Knowing that you've lost someone dear to you hurts. Knowing that you're never going to be trusted by them again, be able to talk to them the same, or even have the same conversations hurts. Knowing that you've spilled your heart out to them, meant every word you've ever said to them with complete honesty, kills you inside when they don't believe in you any more.
Knowing there's been so many mistakes along the way that you're unable to mend destroys you. Trying to piece together what was there only to see it through a broken eye glass. Sitting alone festering in the feelings of what you once we're to what you are now kills. Hiding yourself from the world trying to mend a heart that's broken only breaks it further.
The sweet words carried by soft lips now turned stone and cold. What's been done can't be undone, and there is no forgiveness. My heart aches, and cracks with every breath I take, and every exhale feels like a stab. I can feel the weight of what I've lost bearing down heavily on my soul.
I tried to fix things, but I only made things worse. I tried explaining but I could never find the words.
I haven't been gone, I've been sitting in wait. Hoping maybe a streak of light will come through, but the clouds are dark, and it feels like the rain is never going to stop. They grow in size and number, billowing over this shattered home. This body that I have isn't perfect, my heart isn't either. I've been thrown against the rocky shores plenty of times, but this time I think my boat is sinking.
It keeps playing through my mind, everything that's happened. Every word, every memory, every feeling. I've replayed everything in my head and there's so many different things I could have done. I could've chose to lie about my feelings, I could've put them off. I could've waited for a better time. There's an infinite possibility of different choices I could've made along the way.
But now I'm stuck here in the dreary place. Everything feels cold, it all feels alone. It's all turned dark, from the thoughts in my head, to the warmth I had in my heart, to the good nature I had in my soul. I'm a broken man, and now I just sit in this dark space I call a home.