I'm talking to this kid and he's telling me how he does a line of meth before work whenever he goes in and how meth isn't bad for you and how it's good for you and how it makes him "happy" and helps with his "insomnia".
Really? That's how you wanna live your life? Good luck going anywhere. Because i've had people in my life who have been addicted to drugs and especially meth, and their lives went DOWNHILL.
Just saw malachit (spelling?) from suburban knights!!! I'm so fucking star stuck. Also, my sister showed up and is hanging out with all of us. I also met the man who hooked us u with the hotel room. Such a peaceful nice man. more updates to come.
It's this Demon of Some Sort, Always Crawling Back
May 18, 2013, 11:47:pm
Alex is probably too drunk and high to even want to remember me. I don't mind that he parties, I just get too worried. Since it's late, I doubt I'll hear from him for the rest of the night. Which, I'm not sure if he's coming over tomorrow. If he's not, I'll probably cry again.. All I have to do now is basically fall asleep and wait for morning to arrive for him to call me and say "I'm on my way", that is, if he's not too hungover. All day, I tried calming down, and doing exactly what he said to. Hide my phone and not check it. I spent all day relaxing and sleeping. I turned on my phone at nine to just talk to him, then Shane, Jewel, and Boe. I'm just so sad.. he barely knows how I've been lately.. like I felt so ugly last night, I want to quit modeling or something cause it's getting me no where. It's not like I have a photographer either, and I feel I do just as a good job..
But this depression, comes crawling back after I make it go away..
I smiled a little today. I was taking a picture to edit and I looked outside and saw a bunny just chilling in a hole outside my window. So, I took a picture of him. I just laughed to myself and wished I could cuddle with him.
A few minutes ago, a moth wondered into my room. I was watching it and it flew over to my arm. I let it dance on me and wonder it's way to my shoulder. It stared at me and I stared back. It was a beautiful midnight black and I told it that it was beautiful no matter what and had such wonderous grace. Then, it danced to my fingertips and I walked to my window to let it go. It didn't want to fly away and I said "spread your wings and skim the night sky, glorifying your beauty of being free to such a puzzling world" and it took off just like that. Then a june bug flew into my hair and I threw it out the window xD but as stupid and weird as that sounded, I was simply amazed in a way.. the depression though, has came back to haunt me..
Mood: depressed.. Music: Fatal Lullaby-Adrian von Ziegler
iPhone 4 came out first, so it doesn't run as good as the 4S. I'm kind of glad my iPhone 4 was stolen and had to upgrade to the 4S. In the long run, it's the best $300 I had to fork over to my dad. iPhone 4 doesn't have that "Siri" thing either haha. 4S does. Not that I have any idea what it does xD never used it.
My sister is the best. At the last minute she pulled strings and got my a hotel room near the convention. Now I don't have to worry about driving back late and tired. Today is going to be the best!! I'm going to try to blog and take as many photos as possible.
Who's ever lived somewhere, where they are NOTHING like anyone else that exists around you? Seriously, people in this place called "New Zealand" Nearly, define the complete opposite of what I am. And not in a good way, it's like... jointing a positive battery terminal to another positive, it just sparks and ignites. This is what I am to where I live. -_-
I remember how I hold my pillow tight and imagine the person I loved most being the pillow. I would often put my ear close to the pillow, close my eyes then tap at the pillow gently mimicking a heartbeat. I used to whisper her name and let it flow through my veins like wine. Just me and the image of holding her, listening to her heartbeat in the dark. I often cry when I think of it, too happy because I pray for that moment to come and I look forward to that day happening, but also too sad because I think how stupid I might look like if she knew I do those things when I miss her. I can't say those days are over, I still tap the pillow at night while imaging her sweet face but I try to lessen it. The stories I want to share, the places I want her to see, the things I want her to experience, the words I want to whisper in her ear, all are just hopeless follies. I do realize I will never hear her heartbeat, kiss her forehead, smell her skin or fell her lips with my fingertops. Slowly, I wrap that idea through my brain. Often forgetting why I'm trying to forget her. But it comes back to me, how love faded in her eyes and how I'm just a stupid boy with his stupid glasses expecting much from a child who do not understand love the same as I. I comeback to the thought that I know nothing. Loving and being loved, not easy things to achieve. But I smile, I laugh, I sleep at night, I eat, I take baths, I listen to music, do everything I loved to do even before she came. Life never stopped when she left. Life will never stop for anyone. I can stop my own life for anyone, but that would never change the fact that I will die a broken man, foolish and young. I smile to show myself that I can. I smile through the tears of holding a lifeless pillow with a beating heart, not because I'm crazy, but because I'm happy that someday that pillow would be replaced by someone who equally wants to hold me, and I might not be tapping my fingers to make her heartbeat, but I'll be the reason why she treasures every heartbeat.
Nine In The Afternoon- Panic! At The Discofriends Savannah, Joyelle, Vanessa and I didn't know what to eat from the choices of Burger King, Arby's, McDonalds and some hot dog place. We really weren't that hungry but we wanted something to eat anyway so we decided to go to all of them. First we went to Arby's and bought apple slices. The girl behind the register said, "What's your name?" I told her then she was silent for a second so I asked, "Well did you want my number too?" She laughed like it was a joke -.-! Then we left for the hot dog place and bought a toy from their quarter machine-thingy. The adults behind the counter were staring at us like we were unstable. Next we went to McDonalds for sweet teas and toys. I got a winx doll :3. And then we decided to go to Burger King to eat there but something totally different happened. We found the Burger King crowns and started acting like kings and queens. Then we decided it would be a great idea to play in the little kids play area xD. Just image 15, 16 and 17 year olds climbing through the tubes and sliding down the slides! It was so much fun until the manager came in saying it was an $100 dollar fine for playing in there if we're too old, so he left to call the police. I have never seen my friend Savannah run so fast! XD it was so funny. We ran to Vanessa's car and just hid in the hot dog place parking lot, laughing about the whole thing like we weren't doing something "illegal".
Mood: I feel high off happiness Music: Nine In The Afternoon- Panic! At The Disco
I promise I'm the one you can trust, even when I'm building up the pain. We're beautiful as a rainbow, I know that's right after the rain. But we're not trained, we all make mistakes. The strongest hearts collide, but not hard enough that we'll break. Cause my heart would shake, cold alone ill shiver. Rather be surrounded by your love, than drowning in my own river. I hope you're a fisher, ill always be the bait. To protect the one I love, ill put my life at stake . No in not insane, please don't judge who I am. Don't quickly throw me away, when right beside you I would always stand. You don't know how fast I ran, just to stay the person who you look up to today. Cause I know I'm just another guy, that another guy can replace. This isn't a race, I really hope I'm important to you. Cause all my life I've been dropped, tell me what else do I have to lose?. My hearts been abused, but I would put your heart first than mine. I hope that no matter what ill always be that first and only in line. I'm running out of rhymes, but I hope that you see. I'm not perfect, but I have a warm heart that people tend to badly treat. We're lovers against defeat, purr love will never fall from any hits. I love you today, tomorrow, ill ever promise you till infinity. Cause with that it never quits.