So today, I go to register for my classes early. The woman who came to get me wasn't even the person who was originally supposed to register me. She gave me a really dirty look and I could hear the bitchy attitude in her voice.
So I sit down and she's all like "Before we get started, there's something that we need to talk about that Professor whateverthebitchsnameis has brought to my attention. Have you read the dress code handbook?"
and I'm like "I can reread it when I get home...? O.o" I was kinda confused. I thought maybe she was gonna say something about my flip-flops because that IS against the dress code >.>
so she's like "The piercings and hair dye have to go. In this school, we also teach professionalism."
At that point, I kinda went into shock and felt like I wanted to cry. All I could say was, "Why didn't anyone tell me this before I applied to the school?" to which she had no response. she knows the answer was "because we want your money and weren't gonna risk giving that up over something as stupid as this."
I can't remember the last time something pissed me off to the point that I actually cried.
My entire time being in class and throughout the registration process, not one person told me anything about my hair and piercings. Even my fuckin' Medical Terminology teacher complimented my hair once.
I went home and looked in the syllabus and guess what? Under the dress code portion, nothing at all is mentioned about hair dye and piercings.
Also, the way she spoke to me sounded like if I didn't get rid of it, I could get kicked out. From what I read, professionalism is just worth 10% of the final grade in a class.
On top of that, if my hair and piercings are against the rules, wouldn't someone have fuckin told me before I took out loans, paid for books and started classes? How the fuck are they gonna randomly pop up with this bullshit in the middle of a semester and expect me to change my outward appearance just like that? This is not like changing a fucking shirt. A fuckload of time and money went into all this.
And the cherry on top: why the fuck didn't the teacher just say something directly to me? Why go and tell some woman I've never even seen before and let her talk to me like shit? I've been a great student this semester: did all my work even before it's due, never gotten less than an A on any assignment or quiz (in fact, I've only gotten an A once. everything else has been A+), never interrupted class, never been absent. I sit in the back of the class and do my work. I don't fucking deserve that at all.
I'm not fucking dying my hair black again and I'm not taking out my piercings. I can't wait to see this bitch on wednesday.
Mood: only bastards. Music: Rentrer en Soi - Blank Scene
I love him so much. But I'm used to the person I'm with to text or message me Nonstop . Its weird not having him do that...i always get bad thoughts but I try my hardest to think positive. I'll adjust sooner or later *sighs *
I’m sick of this feeling… This feeling that everything falls around you… This feeling that everyone around you is crumbling… And you just want to save them and protect them… But how can you do that? When you can’t even protect or save yourself from the demons that cloud your thoughts
I just wanna hide now.... I don't wanna face anything... Im not a great enough person to make it through i fail everything or i break it all trying
This feeling just eats and eats at me and i dont know how to stop it anymore, i really don't
just need to get a few things out of my system and organize my thoughts cuz I'm all agitated and anxious and conflicted and ranty
So I had my second psychiatrist appointment today.
Bitch pissed me off.
She asked me about my sexual orientation. I don't like labeling it because it literally changes depending on who I'm interested in at that moment. But to keep it simple, I told her "pansexual". I explained it to her and she's all like "that's bi-sexual ". So I brought up the stuffs about transgender, no gender, etc. She tried getting all smart with me talkin bout "From a scientific standpoint, there are only 2 genders. Male and Female, XX and XY chromosomes." to which I responded by telling her that she is referring to sex, not gender. explained the difference to her and she still attempted to defend her "point", failed, looked stupid and changed the subject. This bitch is supposed to be evaluating my mental-state and prescribing medication yet she doesn't even know the difference between sex and gender. REALLY?
Then she asked me about my biological father and I told her I haven't seen him since I was 8 but I honestly don't care. And she's all like "YES YOU DO! "
You don't fucking know me or my father. I am grateful that he is no longer a part of my life. He's a horrible person that NEVER had my best interest in mind since before I was even born. That shit almost made me lose it but I stayed calm and let it slide. -_-
So I managed to lie perfectly with the other things she asked me:
"Have you ever been hospitalized for psychiatric disorders?" "Do you ever think about hurting yourself or others?" "Do you see shadows or hear voices?" "Do you have suicidal thoughts?" etc. All of that went smoothly and she came to the conclusion that I do not have a "mental illness" and nothing more than a sleep disorder ...... until..
She asked me if I had nightmares. Telling her that I dream constantly about the world ending or that people are trying to kill me may not have been a good idea. On that alone, she's like "I think we can rule out narcolepsy. you might have a mental illness after all "
Regardless, she said that she couldn't properly diagnose me unless I did a sleep study. I mean, I guess if they were to monitor my brain activity as I slept, they'd see that I'm having nightmares anyway. and they're probably gonna make me write down my dreams. But I'm still not sure if I should have said that. My sleep issues have been going on my entire life, regardless of what was going on in my head. The constant nightmares are recent.
I don't fucking want to be put on psych meds. It won't help at all I know I can't be on Adderall my entire life either but I don't know what else there is to do and the bitch confirmed my theory that psychiatrists are fucking ignorant retards. They can't help me
On the bright side, I'll continue getting my Adderall and Ambien until they officially diagnose me.
there was no point to this journal really. thanks to those who read it. feel free to comment about whatever ._.
Mood: I don't even fucking know ._. Music: Feed Me- Cloudburn (ft. Tasha Baxter)
remember something midknight,those assholes in white coats are european and stupid. psychology is the art of bullshit and labels.i know. have dealt with them for years. i have PTSD CAT2 and also some other shit to go with it.i tell you this because i know and understand you in more ways then you will ver know.if you knew half the shit about me that i have been in, you would look at me and say why am i not dead or why didnt i become a alcoholic . understand me on this, i FUCKING HATE LABELS WORS
Lmao with all those questions she asked you, if that was me the would have either put me on some crazy meds or put me in a mad house. But probably a bad case of insomnia with narcolepsy XD therapists are also retarted trust me.
Haven't read a single response to this.That whole first part about gender & sex. Really couldn't give a fuck. lolol those questions are ridiculous but I guess necessary for a person like to be asking.You should've said you just watch horror movies constantly and stuff on the Science Ch. etc. lol "Yeahhh. Well, I have no life and enjoy watching this stuff so I guess it kinda comes back as nightmares. Oh well." The sleep study I think would be interesting. Hopefully they don't try shoving a bunch of pills down your throat...
I did tell her that! the shit is all over the media. even if I don't watch things a lot, things like that are advertised all the time. even when you don't pay attention to it, your subconscious mind can pick up on it and resurface in your sleep. it's proven -_- I think zombies are stupid as fuck but with all the constant talk of the walking dead and zombie crawl and blah blah, it's perfectly understandable that it would show up in my dreams