So it has been a while since I've been around. Some new things that have been up. I'm on a label now, I'm making a new cd. And for those who haven't seen or gotten ahold of my halloween CD, here it is http://tindeck.com/album/ffbtq 10-31 Volume 1. Keep a look out for news about my upcoming tracks and releases everyone! keep it wicked!
No idea why I even still have this account but I just cant leave you all! :')
If you have a spare minuet care to take a look at my facebook page? I know! Not another person promoting something you're not fussed about but you lovely people with an imagination might find something interesting
Why, oh why, do I try them? Every time I do, I always end up getting hurt. My first one was with this British guy. We both knew someone here in my town and we started talking and getting fond of each other. He showed from the UK to see us a month later. After an evening with him, he completely stopped talking to me until he got back home. He said he couldn't do long distance and now continues not talking to me. This was back in August. Recently, I started one with a guy named Alec that used to live here. We've hung out before, but he had to move to Georgia due to Military reasons. One day though, we just started talking all of a sudden and started falling for each other. He was very funny, goofy, cute, handsome, smart, and had an amazing personality. He was also someone I can compare to when it came to past experiences with some bad/cruel times. I don't think I've ever have this many feelings for someone since my ex fiance. He was perfect. But for the last 38 hours, he just suddenly stopped talking to me. I was sending him multiple messages on FB to him wondering what was wrong, but it was not like him to stop messaging me like that. He would see them, but not reply. I was worried, and it got me thinking, "Oh no, it's the British guy all over again." I was right. He eventually spoke to me again and said he wasn't sure when we would see each other again, and that we should go our separate ways. I begged and pleaded him to stay and that I could and will wait for him, but he continued to refuse. I tried to get him to promise me to be mine when he does return, but again, he couldn't... Before I left FB, I told him "Goodnight and I love you Alec Lee Carroll", but he only responded "Goodnight Alyssa Dae Clary..." I'm heartbroken once again... I considered suicide once more, drank a lot and ate some more pain pills... But I don't even know anymore... It hurts to lose someone so important to me once more... He doesn't understand my pain and what I would do for him... I will never be with anyone else... I promised him that... But if I can't be his... I don't what I will do to myself... But one thing I do know is that we will forever be bound by the red string of fate...
So today wasnt completely bad.. i woke up pretty okay.. ate peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast and lunch.. then i went to a movie, Dark Skies. I'm sort of new at the aspect of a journal but i think im doing it right.. ranting nonsense in a very bland nonchalant type manner.. *sigh* My life so far is full of repetitive days at my boyfriend's parent's house.. i lost my job, i have no license or car, my dog Harley is whiney ass... and.. i just feel as dismal and hopeless as ever.. But my love has given me an ultimatum to get my self together by March 20th.. I'm always the problem in every personal relationship i ever get in or against my will. A burden to family and friends.. but i AM the only one that can change it but why does the appeal not hit me... i care about being happy for the rest of my life, but i just..blah. Ya know? *yawn* Life is just a lame ball of shit... how can you find anything positive about that?? I can breathe and i can use all my limbs.. i think id like it better if i couldnt breathe, if ya know what i mean. Not suicidal, just cant wait to die.. I see people day by day and i just wish everything was gone.. in a flash of white light we all fade to nothingness... selfish? yes. But thats all i got.. i dont understand the emotions of others around me.. not sure if i even want to.. to feel empathetic for the pathetic.. im no better but i just want everything to go away.. over complicated stupidity life, tormenting people day by day... Dear world, blow up already.. with all the hatred i possess,