
I had a fascinating conversation about metal music with some dude named Will, and awkward but interesting talks about tourette and gardening and ice cream with some dude named Greg. Or Craig.
I wonder if I'll ever know his true name. He was nice.
Hi, there, I haven't written a journal in awhile, and after this, it'll go back to that absence of Satara activity. Already quit Tumblr, all I really go on anymore is youtube and facebook, and when my roommates start up a new internet connection, I'm not getting in on it, so coffee shops will be my only internet access.
Things are okay I guess, I can see there's light at the end of the tunnel, I just have to keep trucking along.
Started painting, need to get back into writing.
I eat a lot of rice these days.
Guess I'll go to work now.
Got a job, seeing Voltaire tomorrow at a Steampunk Ball, lost about 10 lbs, bought two pairs of pinstripe pants and one pair of pinstripe shorts, and I have a tortoise, who is literally the only other living creature in the house with me right now.
That is all.
I'm in Boulder.
I miss my cats.
And fgt premiums forget they've messaged me before, then claim it to be ironic.
And then call me a coward for not having a block button on my profile.
If you're stupid enough to not figure out how to block me without the button on my profile, you don't deserve to have me on your block list.
That being said, fuck VF, I'm logging out for the first time in a good year.
Not going to delete it, because there are definitely people out there who would steal the username and pretend to be me, so I'm just going to stop being as active. Might check in every couple of weeks. Like, all I get on here now is "You're hot/have a nice profile/have a good taste in music, have a 10+," so what's the point?
I'm just gonna be a bitch to everyone who messages me, so why not just log out.
To those who could be considered legitimate friends, send me a message or something with your facebook link or something. That's the only social network I'm going to keep active, because it's basically the only way I can keep in touch with family.
Tumblr... eh. I'll come on and add more to my queue or something sometimes. Just a waste of time, though.
Hey, we didn't get all that much time to talk, but I'm glad we did, and I'm sorry that you won't be on VF any more. But I can't say I blame you, all that crap premiums do and just the same comments gets annoying after a while. -_- I'm glad you survived moving, it's a stressful time for anyone, and your cats probably miss you, too! :'(
Since you seem to be stalking my Tumblr and VF, I assume you'll see this soon enough.
There is nothing to fucking fight about.
You broke up with your boyfriend, who's been my friend for nearly 4 years.
You slept with some dude, do you see Kyle flipping shit and threatening him?
No. You don't.
You've got your boyfriend back.
You've got your perfect little life back.
Now sit the fuck down and shut up.
Oh, God. Please be kidding.
First off, I found the sources for the portraits she claims to be her.
Second... It's fucking impossible for anyone to know, nevermind speak, every human language.
Literally. Im. Fucking. Possible.
Unless you're some super genius baby who can learn every language within the first 10 years of your life, because your vocal muscles stop growing after a certain time and the variety of sounds different languages make is crazy.
And now... even after all of that explaining to her... she's making a fucking vampire clan?
Goddamn it, VF.
Goddamn it, internet.
Stop making me lose faith in my generation.
So, for the past few days, there's been someone meowing under my house. That in itself is nothing strange, my cats used to crawl into the vents all the time til I blocked them up. They can get outside that way. The thing is, the meow coming from under my floors now is tiny. A kitten or young cat, probably born around the same time Louie was, in late Autumn. I took off a vent cover closest to the meowing, and I saw a tiny little nose and huge eyes. There's a bit of metal in the way, so I can't reach in and pull him out, and he won't get near my hands.
I dumped some dry food down for him. That's all I can really do right now. I even crawled under the house yesterday and called for him, but he won't come to me. Poor thing. I mean, if it was born under there, and maybe got left behind... or something. I dunno. But it's making me sad. I gotta get him out of there. Might just... kinda... break the vent a little, and wear a thick hoodie or something, and just grab him.
Why are you such a hassle?
Yet so goddamn cute?
In other news, I'm sick, I recently went to the dentist and have two temp crowns, one of which has already fallen out and I've just kinda stuck back on, and my job sucks. But not to worry! In roughly 2 1/2 weeks, I'm moving.
Now, time for me to watch anime and pass out.
I just... have to share this. My friend told me about it, and... well. This was not what I expected. I'm just gonna say it, this brought tears of joy to my eyes. This is just... fucking beautiful for some reason. Now, I'll let Tumblr and the video say the rest:
"So let’s think of Hysterical Literature as porn. And let’s accept there is a camera and that it is a performance and it is a performance meant to be viewed by the anonymous internet.
But within that framework of performance, and within that umbrella of pornography, there is something really fucking cool going on.
Because we are watching real orgasms, which of course are absent from most main-stream porn, we are watching something closer to a true, uncensored human experience. This is a beautiful glimpse into a very private moment, one made even more powerful by the absence of performance and the absence of control. It’s an experience rare in mainstream porn: real female pleasure seemingly unrelated to the pleasure of the viewer. These women are not cumming for you. They are cumming for themselves, with themselves, by themselves, and we simply have the good luck to be able to watch.
It’s voyeurism, and it’s drama, complete with a literal catharsis at the end.
And of course, of course, of course, it is in part an illusion. There is a camera and a crew and the women know they are performing for an audience both present and imagined.
So it’s porn, yes, these are performers and they are performing for the viewers titillation, but…
The argument that porn is dehumanizing holds true and is dangerous when the viewer watches an inhuman performance.
And an inhuman performance this is not!
Porn becomes dangerous when the viewer is subjected to the image of a woman who can not react to the viewers’ supplemental self (the one in the video doing the fucking.) Porn becomes dangerous when a woman’s pleasure is simply a performance (and not a good one) meant for YOU, the viewer, to get YOU, the viewer, off.
Porn is dangerous when it dehumanizes women, when a viewer’s experience of female sexuality is one where he repeatedly “fucks” a woman who cannot respond.
She can’t respond because she is on video, and her reactions aren’t the result of interactions or sensation, but a performance of a pleasure that comes quickly and comes for you, the viewer.
Without the possibility of reaction…. There is no possibility of humanity!
If she can’t react…. She is a robot!
But holy shit are these women absolutely not robots.
If we think of these sessions as portraiture (and the artist certainly does) then we’re experiencing a wonderful documentation of extreme vulnerability and specific humanity.
Well, I guess some people just can't look past that. "So, basically the video is watching someone read a book." And having an honest reaction that isn't faked for a paycheck. As a literary fanatic and a human with sexual desires, this was pure magic to me.
It's more than entertainment for me. It's more than porn. Hell, it isn't even porn. I can't even describe what it is. But I don't think I can convince you that it's more than some chick getting off and reading a book at the same time. Whatever. Still is probably the most beautiful thing I've seen on the internet yet.
God, there are some disgusting people on here.
I don't just mean the perverts or whatever.
Although, there is no lack of those.
But in all seriousness, this site makes me so disappointed.
I know I make this kind of journal pretty often.
I really should just delete this shit.
I'm just so sick of the self-righteous neckbeards.
If it's not one thing, it's another.
Yeah. One reason I hardly go on this site, generally speaking I don't like the people. Most of the people I'm used to are polite and understand what it means to spell. I am however bored and thus I am here. Perhaps you would be interested in a conversation, as I would like to think I offer better company in dialogue then most of this site?