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rook_andthe_ankh's Journal
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most beautiful?
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October 18, 2008, 01:23:pm
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im tired of being invited to those rediculous beauty cults. especially with apps, that have so many rules just to turn in the apps (and half of the stuff i dont even know how to do). I got invited to VF's most beautiful apps. and at first it was kind of like cool cuz it was a personal invite not a mass one. and she said youve definately got the looks now lets see the personality. i know for a fact that i have more personality in my fucking pinky finger than all of them do in their whole body. Then i go apply and they reject me because i didnt do everything the aplication said. i copied and pasted it but i didnt give all thier members a 10 (fucking earn your ratings) and i didnt post a pic of me (come on to my profile thats what i made it for!) and that made me feel like i wasnt pretty anymore (and i know i am im just not vain!)
oo those things make me so mad. im never doing one again. there just filled with stupid girls who care only about image and nothing else. Stupid people.
Mood: annoyed
Music: Celldweller
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Naughty Quizzz
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October 16, 2008, 08:25:pm
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Naughty Survey:
Your Name:
Age:
Favorite position:
1. Do you think I'm cute?
2. Would you have sex with me?
3. Lights on or off?
4. Would you have to be drunk?
5.Would you take a shower with me?
6.Have you ever thought about having sex with me?
7.Would you leave after or stay the night?
8.Do you like cuddling afterwards?
9.Condom or skin?
10. Have sex on the first date?
11.Would you kiss me during sex?
12.Do you think I would be good in bed?
13. Would you use me as a booty call?
14.Can I use you as a booty call?
15.Can we take pictures of the act?
16.How long would we have sex?
17.Would you tell your friends about me?
18.Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
Mood: Happyness
Music: nothin
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felix the story
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August 04, 2008, 06:46:pm
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im not sure if anyones been keeping up with the story but this here is the final copy so enjoy
Felix
I did it. I actually did it. I never thought I would make it this far but here I was, in England. My stupid plan that I had thought up in math class had worked. I had bought plane tickets behind my parents back with their credit card online one night, and I had gotten up supper early and walked to the shuttle station that would take me to the Phoenix airport. And I had flown form Arizona to London, England, without a problem!
Now sitting in a section of English airport chairs, I started to see my unbelievable stroke of luck. There could have been a problem with every step I took, but somehow, my klutzy self had pulled this trip off. Wow! Well . . . now what? Getting here was only part of the plan. I hadn’t really put any thought into what I would do once I got here, because I didn’t think I would actually succeed. Ok think; I know why I came here. I came here to find him. But how would I do it? Walk around London and hope to see him? No. I guess that I should call him and at least tell him that I’m here. Maybe he will have an idea of how I can find him or what I should even do. Would he tell me to stay here and would he come to get me or would I have to get a cab (or whatever they’re called here) and find him at some local café? I had no general knowledge of England so there were lots of possibilities.
I reached around to my back and removed my backpack. It was the only thing I brought with me on this whole trip and contained only a set of clothes, some granola bars, my wallet, a passport and my phone. I pulled it into my lap and started rummaging through the small front pocket. I found my cell phone and flipped it open. Of course there was no service; I was in a whole other country! I stuffed it back in the backpack and brought out my wallet. All the money I took with me I just recently changed to Euros at the Foreign Exchange counter. I opened up the little zipper inside and dug out a few silver coins and got up in search of a payphone.
I zipped up my back pack and swung it around my shoulder again and stuffed my wallet in my back pocket of my black jeans. I must have looked very interesting, because I saw a few people stop to watch the red-haired girl who was wandering around the airport with her fist full of change. Finally, I spotted a phone and ran to the spot. I stuffed the coins down the thin slot without knowing how much they were worth or if I even had enough in there to make a call. The dial tone rang its sweet empty hum in my ear and I sighed with relief. Thank God. I started punching the buttons that made up his phone number. I knew it by heart because the two of us had been talking on the phone every night for the last two weeks, and usually I was the one that called him. We grew tired of the I.M.ing and chatting over the internet, and decided that it was time to swap phone numbers for some more personal talking. Since then we had become a lot closer over the phone.
I waited for the ringing to start. Oh yay, it was ringing. I stood there hoping and muttering “Oh please pick up, please, pick up . . . pick up . . .”
“Hello?”
My heart jumped up in my throat. “Felix?”
“Yes?” He said. I couldn’t breathe. I was always happy to talk to him on the phone and I always got excited, but not like this. I felt like if I said anything about the situation it would all come crashing down on me and I would never be able to see him. Like it was my mom in disguise on the other end of the phone.
“Who is this?” He said in response to the silence. Oh just say something damn it, I begged myself.
“It’s Tess.” I said letting out all my breath in those two words.
“Oh! Hey, how are you?”
“Oh I’m great, hey guess what.”
“What?”
“I’m here.” I took a deep breath then slowly let it out, waiting for his reaction. There was a second or two of silence and then,
“In England?”
“Yup. In England.” I smiled knowing that he either didn’t believe me or he was just shocked.
“You’re kidding!” He waited for my answer.
“Nope I’m not kidding. I’m really here. I’m still in the airport actually. I’ve only been here for about 20 minutes. And I was wondering how I can get to, uh . . . see you.” I swear I could hear his eyes widen and a smile spread across his face.
“Holly shit! You’re really here? In the airport?”
I started to laugh “Yes I’m here, in the airport, really! Now, what do you want me to do?”
There was a pause on the other side. Maybe he was thinking of what to do, just like me.
“Which airport are you in?” Oh yeah, I had totally forgotten that there was more than one airport in London. I tried to remember which one I had arrived in, the one that the pilot of the plane had told us we were flying into.
“It’s something like heat or heartford.” I said uncertainly. I hoped he could figure it out. I had no way of finding out because I couldn’t go anywhere; I was at a payphone.
“Heathrow?!” He blurted.
“That’s it!” I shrieked “Thank goodness you knew what I was talking about. Now that we know where I am, what should I do?”
“Just stay right there! I’m coming to get you.” I heard some things shuffle around in the background, like he had just stood up and tried to put a shirt on. Ooh that was a nice thought; Felix shirtless. I already knew basically what he looked like. I just imagined it for a second and realized that I would not have to visualize much longer. All the images he had put up on his profile, and sent to me, were gorgeous even with clothes. And very soon I could see the gorgeousness without the clothes. I was pulled out of my fantasy and back to the conversation when Felix said “Where are you? I mean where are you, in the airport?”
Everything, this, getting to finally meet Felix, was actually happening. It was like a dream coming true. The conversation continued and I told him I was at a payphone and what I saw, and we soon figured out where I was within the airport. Felix gave me lots of directions, which had to be repeated many times, on how to get to one of the entrances for the arrivals, and then he asked me about luggage. I laughed. He gave me a specific exit to find and then told me to wait outside, close to the door.
“I’m wearing a purple tank top and black skinny jeans.” I told him.
“Oh, okay thanks that should make it a lot easier to find you.”
“Ya there are a lot of people here. I’ll do my best to be right out where you said.”
“You can find it, I promise. If you get lost ask someone. I’ll see you in a minute. Bye.”
“Wait! What time is it?” I said quickly.
“It’s 3:37.” he said. “I’ll be there in about half an hour to an hour.”
“Okay, see you then.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.” I hung up the phone. A coin fell down in the change slot and I scooped it out. I felt like making another call to my house to tell them I was okay, but decided that I would call them when I got to where Felix lived. Now to find the exit before I forget any of the directions.
I fallowed the directions and orders like my life depended on them. I just about jumped for joy when I spotted the exact door he told me about. I stood right outside the door like he said. I didn’t want to sit on the ground (because I had just been sitting for roughly 10 hours) so I just leaned against the concrete wall. Other people were coming in and out of the same door and I wondered what their stories were. Like mine story was that I flew here without my parents knowing. Some people that came out were looking for a cab and others were just waiting around for someone they knew, like me. One of them caught me looking at him and I just kept staring at him. I didn’t really notice because his story was being made up in my mind. He was a traveler. Coming back from an exotic place, like Mexico, and he was glad to be home because even though Mexico was beautiful, he had something even more beautiful here. He had met a girl a few weeks ago and he was planning to see her when he returned. He thought she was the most beautiful thing in the entire world, and nothing could compare to the love he had for her. And his love was strong; he knew in his heart that he loved her more than anything else and that he would be willing to spend the rest of his life with her. It was nothing like me and Felix; we knew we had a thing for each other but it was nothing like this deep love. I started to envy him because I knew that if the lady knew about how much he adored her she would definitely marry him. There was no question about it. She had been waiting for someone exactly like him to show up in her life. Just like Felix had for me. I whished that I could have a deep love, like they did for each other, for Felix. Why couldn’t we share that feeling of ultimate connection and love? Maybe we would one day.
Suddenly I realized that I was actually scowling at the man who had his back to me, because of the envy I was creating. That story wasn’t real, what was I getting so upset for. I had nothing better to do than make up people’s stories because I was stuck here waiting until Felix came. And I was without music; I hadn’t brought my ipod. If I had I would have been listening to The Birthday Massacre. I started to pick at my nail polish. I was bored but still extremely nervous. I watched every car that passed hoping that it would pull up and I would see Felix get out.
It was starting to get later in the afternoon. The sky was a light gray and overcast, not enough to rain though. Just looking into the sky was a beautiful thing. It seemed as if I had left all my problems behind and now nothing could bother me, because I was in this beautiful place. From what I could see it had a very old feel to it but it was still beautiful. I could see green already and that was an instant attraction because Arizona had no green. Just imagining old churches with steeples, brick buildings with the green all around them, and row houses, with rain drizzling the whole time was great. I sighed; I was going to love it here. The whole week that I would be here (or supposed to be here) I would be so in love with this place, and unfortunately I knew that each day in this wonderful place was only drawing me closer to the time that I had to leave. That was a downer to my lovely and perfect vision of this trip.
I decided to be daring and ask someone for the time, because my phone had no bars. I scanned the people around me for a watch or a phone. The man who in my mind had just come back from Mexico was still standing in front of me, and I could see a watch on his wrist. I pushed myself off of the wall and slowly walked to his side.
“Excuse me sir,” I said trying not to startle him, “do you have the time?” He looked at me, still a bit surprised, and said,
“Sure, uh,” I was surprised by his accent. I forgot that people here had that British accent that I wasn’t used to. The man looked at his watch and said “4:21.” I smiled, said thanks, and slinked back to my spot on the wall. It was getting close to an hour since I had talked to Felix. It had taken me a while to find the exit so I had probably been waiting here for only a half an hour. I sighed again and closed my eyes, whishing he would get here.
It was a little humid, and I hoped it wasn’t making my hair frizz. I didn’t want to look bad when Felix showed up, and frizzy hair would just ruin it. My mind went into what-if-worst-case-scenario mode: what if I have a zit, what if my breath smelled bad, what if I smelled bad. Shit, this was not the time for this. I took a deep breath and exhaled. It was, however, a great time to think about all the things that I should have brought with me, that I didn’t have now like a mirror, body spray, and gum. I turned around to go back inside to find a bathroom, (not that I would be able to fix any of the problems that I just thought of) but I remembered that Felix had told me to stay there so he could find me. Then I noticed something that made my heart slow down to normal speed again. The door that I was looking at was made out of glass, and I could see my reflection in it. I quickly checked my hair and eyes. My hair wasn’t frizzy, thank goodness, and my makeup was flawless, even after the nine hour flight from New York to London.
My heart was beginning to pound now. Time was almost up for Felix to get here based on what he said. I wondered if I was at the wrong exit, or if something had happened to Felix in his rush to get here. I continued to look at the cars passing, watching every one for some motion that indicated it would pull up to the curb. I tried to remind myself of everything that I had asked Felix about in that one online conversation. It was about what would happen if I ever came to England. I asked things about his car and about what he would wear and what we would do once I got there.
Then I saw a small black car pull up to the curb. It was sort of round, and right in the middle of the thin front grill, in a little blue oval, white curvy letters spelled out the word Ford. I stood rooted to my spot, eyes wide with anticipation; it was the “black Ford KA Luxury with the cream interior” that he told me about. That was the car that I had searched for images of on the internet so I would know what it looked like. The car that the guy of my dreams owned, and would be stepping out of. I saw someone moving in the car on my side (oh yeah, I forgot that they had the steering wheel on the right to). The man with the watch stepped forward and blocked my view of the opening door. I would have quickly looked around him, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe; my heart was in my throat blocking all air flow. Once the man had taken another step he was completely out of my vision and looked straight forward at the tall figure who had stepped out of the car. He was wearing a black T-shirt and black jeans, with a leather jacket, just like he told me he would be. I scanned the rest of him quickly: black nails, red shades, and boots. Everything matched the description he had given me all that time ago. His long brown hair touched his shoulders, and his hands hung at his sides; he seemed to be frozen just like me. He was staring straight into my eyes and I felt like his stare poured into me. It was him. Felix. A smile spread across his face because he knew he had found me and was looking at me, for real, at last. And with that smile, joy overwhelmed my nervousness in one powerful swell and I broke the staring and sprinted toward him. With the last step I leaped up and jumped on him, wrapping my arms around the base of his neck and my legs around his waist. Felix wrapped his arms around my back and spun around with me a few times, laughing and smiling. I buried my face in his neck and inhaled, smelling the leather jacket and his skin and knew that nothing was holding us back from each other anymore, and that we were finally together. I was beyond happy, almost to the point of tears and wasn’t thinking of anything else at that moment except him. I was here, in his arms, the place that I had craved to be for the past year.
He stopped spinning and leaned back against his car. I could feel the window pressing against my crossed legs. One part of me wanted him to put me down so I could look at his face and into his eyes again, but the other part didn’t want to be let go, in fear that we would never have the chance to do this again. I clung tighter and I heard him say
“Oh, babe” His voice was like liquid gold, light but forceful with a heavy, metallic, British, accent. He reached up with one arm and put his hand at the back of my neck to pull me closer. His hair brushed the side of my face and I remembered how much I liked that he had long hair. “I’ve wanted to see you so bad.” he continued. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this, or how happy I am to see you.” I pulled my head from his neck and looked at him again. Our faces were so close, and our eyes were locked again.
“I think I do.” I whispered. I could barely speak with his eyes flooding my vision like that. A whole romance scene, like the ones form cheesy, library romance novels, flashed through my mind. All I wanted right now was to be consumed by Felix; by thoughts of him, by his car, by his smell, by his eyes, but I was being distracted by my wandering mind. I was such an idiot. I’m not sure if Felix could read my mind or hear my thoughts, but he did do something I hoped he would. He kissed me. As soon as his lips touched mine, all my thoughts were lost and everything around me just seemed to fade away. His lips touching mine was the greatest feeling in the world. My heart beat sped up to a million miles per hour and didn’t show any signs of slowing down. His kiss was filled with passion, longing, and happiness. I could feel all of that coming from him. His lips were soft against mine and I thought I would melt. The tenderness of it attracted me to him and I started to pull closer, wanting more of his kiss. I pressed my lips against his, and pulled closer to him making the kiss more passionate. Time seemed to stop, and now it was just me and Felix; no one could bother us, nothing could stop us, just me and him, held together by our limbs, lips, and love.
He pulled away and broke the kiss. All the thoughts and the feelings that the kiss created went away, and my body, my mind, and the time all came crashing back to reality. I hadn’t wanted to stop yet. I wanted more of his kisses. I wanted more of him. I clung tighter to him and he sighed. My legs uncrossed and I slid off to stand on the sidewalk again, in front of him. He looked into my eyes again and drew a shaky breath. Then he said
“I think we definitely have to do some more of that when we get home.” That sounded like a great idea - going to Felix’s house. And since I didn’t want the steaminess to end, I gave him one more, quick, tender kiss, and then said
“I agree . . . let’s go!” He laughed and hugged me again. His laugh was almost better than his voice. I was sure that there were people looking at us and watching our PDA’s, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t imagine anything better right now. This was just the epitome of all my dreams, and it had come true. I met the guy of my dreams, and I had traveled to England all in one. And no one was going to ruin it for me.
Felix led me around to the other side of the car with one arm around my waist. He reached for the sleek silver handle, opened the door, and I stepped in. The “cream interior” was true, and beautiful. I took off my back pack and threw it in the back of the car. I sat back in the comfortable seat and relaxed. I had been so tense flying and waiting and it just felt so good to just sit back and relax for a second. The door closed quietly (quieter than I expected) and I let more of my muscles loosen up. My heart rate was finally slowing down to a normal speed again. I watched Felix walk around to the other side of the car and get in. He sat down and adjusted himself so he would be ready to drive. He looked over at me and said “Ready?”
“I’m ready for anything you can imagine.” I sighed. Felix giggled and started the car. “Show me everything,” I said “I’ve never been here before.”
“We’ll do that soon, right now I think I should just take you to my place.” he said in his god-like voice. He put the car into gear, and pushed a button that looked like it was on the stereo. We pulled away form the curb and started to move. To were, I had no idea, all I knew is that I was here and I was with him and that’s all that mattered to me. We turned onto the main road and drove off with the Birthday Massacre’s “To Die For” surrounding us like the last song at the end of a really good movie.
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Adam
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July 14, 2008, 01:56:pm
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i hate that name (actually i love the name hate the guy) I just had a major fight with my freind adam and it resulted in him yelling at me and verbally bashing me in every way. This is not uncommon between me and him and niether is me feeling like shit worthless nothing, after im done talking to him. So last night he played a joke on me that tricked me into believing he got arested and that a police office called asking if this was his mom and taking my name and her real phone #. when i found out this was all a joke i blew my top. I told him it was cruel and hurtful and that nomatter what we talked about i felt like nothing after. I told him everythin and for the first time i was actually yelling to. It ended with me telling him i never wanted to talk to him again because i didnt want to deal with his bullshit anymore, fallowed by verbal bashing and degrading form him. He used to be my beest friend and I am trying to block all of any emotion that says take him back because i know i shouldnt. But im glad hes out of my life now. but im pretty void inside right now and i dont know why mabey its because it was tramatic for me. i dont know.
Mood: numb
Music: the birthday massacre
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upcomming runway show
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June 26, 2008, 01:53:pm
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yes im staring in my first crappy runway show (i only get to walk once so i better not screw it up.) its to graduate and sign onto the agency that will be presenting and getting me auditions. its going to suck and i know it but hopefully this will be the first step to being able to market myself as a good runway model (hell im tall enough, but just barely). but none of you are allowed to come! its this sunday somewhere in phoenix, but im not letting you come, because if you do i know ill get nervous and something will happen. its going to be very classic very trashy, resembaling Alexander McQueen, one of my favorite designers, style. well i hope ill do okay and i hope there will be some other agency scouts that would love to have me (what am i tyalking about, im not that great...
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