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Dec 29, 2016, 04:58pm
nikoniko97
I was wondering if there are any mothers out there that can ease my mind a bit.
I'm young, well i'm what is considered young. I'm having my baby in less than three weeks. I can't say i'm not a little worried. I'm not married but, the baby's father is reliable and were still together.
I'm in college, i work a part time job, i live with my parents, siblings, grandma, step sister and two cousins. I'm trying to move out of my house by next year march/may. I know it's going to be hard, i'm not looking for anyone to tell me it'll be easy or make a snippy comment about how i should've given my baby away.
But after the baby comes i'm going to get a second job, i'm going to be starting classes again as well. I was just wondering if there's any advice i can get. Or at least some proof that taking care of a baby is possible with two jobs and going to school. Because i'm worried i won't be able to do it all and still be able to see my baby everyday.
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Dec 29, 2016, 06:42pm
Shorty-Chan
I'm honestly not sure that taking all of that on can leave you with that much time, if any, to spend quality time with your child. You're only one person, and there's only so many hours in the day. It's great that you're ambitious, and it's a great example to set for your child, but you need to be able to assess what you're able to handle, as a person-not just as a mother. Post-partum, it's incredibly important to take care of yourself as well as your child, because you'll be in recovery as well as learning how to navigate the freaking minefield that is parenthood. Don't try to burden yourself with too much, too soon. You'll burn yourself out, which isn't good for you or your child.

I'm not saying that it can't be done. But I'm also saying that it's perfectly OK to admit you're not a superhero and that you have limitations.
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Dec 29, 2016, 08:39pm
nikoniko97
Lostabandon Shorty-Chan Thank you both! And yea i understand, i'm not really sure what my limits would be yet. I know i can take on family stress, work and school even with the little time i had to myself. For my health i'll try not to. And I just hope i can keep pushing with drive to do all of this and take care of my bubby. i'll figure it out but it helps to know it's possible
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Dec 29, 2016, 08:56pm
Shorty-Chan
Raising a baby is entirely different from pretty much any other kind of family-related stress. What you're used to, will be pretty much compounded by the addition of a baby, who takes priority over it all. All babies are different, and there's no way of knowing how they'll be until they're out into the world. I'd say, until then and until you can recover fully from childbirth, try and keep your plate as empty as possible to focus on yourself. I wish I had when I was fresh out of the hospital, but pushing myself too far, too fast caused me to have a mental breakdown when my daughter was around 4 months old. Self-care is SO SO SO important, but a lot of moms get told they're selfish for needing to take some time to care for themselves. It's not true, and don't ever feel bad for stepping back if you need to and saying "I need time for me."

I wish I would have taken more time for self-care and getting to know my newborn instead of running around frantic, trying to take care of the world.

And sometimes it's not just a matter of having the drive. You can have all the drive in the world, but life happens. Sickness, injury, financial struggles, the general mind-fucking sleeplessness that comes with having a newborn often times, life can sap the energy out of you. When it does, you just need to be able to prioritize what's most important and realize that it's not a failure to not be able to handle it all, all of the time.
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