Especially since it was you who made me show my cold side. (rant)
Leadership can not be hidden, dont envy my power, become a better person. Its not my fault I can easily enter conversations. Its not my fault your mentors visit me for ibo advice. Its not my fault that I am liked instantly, and didnt have to suck up in that tasteless way you do.
I wish I was an idiot sometimes, then I would ignorantly think you were my real friend like others do.
I wish I was a loser so then you wouldnt try to be like me. If you dont know what I am talking about then shut your mouth. I wish that you could apreciate the moment, and not the moment lost.
If I show myself will you follow me because you like and respect me or because you want to be the one to conquor and break me? Just know, Ive been trying to break you since the first time we've met. & denial to loss is sad.
Im stuck at home not knowing what to do. I'll be able to plant again soon, maybe that will help me focus. I haven't visited my friends in awhile. I found some old friends, its nice to know I am rembered.
There is so much going on, with out anything happening.
Its tiring that I have to make the incentive. Maybe I need to hang around with smarter people. It hurts just saying that.
Why was I shown to see at a different angle, I feel left out. I feel left out from silly idiotic talk, because I've been raised to be 'better'.
Now it seems that Im an idiot for not understanding lude jokes.
I miss my computer so bad, but thats my next step in rebuilding my losses, then I will feel better.... I think.
It was icy.... every morning; I try to list my aspectations... then try to meet them out as fate sees it.
Ive wondered why, Ive been so unsucessful this past three years and now know its because Ive been holding back, thinking that from kindness everything would change.
It hasnt, but I grown weaker in my feelings for others, Ive always have viewed things from a distance, now Ive actually tried to become more than "that aqaintaince".
It has made me doubt how I was raised to be, to be that cold person... the one that got things done anyway possible... now I think of the one at loss not at gain, adding too much complexity to situations that will always end the same.
But as I make my days harder, I feel like my old self is coming back. Ive been holding back... afraid of being too overwhelmed, but I can handle the perssure.
So I miss my feeling of accomplishment from multiple tasks, Im going back... but Im not afraid of losing false friends anymore.
Real friendship sees through too the soul and lasts forever.
M