just.. a rant from me i guess Am physically tired.. and emotionally too so sick and tired of failing, never fully finished highschool, was kicked out of college.. can never seem to get a job, now, i'm failing as a dad and everything just seems to get destroyed around me! friendships, family.. even strangers, all i seem to do is hurt them, lose them. I can feel my depression is coming back, something it took me a good two years to take control off, even thought i'd have lost it to some extent.. and now it's there, reminding me daily, i'm a failure Everything i've spent years to build up.. just crumbles in an instant! I'm struggling to cope anymore.. struggling to get through the days, i just want to give up on it all and than i see harley, and for those two nights.. things feel better but at the same time.. worse, I love him so much and yet.. i feel so far away from him. i'm really losing him now, his mom want's to move away, further than i imagined, and that special bond i have with him.. some stranger she's dating is going to grow with him, no doubt even stronger than i ever could.. I don't even know when she plans to leave, i'm so scared when i take him home after my two nights.. am i gonna see him next week, am i gonna get to hold my little boy anymore.. I honestly can't do this anymore I don't know what to do, how to act.. always having to smile for those around me yet.. why? i have nothing to smile about anymore.. I'm sick of the act now and.. i just feel it's me crumbling this time. I see all my old friends, how great their lives are.. have them flaunt it into my face..
I'm losing everything.. but the loss of being able to cope has hit me hard tonight
SUPPOSEDLY if you’ve seen over 70 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you’ve seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, then put x’s next to the films you’ve seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom...
(x) A Cinderella Story () Another Cinderella Story (x) Step Up () Step Up 2 () High School Musical () High School Musical 2 () High School Musical 3 () Hannah Montana Movie (x) Enchanted () Sydney White TOTAL:3
(x) She’s The Man (x) Licensed to Wed (x) The Break-Up (x) 13 going on 30 () 27 Dresses (x) P.S I Love You (x) Made of Honor (x) What Happens in Vegas (x) Get Smart (x) The Princess Bride TOTAL: 12
() Camp Rock () Wild Child (x) Ella Enchanted (x) The Princess Diaries () The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (x) 50 First Dates () The Lizzie McGuire Movie () Hotel For Dogs (x) Just Married (x) Freaky Friday TOTAL:: 17
(x) The Hot Chick () Sleepover (x) Confessions Of a Shopaholic (x) Twilight () Nancy Drew (x) The Devil Wears Prada (x) No Reservations (x) Perfect Man (x) Australia (x) Never Been Kissed TOTAL: 25
Comedy/Humour: (x) Yes Man (x) Bedtime Stories () The Pink Panther () The Pink Panther 2 (x) Marley & Me () Cheetah Girls () Cheetah Girls 2 () Bratz (x) Haunted Mansion (x) Paul Blart Mall Cop TOTAL: 30
(x) The 40-Year-Old Virgin (x) Night in the Museum (x) Night in the Museum 2 (x) Evan Almighty (x) Bruce Almighty (x) White Chicks (x) Neverending Story (x) Meet the Spartans (x) Meet the Parents (x) Meet the Fockers TOTAL: 40
(x) Scream (x) Scream 2 (x) Scream 3 (x) Scary Movie (x) Scary Movie 2 (x) Scary Movie 3 (x) Scary Movie 4 (x) American Pie (x) American Pie 2 (x) American Pie Band Camp TOTAL: 50
Adventures: (x) Harry Potter 1: The Philosphers’s Stone (x) Harry Potter 2: The Chamber of Secrets (x) Harry Potter 3: The Prisoner of Azkaban (x) Harry Potter 4: The Goblet of Fire (x) Harry Potter 5: The Order of the Phoenix (x) Harry Potter 6: The Half-Blood Prince (X) Harry Potter 7 part 1: The Deathly Hallows (x) Harry Potter 7 part 2: The Deathly Hallows (x) Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (x) Lord of the Rings: Return Of the King (x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe (x) Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian TOTAL: 63
() Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark () Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom () Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (x) Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull (x) The Mummy (x) The Mummy 2 (x) The Mummy 3 (x) Journey to the Centre of Earth (x) City of Ember (x) Finding Neverland TOTAL: 70
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean (x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest (x) Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End (x) X-Men (x) X-2 (x) X-3 (x) Spider-Man (x) Spider-Man 2 (x) Spider Man 3 (x) King Kong TOTAL: 80
(x) Hellboy (x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace (x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones (x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith (x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope (x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back (x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi (x) Underdog (x) A Series Of Unfortunate Events (x) Batman: The Dark Knight TOTAL: 90
(x) Bourne Identity (x) Bourne Supremacy (x) Underworld (x) Butterfly Effect (x) Death Note (x) Death Note 2 () Death Note 3: L Change the world (x) Resident Evil 1 (x) Resident Evil 2 (x) I, Robot TOTAL: 108
(x) Rush Hour (x) Rush Hour 2 (x) Rush Hour 3 (x) Mission Impossible 1 (x) Mission Impossible 2 (x) Mission Impossible 3 (x) I Am Legend (x) Predator I (x) Predator II (x) Signs TOTAL: 118
Horror: (x) Saw (x) Saw II (x) Saw III () Saw IV () Saw V (x) The Grinch (x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre (x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (x) The Ring (x) The Ring 2 TOTAL: 126
(x) Final Destination (x) Final Destination 2 (x) Final Destination 3 () Ghost Ship (x) From Hell (x) Child’s Play (x) Seed of Chucky (x) Bride of Chucky (x) Gothika (x) Nightmare on Elm Street TOTAL: 135
(x) The Grudge (x) The Grudge 2 (x) The Haunted Apartment (x) Siren (x) Silent Hill (x) The Mask (x) Son Of The Mask (x) Alone () Omen (x) House Of Wax TOTAL: 144
(x) The Eye () The Eye 2 (x) Shutter (x) When a Stranger calls (x) The Fog (x) The Orphanage (x) The Skulls (x) Cruel Intentions (x) Cruel Intentions 2 (x) House of 1000 Corpses TOTAL: 153
Cartoons: () Lilo & Stitch (x) Ice Age (x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown (x) Madagascar (x) Madagascar 2 (x) Kung Fu Panda (x) Bolt (x) Wall-E (x) Monsters Inc (x) Shark Tale TOTAL: 162
(x) Shrek (x) Shrek 2 () Shrek 3 (x) Finding Nemo (x) ET (x) Cars (x) Ratatouille (x) Toy Story (x) Toy Story 2 (x) Toy Story 3 (x) The Incredibles TOTAL: 172
Inspirational: (x) Little Miss Sunshine (x) I Am Sam (x) The Day After Tomorrow (x) Coach Carter (x) The Last Dance (x) To Kill A Mockingbird () Conrack () Midnight Sun (x) Little Black Book (x) Hotel Rwanda TOTAL: 180
Classics: (x) Ten Things I Hate About You (x) Titanic (x) Romeo & Juliet (x) Frankenstein (x) A Midsummer Night’s Dream TOTAL: 185
[x] I love hoodies. [x] I love jeans. [x] Dogs are better than cats. [x] It’s hilarious when people get hurt. [] Shopping is torture [] Sad movies suck [ ] You own a car racing game. [x] You played with hot wheels cars as a kid. [] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter. [x] You owned a ds, ps2, ps3, n64, or sega. [] You used to be obsessed with power rangers. [] You have watched sports on tv. [x] Gory movies are cool. [] You go to your dad for advice. [x] You Hate Drama. [] You own like a trillion baseball caps. [] You used to collect hockey cards. [] Baggy sweats are cool to wear. [] It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. [x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. [x] You love to go crazy and not care what people think. [] Sports are fun. [x] You talk with food in your mouth. [] You sleep with your socks on at night. [] You have fished at least once.
2. My girl side
[x] You love to shop. [] You wear eyeliner. [x] You wear the color pink. [] You go to your mom to talk. [] You consider cheerleading a sport. [] You hate wearing the color black. [] You like going to the mall. [] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. [] You like wearing jewelry. [] You cried watching the notebook [] Dresses are a big part of your wardrobe. [] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies. [] You don’t like the movie star wars. [] You are/were in gymnastics. [x] It takes you around one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. [] You smile a lot more than you should. [x] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. [x] You care about what you look like. [] You like wearing dresses when you can. [x] You like wearing high heel shoes. [] You used to play with dolls as little kid. [] You like putting make-up on others. [] You like being the star of everything.
3. Appearance
[] I am shorter than 5′5″. [x] I have many scars. [] I tan easily. [x] I wish my hair was a different color. [x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. [x] I have a tattoo. [x] I am self-conscious about my appearance. [] I’ve had/have braces. [x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger. [x] I have more than two piercings. [x] I have/had piercings in places besides my ears.
4. Experiences
[x] I’ve gotten lost in my city. [x] I’ve seen a shooting star. [x] I’ve wished on a shooting star. [x] I’ve seen a meteor shower. [does naked count.. i don't own pj's ] I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas. [x] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator. [x] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts. [x] I’ve been to a casino. [x] I Always Get Mistaken As Much Older Than I Actually Am. [] I’ve been skydiving. [x] I’ve gone skinny-dipping. [x] I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. [] I’ve crashed a car. [] I’ve been skiing. [] I’ve been in a musical. [x] I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue. [] I’ve seen the northern lights. [x] I’ve sat on a rooftop at night. [x] I’ve played a prank on someone. [x] I’ve ridden in a taxi. [x] I’ve seen the rocky horror picture show. [x] I’ve eaten sushi. [] I’ve been snowboarding.
5. Relationships
[x] I’m single. [] I’m in a relationship. [] I’m engaged. [] I’m married. [x] I miss someone right now. [] I've Played With Someones Emotions On Purpose Before. [] I’ve gotten divorced. [x] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t. [x] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
6. Honesty/Crime
[x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t. [x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t. [x] I’ve snuck out [x] I’ve lied to my parents about where I am. [x] I’ve cheated while playing a game. [] I’ve ran a red light. [x] I’ve witnessed a crime. [x] I’ve been in a fist fight. [x] I’ve been arrested.
7. Death and suicide
[ ] I’m afraid of dying. [x] I hate funerals. [x] I've thought about how I would die. [x] I’ve seen someone/something dying. [x] I've had a near death experience. [x] Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide. [x] I’ve planned my own suicide before. [x] I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
8. Random
[] I can sing well [x] Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant. [x] I open up to others easily. [] My Parents Are Divorced. [] I watch the news. [x] I don’t kill bugs. [x] I sing in the shower. [x] I am a morning person. [x] I've been abused. [x] I paid for a cell phone ring tone. [] I am a sports fanatic. [x] I twirl my hair. [x] I care about grammar. [] I have “?”’s in my screen name. [] I’ve copied more than 30 cd’s in a day. [x] I bake well. [] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange. [x] I would wear pajamas to school. [] I like Martha Stewart. [x] I know how to shoot a gun. [x] I laugh at my own jokes. cause they’re funny [x] I eat fast food weekly. [x] I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class. [] I can’t sleep if there is a spider/cockroach in the room. [x] I am ticklish. [x] I love white chocolate. [x] I bite my nails. [x] I’m good at remembering faces. [x] I’m good at remembering names. [x] I’m good at remembering dates. [x] I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
Like i said, i wont be online AT ALL tonight, so if it says i am or, if yahoo signs me on.. IT IS NOT ME! i got this weird feeling someones going to log on as me or something tonight...
] I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
kinda..