So a little over a week ago, 2 Wednesdays ago, I went to pick up my best friend Dan from Fort Collins. He got left behind when he was on his way back to my house. I was so excited to find out that he was coming back home in stead of moving out to California... He left the rainbow gathering before it even started. I mean there were a lot of people there, but the festival hadn't exactly started yet. So I picked him up, brought him home, he was super super sick from standing in the rain after getting ditched since 4am that morning.
Anyways, long story short, I had found out he liked me the day he was leaving the house, but I didn't think too much of it, but like friday, I guess he pretty much asked me out. Sorta. I cried for two days, just freaking out about the thought of a relationship. I wasn't too excited about it, scared, afraid to be hurt, afraid I'd lose my best friend, ect. He really isn't my type either, but we had been friends for a long time, I knew I got along with him, so this is really my first post, saying who I am dating. I havn't added a relationship change on fb because I'm choosing not to for a while.
Anyways, I think it was Thursday, I had to run him to the ER because he was coughing up blood...
Than Saturday I broke my ankle, and he has been taking very very good care of me, and taking care of Crescent. Than now I'm sick, so he has been taking even more care of me.
Also my ex Derek texted me saying he thinks about me, and misses me, than goes off saying how he isn't happy for me because I'm dating someone now, but he is just glad he didn't destroy me. LIke wow dude, some nerves!!!!!! He really does just think about himself, and can't be happy for me, that I'm happy now? At least I waited like 3 months till I fucked another person. Gosh.
But yea, broken ankle, sick, soar throat, fever, I think I have pink eye, so not been such an awesome week... Besides constantly hearing from Dan 'You've had a lot of shitty boyfriends in your life, you need to stop saying sorry, you're going to have to get used to knowing what its like to have someone treat you right.' He makes me happy, always has, even when I just looked at him as nothing but a friend, he was my best friend. But I'm still scared, worried, afraid, and trying to just not tell anyone pretty much, VF is just less drama, so I figured I'd start here.
Oh yea, and I now have an awesome roommate!!! So glad I can actually find a chick friend I can socialize with besides my bestie Sarah.
Black Coffee cup today............Fraid as a whole that we are not going to command much attention as "Super Villians", but we do have scissors,fish,pills,headphones,bottles, gag(s)? umbrellas,money,dried plumbs,chopsticks, monitors,plants,chair-fruit & flute,bongs, gameboys, Black sheets & cylinderheads, iphones-bottles & books, a green window to toss everything tru with a Black cat watching and a Black test to see what we all have learned......hmmmmmmmmmm Let us ponder this and continue..........Luv the cat pic Nina,quite typical of the fur creatures
Colorado, a horrid state that consists of 4 months of summer.
Yesterday I went for my run, was going pretty well. Than my dog got distracted, and stopped, staring at a dog, or sniffing something, and when I caught up to him, I called for his attention to run with me. Well when I did, he bumped into me, and I rolled my ankle.
I walked all the way home on it. 30 minutes. Came home and was debating rather I should tell my roommate or not what had happened, but with 2 flights of stairs, I was in tears by the time I came into my room.
Of course the first thing he says was 'Why didn't you call me'
Well as I was walking, I didn't even think about him driving my car to get me, all I thought about was 'he is too sick to carry my fat ass all the way home.'
So, he fixed me up, and once I fell asleep (12am) I just couldn't get comfortable to the point where I wasn't in pain. 4am: Crying.
9am, I go to the doctors, and before I left, I was told it was broken.
So now I have crutches so I can get around!!! But I'm yet to walk down a set of stairs in crutches... I'm afraid of heights. I'm perfectly fine climbing a tree, but getting down, fuck that. Even going up the stairs is scary enough!
So, Dan has to take care of my dog, and clean the house before my new roommate moves in on Saturday. I feel so so so bad. I just want to cry because I'm not used to asking for help from anyone. I'm a very independent person and can do everything on my own. Well standing over the sink, washing dishes, I realized 'If I lived alone, I wouldn't have a single clue what to do about myself. I'd let my ankle heal wrong, I'd be up and about doing other crap when my foot should be elevated' Shit, I didn't even know it'd have to be elevated, or who to put a wrap around it. Makes me think of my dad, and if he got sick, which he has been for a few months, but what if it was even worse? I feel bad enough that he was so sick and I couldn't feed him or take care of him like my mom. And he is all alone :'(
My whole summer has gone to waste. I had camping trips planned for this summer. first time since I've moved to colorado, I was going to go camping. I also was going to run a marathon, 5k, with my best friend Sarah, now I can't do that. I cant exercise besides sit ups.... my legs are gonna get fat, I'm gonna get fat, I hate my face.....
BUT! I have my best friend here to take care of me, 3 months. He is going to take care of me for 3 months... Thats a long time. Also, me and him were supposed to take a trip out to Cali in July. He was gonna beach bum, and I was gonna visit my family. Now idk if I'll even be able to do that. I mean I guess I could? If he came with me to my grandparents. Luckily theres 2 bedrooms there haha.
How am I supposed to work?! I guess I still can, thats a good thing at least. I just have to keep my foot elevated and balance somehow while taking pictures.
Ouch. Similar thing happened to me a few times and it was so awful. That's very sad timing too. Sucks when things like that happen. But I hope you can find some way to make good use of the time spent in recuperating. Often when life's mishaps force us to slow down, really good things can come through it.
Στην αρχή υποχωρείς γιατί δεν θες να τσακωθείς, μετά κάπου ξενερώνεις...στην συνέχεια αργά ή γρήγορα εκρήγνυσαι και λες πράγματα που ίσως μετανιώσεις..μετά νιώθεις χάλια...και όλα αυτά επειδή ενώ από την αρχή έβλεπες ότι η βάρκα παίρνει νερά εσύ περίμενες το θαύμα..
Sometimes you just have to realize some things will never happen, and you've got to stop waiting around. You've got to move on, even if you think waiting is totally worth it, sometimes it just will never ever happen.
No matter how bad you want it, even if you go to get it, if its not meant to be, it wont happen. So much for achieving your dreams, getting what you'll work for, and doing everything for it, because it'll only stand in the way of something else that is supposed to happen if you just keep focusing on what isn't meant to be.
It does feel horrible but you have to fight through it. There are moments of sadness, depression, tears, but you have to keep them to a minimum to get through it. Maybe I'm not being entirely honest with myself or I have gotten to a point that I can hide my true feelings behind a wall of indifference but it's still hard from time to time. Especially when I have a son that is #1 in my life and I feel that I failed him by failing in my relationship with his mother years ago. All I ever wanted was to give a future offspring a family life that was stopped for me at 12. It meant everything to me and I fought hard to keep the dream alive only to see it die. It's still dying and I have to see it in front of me in the form of my ex moving on and getting married, creating a family for herself. What keeps me going is focusing on moving on, focusing on work, exercise, friends, thinking about doing a sanctioned fight in August (the same month as the wedding) lol... somewhat serious there. I'm in a funny place right now. This comment will probably look crazy to others.
You certainly do NOT have to keep tears to a minimum. Don't ever tell people that. Don't tell people they 'have' to be strong. That right there ruins people. To get all your emotions out, and to cry is human, THATS what helps releases things. The greatest advice from a therapist (Not mine, but someone else's) is if you feel like crying, DO IT!!! You can take two hours trying not to cry, when you can take 2 minutes crying, and just letting it all out.And I'm sorry, maybe its because I'm not a parent, but I don't see why people put their kids first. Who was there before your child, oh, that person you made it with. But that's just me. Of course still love your child with all the love you can give, but when I see a perfect family, the mother and father come first. Because once those two split up, so does the family. Eventually all children move out of their parent's house, either out of hate, and 'can't stand to live with their parents' or because they are too grown up. Than they start asking for money, than eventually they want a car, and want this, and want that, and when they grow up, they expect you to watch their kids all the time. Ect. Eventually most kids abandon their parents. If I had kids, my husband would come first because guess who is going to die next to you? Your spouse... Guess what? Half the time an old couple will commit suicide after the other one dies. But than again, there are no such couples like that in our generation. Anyways, I totally went off topic, but yea.
You are right. When I was first going through the tough moments, yeah, I would cry. I just think that a later phase is when you try to accept and move on. It's a bit of a matter of choice, including choosing to feel or express specific emotions. Of course I loved the girl and would have wanted it to work out just as much for her and I as much as for my son.
I remember running... running through a forest, as fast as I can; being chased. I remember doing it often. Following someone, and trying to step where they stepped, so I didn't end up tripping over something. I've only done that once for sure though. And that was a more recent thing though. I was being chased through a forest. Just last year I think. But I've had these memories for ages. Since I was young.
A memory, or a dream, or just an old feeling. When I watch movies of people being chased through a forest, I suddenly 'remember' staring down at the ground, making sure I don't run into a hole, watching my step, making sure I don't slip.
When I was younger and used to play tag, when I'd get chased, I suddenly would get this fear of being chased. I'd freak out, and would run as fast as I possibly could.
I used to get this dreams of myself on a swing, wearing a white victorian gown... all I'd see was my dress and my feet, swinging back and forth.
Were these two different pasts I've had?
What color hair should I have next? The orange/brass needs to be changed. The white is going to stay white. (Even tho its not even white D< ) So just my bangs. Either Red (Not too crazy about, but I've never had red hair before) Green, turquoise, purple/violet, or give me a color. So just my bangs will be half black, half another color. There is white hair that also sits ontop of the orange/brass that'll stay white. (Very last picture)
Yes, I have already posted this on Craigslist, but I thought I'd try it here too.
I have 2 cats and a white german shepherd 8 month old puppy. Very hyper. Very big. MUST love pets!!!!
Looking to rent in September!
I'm looking for anyone with a house and a backyard for my dog to run around in, renting out a room or basement would be perfect!
I'm pretty down to earth, mostly stick to my room, crafting, and video games. Shy, but very friendly. Outgoing after a while.
Looking for drama free living space.
I do not smoke, or drink but I do not care what my roommate does. (Looking for a drug free home however)
I've had roommates before, and I have lived alone for a long time, just starting school in September so can't afford to live alone now.
Westminster, Arvada, Thornton, Littleton, Lakewood, good parts of Aurora, or Denver.
I work in Denver, and will be going to school at BelRea a little outside of Denver.
Sorry, but if you are renting out just one room, and are a single man over 35, I won't take it.
Hate my body, my face, my hair, my smile... Its ugly, all of it.
Tired of not believing.
Tired of not feeling good enough.
Tired of not being skinny enough.
Hate being alone. Hate always thinking about someone.
Not sure what I'm supposed to be living for. Just kinda here, with no purpose.
I want to go back to Britain...
And my father asked me if I wanted to go back. Well, considering we're planning of owning a pub there...
He even offered to have me move in with him if he moves to California.
I've had my chances to go to California...
And I don't even like Colorado, but something, or someone, is keeping me here. I don't know what. But I want nothing more than to move out of this state. There is not enough green here. The forests are all up in the mountains where you have to drive at least 30 minutes away. There are no random green fields. This state just reminds me of a year around dead farm.
I need my plants, flowers, trees, steams, rivers, fish, seals, crazy bugs and... Yea,... Nature freak.
Anyways. I have no idea what is holding me back. But I just have a bad feeling, or good I should say. I feel like I'm supposed to do something, or make a change, or meet someone important. And I'm not leaving untill I find out what this is. Or who it is, or what I'm supposed to do. But I hope its a great experience, and not a 'Now you've learned your lesson' type deal. I'm excited, but scared,... and I hope it happens soon. I hope I don't have to wait too long...