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remmers93's Journal
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Just another poem, sit back and enjoy my pain!
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July 11, 2008, 06:21:pm
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I would run if that is your wishes.
I would kill of you´d ask me to.
I would hurt if that is what you want.
I would cut myself if that takes away your pain.
I would run if that saves you...
But will any of my action make any difference?
Will your pain go away when I suffer?
Will they all just go away if I would die?
Will they all just fucking stop if I would go away?
Will they all stop talking bad about me when I kill?
Will they all stop irritatin me if I kill myself?
But will any of these actions make any difference?
I would run if that makes you smile.
I would kill if that pleasures you.
i would hurt if that eases your pain.
I would cut myself if that takes away your pain.
I would run if that saves you...
I am calling to the almighty lord beneath.
I am calling to be saved from this feeling.
I am calling to be saved from myself.
I am calling to be saved from the changes.
I am calling to be saved from my always tormenting past.
I am calling to be saved from my future.
I am calling to be saved from this everlasting feeling.
I am calling to be saved from the everlasting pain.
I am calling to be saved from all the thougts.
I am calling to you, the almighty one save me from all.
But especially save me from myself.
I would run if that makes you laugh.
I would kill if that is what your heart and mind desire.
I would hurt if that makes your pain disapear.
I would cut myself if that is what it takes to be left alone.
I would run if that saves me from myself.
Mood: in pain
Music: BFMV - Hand Of Blood
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In My head 05-07-08 13:22
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July 05, 2008, 05:46:am
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to be honest i shouldnt be posting this... but, if i dont get it out of my mind then i probellly fall back in my old way of dealing with things, and that almost fucking killed me, i love to many people now to die, so if uuuh, if i consider you a real friend of mine, THEN FIRST FUCKING ME IF I DO!!! CAUSE IF YOU KNOW ME THEN I CAN CHANGE IN A FUCKING SECOND, like i did again.... but besides that, here comes something i had in my mind around 13:19, it could be 13:21 my phone is fuckup.
dont be angry? DONT BE ANGRY! that is the fuck you say to me, but look at it from my side! try to put yourself in my fucking posision, it is the same fucking way like it used to be, the same fucking way like 6 months ago, the same thing that tiered me apart, but i survived, i got a fucking scar reminding me of that. hell i can still feel the smae as when i made it, that feeling, so pure, and yet so weak. But thats always aint it? aint it always the same feeling? NO! no its not! every time again when something changes feelings changes, and you might dont see it, of feel it, but believe me it changes, i am to fucking smart to not see that! no one, NO ONE should tell me not be angry, you all fucking know i am always angry, 24/7 and when you remind me of something, run, cause who will know what i am cappeble of in a anger attack?
i know some fucking long shit, but i do that always so if you dont fucking like it! DONT CARE, then just dont care and cary on, if you dont care, i'll stop caring aswell, good night to you all!!!
Greetz from The Fuckface
Mood: pissed off
Music: BFMV - Spit You Out
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The darkness
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May 18, 2008, 06:44:am
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The darkness crawls over me like the pain over my life. The pain is my life and my life is the pain, it are two different things that are the same. it are two things that are. Together while not sopuse to be together. The darkness crawls and swallows me in, I live in this darkness and this darkness lives in me. I dont expect it to leave any time soon and I will live with it for ever. I dont expect the darkness to leave me and let light come into me. There are 5 point. 5 points of light, there are 5 point of light that fight the darkness in me and are pure light for me, there are 5 points of light that I would die for.
I wish I could take their pain away, I wish I could take those who hurt them away, I wish I could make them feel beter, I wish I could make them feel beter about themselfs, I wish I could let them see that I am the one that needs to catch up and do things for them.
The darkness crawls over me like the pain in my life. The darkness thinks it can consume me forever. The pain thinks it can hold on to me forever. The 5 point of light hold back the darkness. The 5 points of light fight the pain without even knowing it.
The darkness crawls over me. The darkness trys to fight the 5 point. The pain makes itself grow when I see the 5 points. The darkness makes me suffer. The darkness makes me not myself. The darkness makes my body turn away. The darkness makes my body drop. The darkness makes my health drop. The darkness makes my mind go 320 km/u. The darkness fucks with my mind. The darkness tricks my mind into things. The darkness wont conquer me!!
The darkness crawls over me. The pain destroys me. The pain hates me and I it. The pain wants to hand me over. The pain makes wounds. The pain makes me think about scars. The pain brings back memories.
The darkness crawls over me. Memories bring back pain. Memories make my wounds hurt. Memories make my scars hurt. Memories make my scars open again. Memories try to get in my mind. Memories try to turn me crazy.
The darkness crawls over me. I turn crazy. I have pain. I have wounds. I have scars. I have a fast going mind. I suffer. I am not myself. I have a destroyd body. I have a tired mind. I have an dying body. I have no soul to take on...but... I HAVE 5 FRIENDS THAT MATTER!!!
The darkness crawls over me. With them I will go on. With them I will face my scars. With them I will face my wounds. With them I will think about memmories. With them I will face my past. With them I will face the pain. With them I will not be conquerd. With them I will not be destroyd. With them I can survive. With them I can go on.
The darkness crawls over me. Without them I will past away. Without them I will turn crazy. Without them I have no reason to leave. Without them I wont be able to breath. Without them I wont be able to eat. Without them I wont be able to be reasonble. Without them I wont go on. Without them there is no me.
The darkness crawls over me. I could not care any less if people die. I could not care any less if people kill. I could not care any less if people suffer. I could not care any less if people cant handle nothing no more. I could not care any less if the world would be gone tomorrow.
The darkness crawls over me. I do care about my friends. I do care about their feelings. I do care about their thougts. I do care about their lifes. I do care about their suffering. I do care about their handeling on things. I would care if they where gone tomorrow...
The darkness crawls over me. The darkness controles my life. The darkness controles me. I fight the darkness. The fight bitween me and the everlasting darkness is long. It is long and it is making me tired. The fight is a lost case because I wont win. The fight is a lost case because when it is over and I have lost, then there is nothing more for the darkness to take. I give everything. I give my strength. I give my mind. I give my body. I give my soul. I give my past. I give my future. I give my life. but i do not give it to the darkness for the fight. I give it to my friends. Because they are the ones that deserve it. They are the ones that deserve every good thing. They are the ones that deserve to live in palaces with money. They are the ones that deserve to look down at the world. The world does not need to look down at them THEY FUCKING NEED TO SIT ON TOP OF IT!! But god. The god. The god up there. God make the darkness reach for them. What god doesnt know is that i stand infront of them. The darkness knows, so it fights me. It fights me and trys to win. I fight back, not to win, not to conquer the darkness and be the one no. I fight back to keep my friends save. I fight for my friends like normal people do for their own.
The darkness crawls over me. I dont care about myself. I dont care about my pain. I dont care about my mind. I dont care about my health. I dont care about my body. Every step I take. Every hit I give. Every word I say. Every day I go on. Every night I cant sleept. Everything I do or take or go on, I do for my friends. They are my everything.
The darkness crawls over me. They say strength comes with age. They say i am to weak. They say that i cant train. I say fuck you. I say that strength comes with training. I say strength comes with experience. I have no time to wait for strength to come with age. I dont have that time because i need the strength now. I need the strength now to keep on fighting the darkness. I need the strength now to keep on fighting for my friends!
The darkness crawls over me. The darkness wont win because of the feelings I got for my friends.
Mood: Felt like writing
Music: Thrice - The artist in the ambulance
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04-05-08
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May 04, 2008, 02:43:pm
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hahahha what the fuck is this shit?!! some dumb ass really think that i replace a friend of mine for an other!!!
WTF IS THAT CRAP?!! i dont fucking replace my friends so you fucking stop thinking you stupid fuck! what the fuck do you think? yea you screw up, you wanna know why? you dont want to hurt your friends no more, but that aint all, you dont want to hurt your friends no more and think the whole day of how you have hurt the feelings of a friend of yours that you fuck, fine do whatever you want.
But you know you kinda make a point with this, wanna know what it is? i bet you want to! with this you say i am no friend of yours, you know what shit you can pull on my and what shit not. yea tall one, mlisz and aleks can pull more shit with me then who ever, but they dont mean it, you dont mean it as soon as you see me mad, so you do mean it and that makes me more pisst!! well you will read this i think cause its about you, i am going to have some drinks i shouldnt have, bye
Mood: pisst
Music: Dragonforce - Trough The Fire And Flames
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