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thenewvampyre's Journal
The Life and Dreams of TheNewVampyre
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Morals
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July 01, 2008, 03:05:am
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So for the past 5 years of my life, or so, I’ve been following a certain set or morals for myself. They’re simple enough for anyone to understand and so far, I’ve kept myself to them pretty well. For those who know me and even for some who don’t, you might have already guess that I’m talking about my dedication to Straight Edge. I live by a simple set of morals: Don’t Drink, Don’t Smoke, Don’t Do Drugs, Don’t Have Promiscuous Sex.
I’ve never touched a beer in my life, the only smoking I’ve been exposed to is 2nd hand, drugs just plain suck and I’ve only had sex with one person my whole life.
Lately, however, I’ve been questioning this decision in my life. What have I missed out on by following these morals? Am I really putting up a barrier around myself, am I really being closed minded about the things that most consider to be “fun” in life? What will hurt about taking a few sips of vodka? I’m 21 soon, why not? What more will I relaize about this world once I take a pill of ecstasy? I’ve heard so many stories about people becoming more open to themselves after being under the influence of this drug.
Sex. I hold sex extremely high in a relationship. After my break up with Moxie and a discussion with Dani, I have a new rule: no sex with a girl until at least 6 months into a relationship. But am I holding sex TOO high? “If it feels good, do it,” right? Well I do enjoy sex as much as the next guy, I’ll tell you that much. So why not have a couple hookups? No stings attached sex. Not to toot my own horn, but I do know a few people who wouldn’t mind having sex with me.
Hey, if I’m going to throw one of my main morals out the window, why not throw them all? I’m not saying I would become a crazy drug addict, maybe just experiment with the lesser of the evils. If I were to tho, it would have to be with someone I completely trust and I don’t trust many THAT much.
Just my mind wandering. Not saying I am going to do these thing. Just wondering what have I missed by making this decision. I have this tattoo on my back for a reason: to keep me true and true I will stay.
The question of “What If?” plagues me.
Mood: Questionable
Music: Tiesto - Elements Of Life
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It's about this time of the night
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June 25, 2008, 06:16:am
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When my emotions return. I think about everything going on in my life and all my friends, my passions, my secrets and dreams.
During the day, I wear a smile all day. Cover up anything going on in my life and just put it away for the moment. I hope it never returns, but always does.
I think about the girl I am infatuated with and how I know it prolly won't happen, but yet i refuse to go for anyone else unless I know for sure.
I think about my music and my DJing and wondering where it's taking me. It's been forever since a song has moved me to tears. Since a song has encompassed me fully and gave me a true rave experience. I miss the feeling of just letting the music take me somewhere. I need to reignite my spark for raving and let the music guide me again. I need something new to take me on a journey.
There have been a few secrets that have been eating me up. I know I have to tell someone and I know who I want to tell but I need to wait for the right moment.
I'm more than just happy little DJ spear. I'm also a person. I'm not perfect. I Don't pretend to be. I ignore things that don't directly affect my existence. This is who I am.
What Am I Becoming??
Mood: Emotional
Music: Happycore
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Moving to Australia?
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May 20, 2008, 12:20:pm
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For a while I've always wanted to immigrate over to Australia. This has been a dream of mine and have always kept it at that, a dream. But after today, I am seriously considering the option not long after a graduate.
I think it would be an awesome thing for me; start myself over in a new country.
Opinions?
Mood: Adventurous
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I'm Liking It
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May 03, 2008, 04:35:am
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I’m not sure what I’m doing right. But everything seems to be falling into place for me. For the first time in a while, I’m truly happy. My financial situation might suck ASS but that’s really not on my mind at all. There’s really one thing on my mind alot. I can’t say what it is tho. . I might say what it is later on tho. But for now it’s just chill.
My breakup with Moxie has taught me alot about love, life and happiness. But it has alot taught me how to deal with a great loss and be strong. I was hella freaking out after her and I broke up. I was a mess and couldn’t stand myself. Or her. Longest relationship I’ve ever had and It went to dust.
But I’m happy for it now.
No use living in the lie she served me. I know my love for her will never go away. You can never stop living someone. She will always have a place in my heart because that’s what love is. It’s someone being a part of you that you can never let go.
This I’m dreading to say. But I do feel that it’s the truth after I look at what has gone down. After a long discussion with one of my good friends I came to realize that Moxie never loved me. I know it’s the truth. You can’t just STOP loving someone like she told me. Love doesn’t work that way.
I lost my virginity to her. That’s how much I cared for her and I do not regret it. It was something I felt and was ready for. I realized this also after that discussion. Every time her and I made love. She stole a little bit of my soul with her because she never cared. I gave it to her and thought she was giving some of her to me but she wasn’t. She was stealing mine and keeping it for herself. So now she will always have a small piece of my soul. And even tho It’s a small piece. Still hurts the same now knowing that.
But all the while.
I’m happy it happened.
Mood: Happy
Music: Hardstyle
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