Just been having tons of computer issues, ever since Christmas and ever since I put Windows 7 on to my PC. Not sure what the heck it is yet. But I'm currently running CHKDSC on it now, so hopefully it'll clear some things up.
Currently using a laptop (which isn't mine and I'll have to give it back soon)
But I just wanted to let some of you lot that know me the reasn why I haven't been on in forever.
Antidepressents are weird. But I like it.
Its day 1.
Woke up next to my man and some lovely morning activities. Took ADHD meds and my first antidepressent ever.
Go downstairs and cook up some chicken, eggs, and rice for me and him. Not thinking "oh god, where is this going, what am I doing?" (In terms of our relationship) But I am still mad at him, he says if we make it official I have to promise to stop cutting and burning myself. I haven't done it in a long time, but I don't know the future.
About 10 minutes into cutting up the raw chicken, nausea hits me. I manage to finish cooking mostly, he finishes up the rest of it.
Take a bite of rice, thinking it will make me feel better, I puke.
He starts asking me questions about what I'm going to do about the meds and my Councillor appt today (he's a basket case too, its great cause we can share sleeping pills) I tell him to shut the fuck up because I feel like shit.
We say good bye and I drive back to my empty parents' house.
I sit around for a bit, feeling shitty. I call my doctor. He still hasnt' called me back. A few hours later, I eat a sandwich. I feel better now, but not hungry at all. This is good because I'm a fatty anyway.
Find out my ex has a new girlfriend via facebook. When he wouldn't even say he was in a relationship with me back in the day. I feel weird, like upset deep down, but no way of expressing it. So I just choose not to care.
I try to game on my gaming computer. I realize that last time, I set a password on it, and I don't remember it. I feel stupid, but not like its the end of the world. I'm downloading a torrent of a recovery disk, hopefully that will help.
I feel numb. I love it. I feel free. I let a fantasy of suicide creep up into my thoughts today. I didn't feel any relief. Was just like "oh, that would be a bad idea."
We'll see how I do when I don't have a day off. School should be interesting tomorrow.