Have you ever heard a song over and over and over ... and you can't get tired of it cause you're in a mood where that song actually suits you, and speaks for you ... and you feel like the song is telling the story of your life... and that it couldn't been told any other way cause it wouldn't feel right.
You hear every word... with tears in your eyes just asking yourself what the f*ck happened, when did it all get so messed up that you can't even control your own life. that all you want to do is go and scream everyone on their faces that you've had enough .. that they can't be like this ... that they're killing you ! and that they probably know it but they don't even care to do something about it.
cause you're just .. that... you're nothing, as if life can't get complicated enough.
but you let music be your therapist, cause you don't trust any of those doctors, you don't trust anybody but music, and all it's powerfull words... you don't even have to say anything cause just by listening it's already helping ... and as every word go by, you feel a little better. you feel like someone gets you and understand where your coming from, sadly as the song ends .. you lose all those feelings ... so? you play it again .. .and again ... and again ... wishing you could just play it forever.
is it me or just everybody picks the wrong day to screw you over? ... it's like they have a radar so they can know when you're having a crappy day and they can go and make it even worse, like all the things in this planet are working together on making my day miserable.
like it wasn't enough that i've been having fights these last couple of days... hey what u know maybe it's just me ... and maybe all of this is in my head ... or they right and i'm the jackass. but i don't like to consider that last option .. why would i? why would anyone wanna think they're assholes... i need to believe something else is happening and i'm not just a complete mess.
guess i need to keep searching for "the right place" ... see if there's a place where i can actually say i belong .. cause god knows i haven't felt that in like ... forever? i'm just ... i need some sleep.
I never get online on this sh*t ... and that's why this is perfect. basically i needed a place where i could speak my mind without having to worry about someone actually read it ... or give a shit, not that they do in real life... besides everyone i know lives in chile and can barely speak english so... i think i'm good.
what can i say about today?... well, one word comes to my mind. ENOUGH! ... i'm tired, tired of listening people scream, tired of the things they say, tired of people complaining at me ... i know i'm not perfec (f*ck it no one is) i know i mess things up a lot ... but is it really that bad? ... like am i really that worthless? ... sometimes i just wish i was living alone without anyone telling me i'm not good enough, or that i don't do shit when i'm actually working my ass off so i can get my college degree and be someone in life. people get so involve in their own shit they cannot see how much they hurt someone else with those words...
Sometimes i think u don't care about me... u never have and u never will, i feel like i just annoy you, and u would much rather not having me around... i really wish i could just make money appear on itself and get the f*ck out of here... get my own place and not having to depend on anyone who doesn't want to live with me ... i do things, i try to help... i try to make things right so u can be happy ... but none of that seems to matter, cause every single thing that i do is just a complete MESS! ... everything i say is just WRONG! .. and of course ... just cause i get home after 10 hours of college and work .. and i just wanna sleep .. I'M LAZY!
I'm so not the best example .. believe me I know! i don't want people to be like me .. sometimes i don't even wanna be me... but even i think your little attitude it's a bit too much ...
when people do things to try and make life easier for others ... and they won't apreciate it one bit, on the contrary they treat you like sh*t ... talk sh*t about you behind your back and complaing to everyone about you ... makes you feel ... like you don't even wanna live, like you just want to stop annoying that person and if i'm so wrong and helpless maybe i can do something about it and get the f*ck out of here .. for good. at least that way i could do the biggest favor to you ... for you not to see me again. maybe then i could finally get peace of mind and stop thinking i worth nothing ...
guess this is life right? ... well .. it sucks! but u should know that too right? .. anyway .. i'm out!
