So afew months ago I found an opportunity to make a sudden extreme career/life change. Got hired with a commercial seafood processing company up in Alaska. Packed up the essentials and left the comfort of friends & family back in New Hampshire. So far I'm loving the Alaskan experience. I now reside on a very small town that's based around a strong fishing community and tourism. Up here there are no fast food chains, there is no Walmart. Just a large grocery store, a bank, a handful of small tores and restaurants. Nothing major and not many people.
Everywhere you look you see large snow caped mountains, trees, wild animals, a beautiful ocean and the ever present smell of fish and seawater. It's worth mentioning how clean and fresh the air quality is here. Bald eagles soar freely and can be commonly spotted in your daily travels just feet above your head! It trully is beautiful here and like nothing else I've ever experience before. Never had so much appreciation for nature until I arrived here...
Now on a more personal note. I like the level of isolation here. The nearest big city is like 2.5 hours away? There are no alternative people here, no attractive women, I have no access to television and internet/phone is somewhat limited. I have no friends here, no family. I'm completly isolated from everything I know and far from all my comforts. This is the time and place for change. Both mentally and spiritually. This is where I stand face to face with myself and all my fears. Here nature will put my willpower to the ultimate test. In this cold isolated place nature will beat me down and put me in my place. I will come to understand just how insignificant I am - how small we ALL really are in the grand scheme of things. Here I will fall. If I'm strong enough and should I survive then I will rise again - one day.
I long for a place where I can put my social needs aside. No sex, no relationships, no crushes no marrage, no friends and no family. I'm here to work my ass off and make something out of my life. If I'm here long enough my heart will heal and I can put loved ones to rest. So? How long can you live without physical friends? How long can you live alone without a room mate? How long can you go without sex or a intimate relationship? "I don't know, I'll just have to find out the hard way,... But hopfully a long ass time!". They say that what does not kill you only makes you stronger; we shall see.
It's been just over a year now and already I feel like I've known you for most my life. We've had our arguements and we've gone afew months without talking, but. "YOU" were there before I met cuntface, you were there after, and even after pushing you away all these times and treating you like shit, still I have the pleasure of knowing you and talking to you everyday. It gets to the point where you define a major part of my life, and I just want to place you on a pedestal and preserve your eternally - in my heart. Sometimes you warm up and say a sweet thing or two, and it just makes me want to wrap my arms around you and hold you till my last breath.
These are the complications that eat at my conscious. I never expected things to end up like this. Your my best friend. You already have everything you wanted: a great job, a house, a new car and your happily married to a great guy. I'm not niev, I know its futile to dream and if I truly care about you, then I need to respect your status. Honestly I can do that, just felt it best to open up now and get it all out. But don't worry friend, cause I still cheerish our remarkable friendship, would not trade it for anything. Just know that the more I learn about you, the more we talk and the longer Ive known you, the deeper my feelings for you become.
I know this might throw you off but I'm actually enjoying my stay here in Alaska, and I'm strongly considering a long term move here. Career aside I think being as far away from you will encurage me to move on and kinda put these dreams behind me. Better to try and move on then dwell on something that makes no sense.
I hope your happy with him and dam I hope the Hell he wakes the fuck up and realizes how lucky he is to have you. You deserve to be appreciated, and loved. Keep your head up high and don't let anybody (me included) drag you down. You are doing so well, I'm proud of you. You are so intelligent, so creative, and tough as nails. Life comes around and smacks you down and you just get right back up and rebound to the top! You kick ass and you inspire me. Your a wonderful person and finding you was the smartest thing I've ever done.
I was pondering a trend as of late that i have seen. especially here on vf but other places as well. Age and maturity seem to be getting out of sorts.
I was wondering also if my page makes me seem less mature then I really am. Ive found that most people find me very reponsible, that i don't lack social graces, basically that I am a fine, bur possibly misunderstood young man. biggest flaws being a weak heart, and a rash temperment at times. (see byronic hero).
but back to point i was trying to make; i look at pages of people who say they are in their twenties, they appear to be of the right age, in fact their pages have been active for 4-7 years since their mid to late teens.... yet their journals, profile content, public conversations all appear childish to me.? Is it a result of growing old on my part or is it them lacking the ability to mature either in truth or at least appearances.
considering all this I might completely re write all my profile content to reflect maybe a more current post 30 me. I have updated it on occassion, few times a year adding a music artist or movie, or some such thing....
I'll add to what EnterDragon wrote. I and the spousal unit just bought a house. No shortage of adulty-big-boy type responsibilities with something like that. I believe the HR types call it a 'major life event.' At any rate, we were recently at the hardware store (big shock, having just bought a house, I know!). The spouse is looking at various flowers and plants in the front of the place which is boring me to tears. So I'm standing there staring at the little flat-bed cart he had me fetch. What did I do next? The obvious thing of course. Hopped on and tried to start riding it like a skateboard around the parking lot. Without even turning around, he just says "You're an idiot..." So I guess my long-winded response is basically to say that there doesn't need to be a Great Wall of China between being an adult but keeping your child-like tendencies in full vigor!
hahahaha just had one of those scam phone calls claiming they are from Microsoft in India telling me my PC is infected and they needed to RAdmin my machine to clear it out (yea fucking right). I have just broken my previous record for the amount of profanity in a 30 second time frame. I mean how fucking stupid do these people assume I am, and furthermore to assume I am even a Windoze user. Ha laughable.
Ok so I have been super inactive lately lol ok for months, but cut me some slack I have been busy. What's been going on... the usual, work, school work, exercise and video games. Nothing too crazy but all is well. Been having alot of fun lately though, some parties here and there and I hope to hit the family beach more then once this year because beers on the beach is a good time. Added cross fit to my work out routine and let me tell you, it kicks your ass. Cool news about this weekend is I'm bartending tonight instead if working security, that means alot of monies! Except for the fact that I don't know many drinks.to mix lol (I'm guest bartending the real bartender will do all the work) and then off Saturday and.night. but that's all I got, if any of you got a ps3 and are playing dead island Riptide add me its shadou84 I think lol.