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welle_error's Journal
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what a chaos
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December 02, 2008, 11:21:am
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Chester arrived here again last Friday. It's kinda hard to explain how much I feel for him, I feel everything, everything that's good! And he feels the same. Friday was really nice but Saturday we got a phone call, my grandpa was in the hospital again and this time things were really bad. I just had to go so Michael (his real name for people who get confused) stayed here and I went to my grandpa, only family was allowed. When we arrived a doctor took us to a family room and explained that he was in a really bad condition! He said that they were gonna move him to another hospital in Amersfoort, and at the moment he said that an anesthetist came in and said that it wasn't possible to replace him, he was gonna die this time. My dad, mom and me went to his room, he was in a coma, they kept him in because he would feel too much pain otherwise. He was just laying there, covered with a thin white blanket, tubes were in his mouth and all these crazy things were attached all over him. We just sat there, watched him, talked to him because maybe he could still hear us. We watched the monitor and he stopped breathing, and after almost one hour his heart stopped. It's really confusion that someone can still have a blood circulation while he's not breathing. Anyway... My grandma arrived (before he the monitors showed nothing anymore) and she was shaking and... yeah, I just didn't want to think about it how it must be to lose your 'partner'. And then my grandma left and my aunt came (they can't stand each other so it was for the best) and we sat there, we cried. My grandpa was like.. gray and purple and.. it's an image I can't erase that easily -_-'
This weekend with my hunny was just weird, but at least he could be here for me and I'm really thankful for that. He can make me happy even when I'm this sad. He hugged me when I got back, I had a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to... I'm so happy to have you baby!
We had to arrange a lot of stuff for the cremation and ... the usual stuff. We had to buy new clothes because nothing was funeral-worthy. I didn't went to school because I don't wanna be around those fuckers. The cremation is this Thursday, at 5pm. We got some music... Sailing from Christopher Cross, Family tree from Venice and Fields of Gold from Sting. My grandpa didn't have anything with believes or a god or something. So we thought these songs would be nice.
I can't handle my feelings, and I show nothing. I mean, I just lost a grandpa and on top of that my boyfriend left this Sunday. But at least I know I get him back! Get him back at the end of the month. That's such a nice idea, because... I need him.
What else could I say... Oh yeah, I got my report and I have 11 G's and 4 V's, which is really good ^^ I'm probably gonna do my education in 3,5 years in stead of 4
OH fuck I forget something. My dad was working today and he came home to drink some coffee and he said: 'Ohyeah, I had a little accident'. He showed us his arm and... what I saw was so gross I almost fainted. It was like a big cut from maybe 6 cm or something, and if you looked from aside you can look through his fucking arm! It happened at 10am and he just put a bandage on it. When he came home it was already 2pm or something. Anyway, my mom called the doctor and he got some stitches and now it's fine but he shouldn't let his work go for his health! He didn't want to go to a doctor because he was busy with a bathroom and if the kit would've dried it would've ruined it... We were all so angry, mjah, he explained he was not thinking clearly, which is logic because he just lost his dad.
+I'm not sending xmass cards this year because I could send 37 and get none back (like last year)
just so you know.
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snowwww
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November 23, 2008, 05:15:pm
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(I was already showered and prepared to jump in bed...
but we went for a walk)
and what do people do when it snows?
yeah, that's correct, they stay INSIDE
but not us... we loooove snow xD
it went from walking the dog, to a little ball, to a big ball...
to a bear... sort of... x')
that's Selwyn, my brother, in the pic
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Michael! I love u!
I hope it's snowing next weekend! 
5 more days...
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x')
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November 18, 2008, 01:24:pm
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Je kan beter maar depressief zijn,
en zielig...
want dan krijg je wel aandacht x')
ik ben liever gelukkig zonder de aandacht
dan verdrietig met alle aandacht...
fuck jullie! allemaal
(bijna allemaal  )
-----edit-----
chester komt de 28e whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ♥
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concertagenda '09
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November 16, 2008, 02:40:pm
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Oasis - Heineken Music Hall - wo 21.01.09 (35euro)
wie gaat?
en wie gaat er naar Kings Of Leon?
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me and chester
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November 09, 2008, 07:23:am
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ah it's not fair how fast time flies by when he's here! the waiting seems so long.
I was so happy he came to me again, this time he stayed for a whole week + 1 day ^^
we did so many nice things, and there's so many still to come.
I know that saying goodbye is never nice, but this really hurts in every inch of my body.
See him walk away from me, to the station, while I'm walking the other direction,
I saw him fade away, we waved one last time and I could barely see him.
It hurts so much to know that I can see him but not be on his side to hold his hand or anything.
He ran back to me to hug me one more time, oh I could run back all day long.
I miss you baby! I'm looking forward to the next times <3
in love for the last time
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