Man, things have been looking up. Since last sept Ive returned to my greatest skill, shredding up a guitar. Ive been playing since I was 13, but an Incident back when I was 25 changed things, In my depression I sold all my music Equiptment...and I do mean everything. At the time I was a member of a really talented half-band (still needed a drummer or Keyboardist, and a second guitarist...so unfortunatly it never took off and the single most talented musicians ive ever worked with moved to montreal..well wife leaving band leaving, sold everything stopped playing....7 years later I picked up a B.C. Rich Virgin, started playing and realised....I sucked...I could do a quarter of what I used to...so I kept at it, practiced, and worked hard to get my style back, along the Road Ive pickjed up more instruments.
My Dean Dime RAzorbacks, I had 3 sold one of em, then a Line 6 spider Half stack.....not a fan...
On Saturday I went to Long and Mcquaid....and decided to apply for a new amp....a fucking Mesa-Boogie Triple REctifier...the most powerful tube amp on the market....never ever thought I would ever own one....and the band im in, is in the middle Of Recording our 1st official demo....I am in a wicked mood.
You have no idea how happy I am that you started playing again and that I get to listen to your skill build up from the ground up. That first Dean you got back in September really started your comeback more than the BC Rich, and since then it's hit you with a vengeance. Now to find out how much better you sound with the Mesa. I won't ever forget the look on your face. <3
I came back for what, my brother to fuck kandi, go back to his ex and fuck up again?
To try and stay away from doing too many drugs as well as everyone else?
................
Pretty much.
Almost had a job, but I fucked up and realized it was too far and I am not stable enough for a morning job let alone one that requires you to work all day and after dark. I AM NOT DOWN!
So tomorrow the job search begins.
Even if I have to take james and kat with me.
These boys are so lazy but I am happy to have them.
No matter how much they fuck up and slack, I still love them.
But shhhhh don't let them find out.
Honestly. I need to start maning up and stop being such a fucking push over,
Things need to start going my ways, cause I am seriously done waiting on others.
From now on, either come with me or spend most of your life trying to catch up.
I have a great voice. It needs to start being actually heard.
AND IT WILL.
Back in Toronto and I am feeling like its home.
Just went for a job interview thinger, pretty sures I got it.
Been at Kat and James's house just smoking weed.
Making sure these fuckers are getting shit done.
I personally am having the time if my life no matter the drama.
Sorry if I have shit to much shit to worry about where I am.
This is some serious progress I am making for just me.
For those that have been there for me through shit.
I didn't mean to bring anyone else into my life,
My plan was to come back and fix things.
If you want to be with me through SHIT,
That is your bad, not mine, I tried to warn.
The life I live isn't for everyone.
Doesn't matter cause I am having fun and doing it my way.
Baby's black balloon makes her fly
I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking about tomorrow
'Cause you were the same as me
But on your knees
A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one?
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb
Eating twinkies, listening to the record player finally playing.
Cutting away at a mango, and jamming to metric.
gunna start yoga in a few.
Along with make a mission to the store so I can put myself together for the week.
Got some pictures for the house and I think I might print some more up for my room.
mmmh, I love mangos,
Why is she laughing about having old people chicken arms.
Good god dayum, I need to get in shape, 139. GEEZE!
LOL, Gunna look sexy when I am done, lol.
Then I am coming to rape you.
Serious shit. ;p
are you seriously complaining that u weigh 139 are you ill so u cant see ur ribcage big fucking deal have better self esteem nobody should really care what u look like they should care about ur personality
No .. I was complaining she was amused by the fact she is withering away. The fact that I am still unhappy with how little I weigh disgusts me. When people think I weigh like 90 I want to snap shit.
I do care about how I look. I want to be strong, have a toned ass and be able to run and fun shit like that, keep up with the boys. I don't like to be left behind.
I feel like I am going mental, I want to have a life that doesn't get out of hand.
but everytime I realize I am going out into the world alone, the crazier I feel.
And I can't bring anyone with me, no one can fucking handle anything about me.
Strangest thing about it is, it tends to bring excitement to my life, >.<*.
...It's like I can't live the safe sheltered life anymore.
I go crazy.
This is forever but it won't last long,
This is a memory that fades away in neverending
In the death of all that's long been said and done before,
We'll wish that we were something more
... That feeling when an old song suddenly plays as your iPod/Music device
is set on shuffle =O
Mood: In nostalgia Music: The Birthday Massacre - To Die For
you would think I could hold up a relationship...
but I can't, I can't even keep from wanting suicide.
It fucking sucks, I have to work on me now so sorry,
There are things I need to do on my own. even if it hurts.
So ya on this date last year I got a call at work from my mom telling me Lola
had passed away... Just a surreal feeling and it def took a few hrs to sink in =/
Ugh at that point hospital visits were a routine but on that day it was different,
you never came home to us...
I'm not gonna cry anymore over you cuz I know you'd just tell me to stop being a
baby lol... Anyways I just lied I got tears streaming as I type this out for
the freaks to see hahaha (last time I promse =P)
RIP Lola, I love you and I miss you
"And I see your face in these tears
In these tears
And I see your face..."
Mood: Ehh good but still have to acknowledge this...
