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killergoth's Journal
Im just me!
i hurt, i cry. I care, i lie. I love, i hate. You can't put a label on me! I bleed, i heal. I bruise, i scar. I'm a child, i'm an adult. You can't put a label on me! I'm hyper, i'm calm. I am a bitch, i care. I live.... You die. The only label is, Loryn
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.....emo moment.....
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July 20, 2008, 04:49:am
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I hate how people think that it's okay to fool around with others emotions and hearts. Does ANYBODY realize how much bullshit and being played I've been through in the last year?! All I seriously want to find is one person, one person who I can trust to say "I Love You" and when they say it back I KNOW they mean it. It's that too much to ask for?? Yes; I understand that I fall in love way to easily and when I fall; I fall hard and fast. It's not the best feeling in the world when you think that the person you want to be with doesn't love you, although they may tell you that they do; they mean something completely different.
I don't understand how one human can play another. Don't they have feelings too? I mean I sure as hell do! I've played a few people in the past [[which I will openly admit too]] and NO I'm not proud of myself. I STILL feel like shit and that i wish I could go back in time and change what I did. I felt disgusting and I felt like I was the one being toyed with.
I regret every person I played, I regret telling a lot of people that I love them, I regret falling in love. I sometimes just wish that "love" could disappear into nothingness. Don't you? Many of you who may read this who have a significant other might think that I am being harsh upon the subject of love; but I'm really not. I'm stating facts that have happened in my life.
Right now it is 4:45AM and the sun is just rising above the horizon. I wish he was still back in MY arms, holding me like he holds her. Does he realize what hurt he's put me through? Obviously not. Because honestly if he did then I wouldn't be sitting here; drowning my sorrows in a immature "emo" moment letter. I just wish that he was with me that whole week I was gone; maybe this would have never happened. Who honestly knows.
But whereas I was; the orange and pink are slightly showing upon the early morning, oh my lord I wish there was someone out there who knew what I wanted and wants the same. If you're out there, will you please come and save me from the depths of a lovers death?
If you think you're the one for me who won't try to use me at all, then come and comment//inbox me.
Mood: eh... idk... =/
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the baby's daddy cheated and left
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July 19, 2008, 05:34:pm
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When I came home today from Khayla's house I found that out. And now he's dating the chick he cheated on me with! =/ But oh well, he's not gunna have a part in the baby's life anyway.
FUCK HIM!
Mood: eh stoned =D
Music: the T.V
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I'm PREGNANT! =D
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July 17, 2008, 03:04:am
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Yes; once again I have become pregnant. As most of you who pay attention to the important journal entries this will be my third pregnancy. The first one I lost due to complications and a miscarriage, the second who was I was in the fourth month of conceiving was murdered and my third child; who I am absolutely excited will more then likely be joining our family. Thank you to my fantastic boyfriend Josh. =]
Hopefully this child will develop fully with each limb attached [[unlike me]] and will be a healthy baby. I am only currently 13 days into my pregnancy but I am expected to be doing just fine. Sadly I must make my first doctors appointment soon to make sure that I am actually able to take care of my child while it is beginning to form in my uterus. The sad thing is that there is a 75% chance that I may not even be able to keep the baby before it dies inside me (Like my first child)
But please pray for the child and myself that all goes well and that I am able to conceive this baby. Thank you, and I will be sure to keep all posted with photos and such.
P.S- Names: If it's a girl I like the name [{Jillian Rose Roderick}] and if it's a boy I like the name [{Cory Aiden Roderick}] What do you think? Suggestions anyone?
-Loryn-
Mood: blah... a lil sick to my stomach.... tired
Music: Beautiful Blue Eyes-Chiodos
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fucking blow my cock
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June 19, 2008, 06:34:pm
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1. First off, what's your name?
Loryn
2. What do you think of the song.."Hey There Delilah"?
i dont care for it too much
3. What song are you listening to?
im not
4. What's your opinion of pointless surveys like these?
they're piontless but wastes time.
5. If you could change your eye color what would it be?
black.. all black
6. What is the wallpaper on your phone?
my hone got stolen, but it was a pic of my ex gf before she broke up with me
7. How many pillows on your bed?
one
8. Who was the last person you talked on the phone to?
cat
9. Is there someone you can't stop thinking about?
kinda... and how i fucked up.. BIG TIME!
10. What was the best thing that happened to you last year?
nothin reali
11. Do any of your friends annoy you?
YEH.
12. Who's the fourth person on your contacts list?
ummm i dont remember
13. When was the last time you cried from laughing so hard?
umm the other night. i was high and we did some stupid shit
14. What school did you attend in primary?
Monmouth
15. Do you like pickles?
yuppp
16. Who was the last person that made you laugh?
alex <3
17. Do you like Quiznos?
hahah yeah!!!
18. Who do you make fun of the most?
courtney and mat.. but i love them both
19. What's the longest you've ever talked on the phone?
omg like 9 hours straight.. with ashley
20. Do you think you've gotten prettier since grade school?
ehh i guess
21. Have you seen your best friend cry?
Yep. Lots.
22. Where did you last go out to eat?
ummm the chinese place
23. Do you dance in the car?
hahahhahahahahah only with tisha!! =]]
24. What do you think of hunting and fishing?
i do them both proudly!
25. What is a noise that you cannot stand?
someone who eats really loudly... GRR.
26. Does your mom vacuum early in the morning, when you're sleeping?
No
27. Are your parents in love?
i dunno.. i think so
28. At what age did you get your MP3 player or iPod or zune?
like 14
29. Where and how did you get your last bruise from?
lol i pulled my muscles in my little arm
30. Would you rather sleep at a friend's or have them over?
either doent bother me.. but since i live on my own its more fun at my house
31. Who is in your house right now?
tisha, mat, courtney and the puppy
32. Have you ever thought you were gonna die?
yep.
33. How do you like your steak?
very well done, but with a lil blood. mmmmmmmmmmm
34. What do you smell like right now?
like Sweet Pea
35. Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
no
36. Who would you like to meet one day?
marilyn manson and axl rose <333
37. What shoes did you wear today?
Etnies
38. Is your bed made?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. oh... you were serious?
39. What color is your laundry basket?
blue-ish.. kinda
40. Does your mom make you wear a winter coat?
hahahahahh no
41. Does it contain fur?
mine does, yes
42. Do you own any Hollister polos?
ughh
.. HELL NO!!!
43. Do you think those stores are too expensive?
yes,their prices are retarded
44. Where do you shop the most for clothes?
deb, hot topic, spencers, wal*mart =D
45. Can you go on MySpace from school or work?
umm neither.. concidering i do neither
46. Do your parents have a MySpace account?
bahahahahahahahaahahahahah are you serious!?!? fuck no!
Mood: pretty shitty... wanna get highhhhh
Music: colt 45-afroman
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R.I.P Dear Friend [[C.L.C]]
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June 03, 2008, 01:20:pm
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May 31st, 2008 my one of my best friends died in a car accident. Two weeks prior to the accident she had gotten her license and she was driving down the road in the fog, her car had hit a tree and she was ejected from the car because of not wearing a seatbelt. She was 17 years old; and an amazing person.
PLEASE even if you didn't know her PLEASE pray for her friends and family.
We are all torn apart because of this inncident.
Janurary 31st, 1991-May 31st, 2008. Rest In Peace; Crystal Lee Cunningham. I will never forget all the things you did for the Church, my family and me. You are a one of a kind gal, but I can't believe you're gone. I Love You.
<3
Mood: crying
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i lost my HIGH virginity!!
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May 29, 2008, 03:33:pm
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yesterday was the first time i ever got high! lol. 2 joints and a roach. omfg it was a rush! a lot of shit went on yesterday though, jason tried havin sex with me but i kept pushing him away because i wouldnt cheat on my baby, my hair was lit on fire, a almost fell out of two 3 story windows, i was tellin sum kid off [[i didnt know him! lol]] and a bunch of other stupid shit.
I LOVE BEING HIGH!!! woo
~♥~
Mood: hehe hungry
Music: get you wet-pretty ricky
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i hate everything about them!
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May 27, 2008, 04:04:pm
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they call themselves "parents" they call themselves "heplers" THEY'RE ALL FUCKING LIARS! i hope all my fuckin family crashes and burns in the pits of hell!
Mood: stressed/pissed
Music: I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!
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newwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww picturessssss
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May 27, 2008, 02:05:am
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plz comment them
much loves
♥
Mood: pissy
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bf/gf application
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May 18, 2008, 07:27:pm
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1. Your Name:
2. Age:
3. Fave Color:
4. Are you a virgin?
5.Phone Number:
6. Location:
7. Height:
8.Hair (color and style):
9.Piercings/tattoos:
HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...
1. Are we friends?
2. Do you have a crush on me?
3. Would you kiss me?
4. ...with tongue?
5. Would you enjoy it?
6. Would you ever ask me out?
7. Would you make a move on me in a movie theater?
9. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
10. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?
11.Would you walk on the beach with me?
12. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me?
13. Do you/have talk shit about me?
14. Do you think I'm a good person?
15. Would you let me sleep with you (in the same bed)?
17.Do you think I'm cute?
18. If you could change anything about me -would you?
19.Would you have sex with me?
20.Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
21. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
22. what do you rate me outta 1-10?
What Do You Think Of My?
1.Personality:
2.Eyes:
3.Face:
4.Hair:
W0ULD Y0U...
-go out with me?
-kiss me?
-let me kiss you?
-watch a movie with me?
-take me out to dinner?
-drive me somewhere
-make love to me?
-take a shower with me?
-be my bf/gf?
-hug me?
-buy me food?
-take me home to meet your family?
-would you let me sleep in your bed if i didn't have one?
-sing car karaoke w/ me?
-sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
-give me a piggyback ride?
-come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
D0 Y0U...
-think I'm cute?
-want to do me?
-want to kiss me?
-want to cuddle wit me?
--want to hook up with me?
AM i...
-smart?
-cute?
-funny?
-cool?
-interesting to talk to?
HAVE Y0U EVER...
-thought about me?
-thought there might be an "US"?
-thought about hookin up with me?
-found yourself wanting to kiss me?
-wished i were there?
Mood: shitty... idk what to do or say with her..
Music: Brayan Adams-I'll Be Right Here Waiting
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VOICE COMMENT!!!!!!
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May 13, 2008, 11:40:am
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