so second weekend in a row I have not seen him. this time he says that e has to go with his dad. We had talked last night about what he was doing to me. Ignoring me leaving me alone with not a word bailing on me. He was right what he said last night he was hurting me. He is but I can't let him go he still is apart of me and I think he still likes me I wont say love anymore cause I can't tell if he does. I mea he kisses me but not like how I do. I have to ask him to give me attention, but its only done with half of his energy.
I have had guys fall in love with me and all I want to do was run away. I don't know if e is feeling the same way. I have thought about if he is cheating, but he is not that good at keeping secrets. I thought about cheating and when I do I feel sick, guilty and sad. I couldn't hurt him like that.
I just want to be loved like how I use to be with them hugging, kissing, tickling, something anything. I get nothing now.
So here is for the people who think in fake
My name is Morgan I'm 18 years old. Im a senior at North Dorchester high school. I run track and play field hockey. I was captain of the field hockey team and I am captain of the track team. My mother is a nurses father is an electric engineer in Ohio I have a sister who is married. I have two dogs and two cats. This is me I am real if you don't think so go ahead be dumb but when I prove it I'll laugh in your face.
Money.... I don't have any I don't act like I do I am a normal person getting by like everyone else. I have filled out 27 scholarships and have gotten nothing back. But it makes me made when theses other people get theses scholarships and will do nothing with it. Ya cool your going to a community college and doing what! okay ya et you GENEDs done well little secret the problem about community colleges classes wont transfer for instance math class wont you have a 3 out of 10 chance that will ever happen same with science class and they make you take more classes then what you should to get your degree they need to screw you over some how to get your money.
So girl get 20,000 dollars where does she go community college where you know she will drop out and do nothing with her life and I'll have to pay for her, her perverted boyfriend, and what ever offspring they have.
Scholarship have become a pity party focusing on people who have no money and then to other end of the spectrum the glamor one that were class president valid Victorian. You want to know something about my valid Victorian she is cheating on her boyfriend of three years because he can't get it up for her. Maybe it because she is messing around with the principles son and he befriends best friend. you know how you see people so cooped up in always being on top they were perfect and what not never really living life. Well she will and she'll drop and d nothing.
I will still be their paying off my college loans with my money with no help from anyone not like anyone will look at me I'm not poor and I'm not glamorous. I'm just me.
So I’m going to tell you about this girl that is so smart, but so dumb. She started dating this perv my 11th grade year and “fell madly in love”. Aka he was the only guy to pay attention to her and give her the ‘D’. Well little birdies from our rival school where he is from told me that while they were dating he was doing stuff three other girls. Now I wouldn’t spread this unless I knew it to be a fact and I do because he tried to come on to me stated talking dirty and sexting me. I told him to stop you have a girlfriend he kept on going. So I said fine I’m telling your girlfriend he didn’t text me after that. So I went up to his girlfriend and told her. Of course didn’t believe me even after I showed her the text and told her about the other girl all she said to me was “We’ll talk about it.” WHO THE FUCK JUST TALKS ABOUT IT! If it was me and I found out I would be texting pack your stuff get out of my house lose my number. But no.
Fast-forward now we are in our senior year we are at a conference and she tells my friend and I about how three months in their relationship her boyfriend cheated and said. “If I knew when he did it I would have broken up with him.” No hunny don’t lie to yourself or me I told you he was you just didn’t believe me. I could have called her out right then and there, but I was going to let her fall on her face.
Let’s go to now she has gotten a 20,000 dollar scholarship she could do anything with, but no she is going to a community collage to be close to him and live with her parents where his house yes his house that he doesn’t live in is only fifteen minutes away from the collage. WTF. You know people like me need that money for college you know what the hell like really she won’t use it all and she’ll waist it. 20,000 is more than enough to cover.
People like that make me mad.
So here I go
In school I sit at lunch with I guess you can call them the ‘book smart’ people. I have the girl who got pregnant at the age of sixteen is on again off again with her baby daddy and her high school crush. At this point in time it’s the high school crush, but there are rumors that she is cheating it wouldn’t put me past her that she is. Another girl is supper, supper smart her boyfriend however is dumber then dirt and thinks with his dick. She has gotten pregnant (twice) both time losing the baby (ies). I only put twice in parentheses because there are two stories to her having a miscarriage. I do not know which one is which, but both stories caused me physical pain to hear and that normally happens when I have to listen anything she says. Last there are two boys one I would say is the more street smart one them all and he thinks like I do about the whole bull shit three ring calamity that normally happens at lunch. With the smart one talk about how her and her boyfriend having sex explicitly, but I think she knows that she not the only girl he is screwing. I digress; the other boy is infatuated with the baby momma and is her high school crush. This guy is not dumb he is just holding on to a love that does just not love it the only thing comfortable and stable for him at this point in time. I feel sympathy for him that when she breaks his heart again that he should now use to picking up the pieces and start over.
I normally don't eat anymore because I loose my appetite.
(this is the shit hat reality TV doesn’t show you about true drama)
So let me begin about myself. I not normal, but I guess that’s why everyone likes me. I do not follow the ‘norm’ of what is socially acceptable. But in this day and age what is socially acceptable. I will be writing about what I see and feel and maybe you’ll feel the same and if you have other feeling I’ll be glad to hear you out.
I just want to write because I feel that I am so different from everyone and I want to be heard. Not saying it is bad that I am, but I don’t settle well I have four or five groups that I hang out with. I feel like I border line on multiple personalities. I just hope that my boyfriend that I love with all my many personalities will come to understand and love me more.
Attention everyone I'm inviteing any of you guy's who want's to come see me perform my first piano solo at the benifit concert at Edsel Ford Highschool which is our school talent show. I believe it's five dollors to get in and the money go's towards our performing arts department. The benift concert is on may 8th at 7:00. I am also inviteing any one who want's to come to our performeing art's instrumental concert. I'm in the orchestra on violin for that and it's free to get in and thats at the same place and same time but on may 15th If your interested and want too see it and need directions just let me know and I'll give you directions.
I might not be on for a few day's people because I am currently In the orchestra pit for the musical Babes in Arms for my school and have been staying till 10:00 at night in school For rehersal to get the music right because the show's are thursday night friday night then two more show's on saturday this week. So therefore I might not be on for a while till after saturday but till then I'll miss ya'all!
I sit and wait to see your face, but all I see is shame and disgrace. I look at you and you look back and say stop cry stupid girl, stop letting them get to you. I put my hand to the mirror and you pull my shirt and make my head hit the glass. Stupid girl you say as I cry
yes been interested in it for quite some long time now.
and its time to do something about it.
if any body knows a lot about it, please send me some links.
im not into that sex shit...
just torcher and humiliation
and things among that title haha
Hey! Wow! I know LOADS about it! sorry about the previous 2 messages, anyway I have been to 2 real life dominatrixes, you can make a lot of money cos they charge a lot. one was really fun but the other was awkward, she asked me to do something that's dangerous n not safe and I just did it - it turned out to be fine but she didn't have a clue, she was drinking whiskey at our first session. I've also done it online LOTS of times..... collarme.com and fetlife.com are two really good websites with dominatrix and slave personals on. you say you're not into to it sexually but just for torture and humiliation, that's great but all the guys u dominate will be extremely horny during it and they will want to cum. so either get them in chastity or good look. the 2 professional ones i went to allowed me to release so its sort of expected. i've got 100 humiliation and torture tasks / ideas which can be done online, real life, on cam whatever you wish and i can give you lots of pointers. i have experience being the dom (male dominatrix/master) and sub so i know things from both ends. BDSM is a huge part of my life Inbox me I'm happy to answer any questions - I have the answers to everything xXXxwhat kind of torture/humiliation ideas have you got? they can range from just a few clothespins on a naked body to ass to mouth, piss drinking, forced bi (lots of dominatrixes like forcing guys to be bi it seems but it's so difficult to even try as its so humiliating), chastity, whipping, spanking, writing SLUT on a persons body in marker pen....and some serious advice, even if you love the power and control DO NOT get into blackmail - yes its the ultimate thing in terms of power control and humiliation but it fucks up lives and they're being suicides over it and people going to jail.Good luck
start doing shoots agen
move to LA/Hollywood for a bit because san diego is not for me to slow.
so anyone living in that area and is looking for a roommate ....get at me.
shit but on the mean time im making dreads, going to sport them for a while...just neeed a new look.
so this should be exciding
Sometime's I feel not loved or liked I've been single for it seem's year's and also haven;t had a good friend in along time and like recently I belive that no one likes me or loves me for who I am so Im currently trying to find that one friend that's trust worthy or that one guy/girl that want's to be with me on vampire freaks so hit me up if you one to be one of those thing's then I will decide if your a trustworthy person or a person that catch's my attention.
iv never been accepted but in the end when i stopped thinking about what others thought i found more people like me.your beautiful dont think otherwise.beauty has nothing to do with what you look like your a beautiful person with a brain and yes you are beautiful on the outside,i read your journals your a loving and fun person dont let general public get you down