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to_the_end_666's Journal
my thoughts.................
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allergys make me feel shit
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October 22, 2008, 05:42:am
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so, i am allergic to something in a big way but we still dont know what it is.
i have had things swelling up, rashes and stuff for two weeks. first my hands, then my tongue and throat, then even my feet swelled, a rash on my back and chest. its wel itchy. i am taking steriods, 2 types of piriton, 2 creams, and i have to carry an epi-pen just incase my air ways close up.
i have had 1 blood test, and need another one in 4weeks. i was in A&E on sunday morning. i feel a bit like a pin cushion at the moment.
i never used to be allergic to anything. and when i hit about 16 i started to be allergic to shampoo, soap, perfumes, i got hayfever etc etc.
and now this, we write down everything i eat and everything i do, to see if theres a pattern but nothing so far....
any suggestions....but im sure we have already thought of everything...
Mood: poo
Music: mcr
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Matthew my fiance
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April 15, 2008, 05:04:pm
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well, i thought i would write a little blog on here about the one light in my life. Matthew Gillham. He is the most incredible thing in my life.
been together 9months and 2days. some might say thats no time. i dont care, it has been the best 9months and 2days ever. He is kind, caring, loving, mushy (altho i am the only one who see's that side) sexy, thoughtful, he looks after me, hes considerate, theres like a billion things i could write here about him. i think the world of him ,i really do and i look up to him as well actully. he has been through some sticky situations and he has pulled out the other side. He is extremly strong, although he might not think it.
We think the same, we like the same things, we finish each others sentances etc etc
Before i met him i was in a right state. God no's why he even came anywhere near me. lol, but he did and the rest is history as they say.
Matt if you read this, i just want you to know, i think about you every second of the day, when im not with you i feel like im missing part of me, you have taken my life and made it a zillion times better, i love you with all i have, and i always will.
XxXxX
Mood: loved
Music: Aiden - Believe
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just feel like shit really
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January 10, 2008, 06:37:pm
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in these things i only tend to write about gigs and cool stuff but im a bit fed up and i dont want to moan at anyone.
i dont no i feel like im going round in circles. and i feel so ungreatful, i have a home, a great family, an amazing fiance, everything i need. ok, i would like a job, but for now im ok. just about enuf money.
all i can think of is cutting. i want to take a pair of sissors, or an artists knife and run it across my arm. i want to feel the pain and see the blood. i have big mood swings at certain times and this one is like a wave of shit coming rite at me. and i cant control it. the doctors cant do anything but put me on anti depressants which i refuse to do coz i dont want to be addicted to them.
i swear im going to freak out any day now....i really am, and all it is guna do is upset my fiance and my mum. my mum is well proud that i am not cutting and all i can think about right now is digging a blade rite into my arm. nice. not.
i dont no wat to do.....
its not like anyone can do anything...
i just feel a bit lost i guess....
u duno..
Mood: shite
Music: nufin
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